What to Do When Mom is "Just Being Honest"

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m just being honest here: I received a typewritten invitation last summer and it was THE COOLEST THING EVER.  It’s obvious your mom has bad taste, so don’t take her comments to heart.  Whenever my mom does something like that, or says something ridiculous, my DH will whisper to me, “oldpeople!”  

And it’s true.  Your mom is just not up to date on what is cool and unique.  I bet if you showed her the cheapest, ugliest invitation with flowers and butterflies she would love it.  And that’s okay.  Not everyone can have great taste! 

She was totally rude and I would be upset by that too.  She took it a step further talking about “knowing how to put something together.”  That was totally uncalled for.  But seriously, try to let it roll off you because she clearly has bad taste and is not up on current style.  

How to proceed?  Tell her you were caught off guard by her comments, and in the future if she doesn’t like something, it’s okay to be honest, but not after something cannot be changed.  Her comments served absolutely zero purpose except to make you feel bad at that point, and that’s not okay.  It’s not nice and it’s not helpful. You have a right to be angry about that, but don’t let her bring you now.  File it under, things I won’t do to my own daughter. 

Post # 4
650 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Your invitations sound beautiful! Taste is definitely something that doesn’t come to everyone. I know from personal experience how difficult it is when your mom is not supportive. Try to feel good about your choices, and trust yourself. Can you post a pic of the invitations? You know the bees will make you feel better!!

Post # 5
5968 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

@solsticewedding:  everyone isn’t going to like everything you do or even appreciate the effort and time that went into certain things. I think my only advice is to not build yourself up with expectations of how people are going to react.Dont put too much stock into pleasing those around you i think you should focus on YOU being happy with the final product of whatever it is you are doingmaking and let that be it. Im sorry you feel crappy 🙁 I mean, you asked her opinion and she gave it to you. I don’t think she meant it to be harsh. But I can see where it would be hurtful to have your hard work not be liked by your own mother. Sorry OP!

Post # 6
805 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

moms are crazy. mine gives me her opinion whenever i dont ask for it. its annoying but thats your mom, gotta love her. dont have to like what she says, and i know its hard because we want their approval, but you gotta let it go. your invitations sound beautiful and thoughtful. try to brush it off. theres more things to be upset about.

Post # 7
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@solsticewedding:  I wasn’t a fan of my invitations.  I still sent them out and didn’t care — because guess what – THEY’RE GOING TO END UP IN PEOPLE’S GARBAGES!

Your mom really should’ve lied or at least mentioned something she DID like about them, but this is NOT the end of the world.  And just think, your mom will not criticize anything else about your wedding likely! 😉  Cheer up, OP!

Post # 8
2562 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Your invites sound AMAZEBALLS!

Your mom is being a jerk, and if I were in your shoes I’d give her a call, let her know in the kindest way possibly that her comments were hurtful and unacceptable, and then get off the phone immediatley before she could make excuses for her jerkiness. I wouldn’t even let her apologize right away… I’d just give her some time to mull it ove (and maybe understand how crappy she mademe feel).

Anyway, if you want to send your invite my way so I can oggle it, I’d be thrilled.
Can you post a picture so we can see? I am serious when I say they sound DIVINE

Post # 9
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@solsticewedding:  I rather loathe people who act as if being hurtful and rude is some sort of virtue. Your Mom acted like a jerk. What was the point of her “honesty” other than to make you feel like shit? 

Give her a taste of her own medicine.  Let her know she’s aged really badly the last couple of years and her butt and boobs have succombed to gravity. Then ask her how she likes your “honesty.”

Post # 10
652 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh my goodness!! Can you post a picture, I would love to seem them.

It sounds like you put a ton of work into them. I’m sure they are lovely. It sounds very unique and awesome to me! 

Post # 11
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@solsticewedding:  im going to go on the edge here and stick up for mom…not for what she did BUT…maybe because she thought it was your biggest day of your life and wanted evertyhing to sparkle and scream “___your name___”  maybe she didnt feel that how you exxecuted your invites wasnt the “wow” she would have thought would have been you…

I think it was a cool idea, i would like to seen a photo on here, havent seen an actual typerwriter typing in a long time so im sure it was cool,  but for her to be that mean… i would be pretty pissed also if it were me i wouldnt talk to her till the day of the wedding or maybe the day before to ask if shes still going to come…on the day you will forget it all happened and YOUR GETTING MARRIED! yay! …sorry your mom made you cry :/ mines doen it a few times already

Post # 12
4136 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Look, Moms are just the worst. They’re frenemies in the worst way. For some reason (well, because they’re our Moms I guess), we care so so much about what they have to say and they usually find the most effective way to hurt us because they know us so well. They’re really good at that. 

Different people have different tastes. You don’t need her approval, or anyone’s for that matter. They’re yours, it’s your wedding. Screw what anyone else has to say about it.


Post # 13
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Honestly – and I know this is easier said than done – just pretend like she didn’t say anything. If you loved your invitations (and to me, they sound awesome), that’s all that matters. 

It’s funny how we put so much weight on our mom’s opinions, only to be eventually let down. It’s OK that your mom didn’t like the invites. It’s OK if other people don’t like the invites. I’ve received both beautifully stunning and not-so-stunning invitations and as soon as I mark the date and information in my calendar, the invitation gets thrown away or put in a drawer somewhere. In the grand scheme of things, the invites are a small piece to a much bigger puzzle.

Try hard not to be mad with your mom – afterall, she WAS just being honest. It’s ok to tell her you feel hurt and that you wished she worded it differently, but my advice is to really try and move on. Know that you put time and effort into invitations that you loved and are proud of (and again, sound AWESOME).

On a side note, I took my mom wedding dress shopping with me, and when I came out in a dress that I loved (and eventually bought), she mentioned that my armpits were dark (um, they’re not…) and that I should think about getting them bleached (um, I’m not…). So that basically ruined any special moment I thought we were going to have dress shopping that day!

Post # 14
7654 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@solsticewedding:  I like honesty, even if it cuts me to my core, but there are certain ways of going about it tactfully, and your mother did not do that. Disliking them is one thing, but telling you what she did is quite another. She should have just said they weren’t her style and just been done with it.

I would really like to see them as I like homemade invites/cards, and I think they sound unique.

Post # 16
4638 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@solsticewedding: You asked for an opinion, got one you didn’t like, and then bawled about it. I personally don’t think your mom was deliberately trying to hurt you, I do think she just doesn’t like your invitations. Why does it matter? If you’re so thrilled with them, why does her opinion matter enough to cry over?

She probably didn’t say anything when she received it because if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all… but then you pryed, looking for validation and didn’t like what you got back.

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