What to do when guests are unhappy with your wedding plans?

posted 2 years ago in Beehive
Post # 2
1116 posts
Bumble bee

sandy85:  provide a list of local hotels and then people who don’t want to camp can sleep elsewhere and just come to the festivities? 

Post # 3
8680 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Do they have accomodations like cozy cabins? Guests who aren’t interested in camping in a tent might those. If not, are there at least any hotels nearby [like within a 20 minute drive]?

Post # 4
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

sandy85:  Your wedding sounds like a blast, can I come?!?! 🙂

In all honestly, you cannot worry about pleasing everyone. Even if you chose a different location or a different season, there will be guests who don’t like it. Usually, these types of comments are said behind your back and not to the bride!! Lol.

Please don’t worry about any negative comments of your wedding plans. It sounds like a great get together and it’s not about pleasing everyone, it’s about getting married. When dealt with negative comments, I would just smile and tell them that you’re very excited about your upcoming wedding and the plans you’ve made.

Don’t stress about it 😉

Post # 5
941 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Is coming and going just for the ceremony/party an option? I have a serious back condition that would prevent me from “roughing it” in a tent for sure, but probably in a scout camp cabin as well. But, I wouldn’t complain about it to the Bride. I would either not go, or try to find an alternative sleeping arrangement. 

Post # 6
9859 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

sandy85:  first I was thinking you were in NA and you were asking people to camp in the winter – that not so fun.

I think no matter what you do, some people won’t be happy.  Will your guests have to pay anything to stay there?  Are there cabins or tents?  I might not be so thrilled about spending a weekend wedding living in a tent, but depending on how much I love you I might be willing to do it (I’m not joking…I wouldn’t do it for just anyone) If it’s cabins, I might not mind so much – but my experience with Guide/Scout camps (and after 15 years as a Guide I’ve been to a few) is that privacy is non-existant.  People might not be comfortable.

Ultimately, it’s up to you when and where you have the wedding, just remember that your choice of venue will impact who can come.  We had ours where we live, not where our family lives and had a 60% decline rate. 

Post # 7
716 posts
Busy bee

I’m in the camp of people who would really dislike attending.

The good news is that you get to choose to do whatever you want to do.  You, your FI, and your child will be there.  You can invite whomever you would like and your guests can choose whether or not they want to come.  The bad news is that you don’t get to be upset about people choosing not to come and that holds regardless of where you’re holding your wedding.

Post # 8
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

sandy85:  you cannot please all of the people all of the time, whatever date you pick and whatever you do is going to inconvenience someone. Now if I’m being brutally honest you probably have invited a certain amount of noise into your life by the combination of picking Valentines Day and a venue that requires camping (if it does?) two things people are going to tend to object to … that said you have your reasons and it’s your day so you get to chose. The people who love you will be honoured to be to be invited, respect your choice and enter into the swing of things. Go ahead and do your thing ( I think it sounds awesome BTW)

Post # 9
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

You can choose to do whatever you want for your wedding, and you are attempting to ensure the comfort of your guests (making sure venue has AC, toilets, etc.).

At the end of the day, camping (especially in the blistering heat for the entire weekend) is not going to be everyones cup of tea. I’d provide a list of hotels nearby and transportation options for them. I don’t mind camping, but if I did.. I certainly wouldn’t be complaining to the bride about it. I would likely source out options for accomodation and transportation to and from, providing this would elimiate guests having to do the leg work.

You do need to understand that asking people to rough it for a few days to celebrate your one-day wedding.. Is going to get some backlash.

Post # 10
380 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Historic house and gardens

I can see why you would want it and it sounds like a great deal, but I be worrying about it if I was a guest.. I would turn up for the actual wedding, but a whole weekend in the middle of February (I hate our aussie summer), and the thought of having to camp and still somehow look good for the wedding; it doesn’t sound like an easy thing to do.

Are you talking acutal camping (like tents and stuff) or are their cabins? Is the aircon everywhere, or just the hall? Are their good showers and other facilities (ability to wash and blowdry hair)? Swimming in a creek is my worst nightmare, so that would be off putting too.

I think it may depend on how you are selling it. From what you have written here I am pictuing camping in a tent, looking an unruly mess due to swimming in a creek to keep cool and not being able to do my hair, and being stuck for a whole weekend with a bunch of people I may not know/like. Plus being a sweaty mess from the fact that it could possibly be over 40C like it was this year.

It does sound potentially nice, but I know my first thought would be fear. Just keep in mind that for us non-outdoorsy people, camping equals horrifying creepyness.

Post # 12
5767 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

There’s a big difference between trying to please everyone and trying to plan an event which is of broad appeal to a large group of people.  

You will never, ever please everyone.

But do understand that you have chosen accomodations which are quite far outside the social norms for weddings. It is the double whammy, too, that you have chosen an activity which people either love or hate, with very few “in the middle” folks. It’s not like having to suck it up and listen to jazz all night long when you’d rather be rockin’ out to AC/DC; it is a pretty extreme difference to what most folks expect when they are invited to a wedding. So it is going to bring up a lot of commentary.

Up to you whether you want to go forward, knowing that some people (maybe even many people) will decline your invite because they have strong, negative feelings about camping.  If you do, then at least try to keep in mind that people can hate camping and still love you, and that their declining your invitation does not mean they do not like you. It just means they do not like camping, and they are absolutely free to have that opinion.


Post # 13
2264 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

sandy85:  Without any nearby hotels, I can see the difficulty. Are most of your guests local to your venue?

I’ll be honest: I’m not a fan of camping, and the idea of spending Valentine’s Day in the heat for three days has me sweaty even as I sit here inside my air conditioned house.

It sounds like you got a great deal on the place, which is wonderful, but I would essentially expect guests who are in town to come for the ceremony and reception (but maybe not stay for the weekend unless they are avid campers) and guests who are OOT to possibly decline, unless they really love camping.

While it is very generous that you are taking care of food and sleeping provisions for three days, most peoiple can only set aside one day for a wedding, especially over a holiday weekend. For those that do stay the entire time, that’s great and you’ll all have a great time! For those that can’t, however, I wouldn’t take it personally. It’s hard to set aside 3 days for a wedding.

Post # 14
864 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

sandy85:  i can see both sides in this issue; obviously, first and foremost you guys should choose a date/time/venue that YOU love. not everyone will be thrilled, but there would be unhappy campers (excuse the pun…lol) no matter when and where you had the wedding.

i will say though, that choosing valentine’s day weekend and expecting all of your guests to camp out for a couple of days is probably adding to their distaste. i think if it was just one or the other, you might have a little more positive feedback. but before your v-day traditions went by the wayside, didn’t you guys want to celebrate on that day/weekend? probably. so you’ve got guests who still probably want that.

in the end, you have to do what you guys want and will love. there are people who will still come no matter what, and others who will come for the ceremony but leave afterwards, etc. as long as you’re a great hostess for the ones who do come, then i wouldn’t worry about the rest.


Post # 15
1355 posts
Bumble bee

To answer your actual question – I would say do nothing!  Its already set it sounds like.  I would offer up the nearest hotel even if its far away.  I would also very kindly and sincerely tell people you understand if they can’t make it and really don’t feel bad about it because it is a lot to ask, particularly of anyone you aren’t super close with. Weekend, holiday, long drive, camping.


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