Post # 1
I am the mother of the groom and recently hosted a second reception. The wedding and first reception took place out of state (where my son and wife live) and many of our friends and family members were unable to attend. I received 54 RSVP’s (after having to call several people asking for an RSVP after 4 reminders through Evite!) by the deadline (one week prior!) and 11 people didn’t show. I am really glad I told the caterer 50, as they said they always make more food than necessary, as it was a buffet and a few of the guests were children. Two people were sick and apologized, and the rest just didn’t show up. 5 of them are from one family (a good friend of the family for 30 years) and said 2 of their kids were sick, but are old enough to stay home alone, and the rest could have come but didn’t. Is this rude and inconsiderate behavior normal? Would it be polite to just stay silent about this? Or would you say something to the effect of, “We paid per guest and I am really disappointed you didn’t show up.” I am thinking of ending this friendship over this and other flaky occurrences. Any thoughts would be appreciated. I will never host a party like this again. My recommendation for anyone planning a wedding is pay for those who show, although in some cases that is not possible. Or talk to the people you think may flake and let them know that you are paying per person and counting on them to show up.
Post # 3
From what I’ve read for weddings, one will always have no-shows despite “yes” RSVPs. It’s the nature of the beast. I’m pretty sure that goes for most larger gatherings. The polite thing to do would be to let the behavior go for sure, but you are within your rights to ask. If you’re already thinking of ending the friendship anyway, why are you worried about being polite? Not being snarky, just some perspective.
Post # 4
I would just let it go, you always have no-shows. It sucks, but it is what it is.
Post # 5
Nothing to be (politely) done at this point about the no-shows, but I wouldn’t blame you for reconsidering friendships with the guests who not only didn’t attend but didn’t reach out to apologize or explain afterwards. For me, the latter part would be more troubling.
Post # 6
Yup, DH and I experienced this at our wedding too. We had a whole table of no-shows for a total of 10 people. It ended up being about $500 worth of food and beverages for that table. Luckily, DH and I just took the food home and ate it since we had no groceries in our new place. Only one person ever told us why they didn’t make it. The rest of the group never broached the subject, and we never brought it up. We haven’t really spoken to them since.
Post # 7
Everyone that throws a wedding or big party experiences this. It’s completely unavoidable because some people just don’t get it and aren’t polite or considerate of others. nothing you say now will make a difference, and you definitely shouldn’t make it about money if you DO say something. I’m sorry to say but the best thing is to accept that this is part and parcel of throwing something like this. I don’t know anyone this hasn’t happened to unfortunately.
Post # 8
I should add, this kind of stuff totally pisses me off and I don’t blame you for feeling the way you do!
Post # 9
@JessicaAR: If the one family really did have 2 sick kids, I would give them a pass, especially with this flu going around. People can walk around spreading viruses for days before symptoms show up. The other 3 people could easily have been infected too, and it’s fortunate for you and the rest of your guests that they stayed home.
If you suspect that nobody was sick, and they just flaked out, well… that’s different.
Post # 10
I think it is incredably rude, this is why we ask for RSVP’s its expensive, there may have been other people that could have come in their place (at yours or the B&G’s request)
I think its rude and I would calmly say something! Did the sick people tell you BEFORE? or just the day after? I don’t know if its worth ending a friendship, unless their are other issues but you are within your right to be annoyed. simply because they didnt tell you before hand.