What to do when sibling invites way more family/family friends than we can?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What should we do? (can choose multiple)
    Do nothing differently : (29 votes)
    34 %
    Include them in later rounds of invites as space permits : (33 votes)
    38 %
    Try to host some local event before/after wedding for these ppl to attend : (7 votes)
    8 %
    Talk to them individually to explain the situation : (6 votes)
    7 %
    Send them announcements, pictures, video, or some other suggestion below : (10 votes)
    12 %
    Other described below : (1 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee

    It’s not a competition, so don’t worry. Invite who you want/can for your venue/budget, and if anyone is later offended or asks why they they didn’t make the cut, just politely explain that while you wish you could have accommodated more family & friends, due to venue limitations, your wedding had a smaller guest list. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee

    @Shkragoldfish:  Unfortunately, in these situations you have three choices: 1) set blanket criteria for who is invited: immediate family, first cousins, married couples, etc so it’s fair; 2) pick & choose your guests & be prepared to stand firm and explain your choice (if someone is so rude to ask); or 3) choose a new venue and/or adjust your budget and be a people pleaser. 

    Good luck! I feel for ya … None are easy choices.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2720 posts
    Sugar bee

    My little sister invited a lot of relatives to her wedding and I didn’t. I just ignored the questions and didn’t mention it to them, they got the point. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

     

    I see two problems with your plan to B list. First, you said the last round would go out four months before the wedding, which means the first round would go out at least 6 months before? That’s way too early. Plans can change and people who said yes may not be able to attend (or vice versa). If I got an invite 6 months before a wedding, I’d RSVP yes, but if my car break down or the washer goes out 2 months before, your wedding is the first thing to be cut. Or I may think it’s not possible to attend, then 2 months later things change and I can attend after all. Are you going to now un-invite me? Worst case, you have 20 from round 1 RSVP no, then turns out they can attend after all. You now have 20 more than you’ve budgeted.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4872 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Stick with your guest list and keep planning. If anyone asks, which they shouldn’t because it’s rude, you simply state that you had to limit the guest list due to the capicity of your venue. Period. Don’t do a “B” list, it just is what it is.

    I had a very large wedding, just over 200 people. My brother is getting married soon and they are having a MUCH smaller wedding….I think closer to 65 people. That’s a huge difference. We invited a lot of family and friends, where as they are sticking to immediate family (and cousins that we regularly see and interact with) and not even worrying about the relatives down the line. 2 different weddings, 2 different budgets, and 2 different visions.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2620 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    i would just have a after wedding luncheon at park for the guest who dont make the guest list b,c,d options… costco trays of turkeyrolls /crossant sandwiches  or costco cakes with punches and lite hor deouves somewhere where venue is free(park, family home, church )

    Post # 15
    Member
    539 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Yeah, you did sound rude. You posted a question asking for opinions,  I gave mine. Others have too, and you keep dismissing their advice and say thanks anyway but im doing xyz. As for the “type of wedding” I’m having, I’m having one where I don’t treat some like second class guests. What happens when your friend realizes they were your runner up?

    Post # 16
    Member
    6859 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I know you said option #3 is not an option, but it would be my choice,nevertheless.  If it’s not really about being able to afford a wedding, then to me, you invite the people who ought to be invited, and everything else comes after that.  People > Venue

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