What to do when the terrible mother-in-law happens to be your own mother?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9137 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@flummoxed:  Is there someone she respects that could help you have this conversation with her? I would hazard a guess that it would be better coming from an elder. 

Post # 4
Member
1266 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Ah, your mom sounds just like my FMIL! I think the best thing to do is to 1. tell her to keep an open mind and give the girl a chance 2. remind her that being mean to the girlfriend will only hurt her son and damage their relationship 3. emphasize that this girl will be a guest in her home, and she should act accordingly even if she ends up not liking her.

You should also remind your brother that he needs to stick up for his girlfriend should your mom say anything out of line.

Post # 5
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

When your mother talks ill of your brother’s girlfriend, give her one warning that you are not going to listen, then walk away.

Post # 6
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@flummoxed:  Can you shut down her comments right away? “Mom, I really like brother’s girlfriend. I don’t want to hear you talk poorly about her.”   I would then change the subject or tell her that you have to go.  Be polite but firm & hopefully she sees how silly she’s being.

Post # 7
Member
3249 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

“Roll her up in a blanket and throw her off a bridge!”

                                                              – Homer J. Simpson

Disclaimer: I do not endorse this course of action.  I discourage it as it is immoral and illegal.  Still funny to think about, but don’t do it 😛

Post # 8
Member
865 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

My mother is a complete bitch about my sister-in-law…for no good reason.  Everything she does is wrong, and she controls my brother totally, according to my mother.  As I’ve pointed out to her numerous times, by saying that, she’s basically saying that she bought my brother up to be a henpecked wimp with no spine of his own (which considering we are all half French, is so untrue it is laughable)

My mother is jealous, pure and simple.  SIL has a very good career, gets to travel the world and is happy with my brother, and that just burns my mother up.  

I find her attitude very sad and disappointing.  

Post # 9
Member
3016 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@TGold:  +1. Excellent advice.

Show mom the “high” road!

Post # 11
Member
42460 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@flummoxed:  If you click on “reply” at the bottom of the post, you don’t have to enter the Bees’ names  yourself, and the Bee gets a message that you have responded.

Post # 14
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@Duncan:  I laughed SO HARD when I read that!

@flummoxed:  I would suggest to you and your brother the following: when she starts with the comments you warn her once that those comments won’t be tolerated and you will leave if she continues. If she doesn’t listen then say:

“We love you very much, but we aren’t going to tolerate your behavior towards [ enter girlfriend’s name here ]. We’ll speak to you when you’ve calmed down.”

And then leave. And don’t talk to her for the rest of the day. Hopefully it will teach her a lesson, but if not at least it will show the GF that you two respect her and care for her.

If that doesn’t work (or you don’t want to try that first) then the suggestion by a PP about having a respected Elder speak with her is a very good suggestion as well.

Post # 15
Member
4163 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

do you have an aunt who could “set her straight?” She might take the criticism differently from a sibling than a child.

Post # 16
Member
9529 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Has somebody warned this girl? I’d have your boyfriend give her a warning. Nothing too serious or daunting but to give her a heads up and maybe help her not take things personally – “Just as a warning – my mom is a bit nuts about my girlfriends so don’t take anything personally – we never listen to her anyway and I’ve got your back!”

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