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What To do, what to do-- dilemma on how to involve a close friend

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
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    1.
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    yurpa    10/9/10   Bloomington, IN

    Hello Hive!

    I need some honest advice about how to go about involving a friend of mine in our wedding.  We are having a small wedding (100 guests, max), and we've already asked our closest friends and family to be part of the wedding party.  However, I've been torn about two of my close friends-- one of them I am asking to do a reading-type thing at the ceremony, but i'm not sure about the other friend-- i've gotten some suggestions about asking her to be an attendant of sorts, but i feel a little uncomfortable asking any friend to be an 'attendant'-- i just really don't care for that title.  Do any of you have any suggestions?  Can I make up some mish-mash role for her?  A quasi-BM/attendant/organizer?  Is that weird?

    Please advise :)  Thanks, ladies!

     
    2.
    Hostess
    16,857 posts
    Honey
    Beekeeper
    MissAsB    June 6, 2009   Married in CO, Living in AL

    You can make up your own rules on what you want her to be!  Personally, I wouldn't have her be a guestbook attendant or present watcher because both of those aren't really necessary and sort of demeaning in my opinion.

     
    3.
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    25 posts
    Newbee
    twocities       Charlottesville, VA and Baltimore, MD

    I have a similar dilemma and I'm leaning toward the "non-bridesmaid" route (see link), but haven't quite decided yet.  I'd love to see some other ideas!

    http://www.apracticalwedding.com/2009/02/wedding-party-alternatives-non.html

     
    4.
    Member
    72 posts
    Worker bee
    chitown-e    December 31, 2009   Chicago, IL

    Is your other friend musically inclined?  If so, maybe having her do a short musical piece (singing or playing) during your ceremony.  Or, have both your friends "share" in the reading - alternating paragraphs or phrases.  Another suggestion is to have her say grace at dinner (if you are planning to say a prayer).

    I have always heard that being an attendant can be seen as doing all of the things of a bridesmaid without getting the credit of being a bridesmaid - I'm not sure if this is an accurate depiction, but just my opinion!

     
    5.
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    350 posts
    Helper bee
    hellohellohello      

    If you want her as a BM, have her as a BM, these days it is not necessary for sides to be even.  Remember that some people may view "personal attendant" aka "wedding slave" as all of the work with none of the honor.  If you don't want her as BM and there are no more readings for her to do, what about having her light a candle or be an usher?

     
    6.
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    350 posts
    Helper bee
    hellohellohello      

    I missed chitown's post about having the girls do different parts of the reading -- that is a great idea!

     
    7.
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    yurpa    10/9/10   Bloomington, IN

    thanks, ladies, for your input and honest opinions!  that's the thing i'm struggling with-- attendants seem to get a bad rep, although i really am not sure.... and yes, it does have sort of a demeaning ring to it.  i'm not quite sure how to go about it, although twocities, i love the idea of having non-bridesmaids... hmm. too bad i already asked three of my dearest friends to be BM's.

     

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