Post # 1
I’m currently in a phase where every little thing my SO does irritates me like crazy. I don’t want to be near him and I don’t want to talk to him. This has happened before and it went away and we were very happy, but it’s come back again. We’ve been together for over 3 years, and have been living together for over 2. I’m at a point (and again, this has happened before) where I’m positive we’re wrong for each other and keep thinking of all the things that make us incompatible. I feel like I could break up with him today and it would be fine (aside from the logistics part of things).
HOWEVER, as I’ve mentioned about a million times, this has happened before and once I got past it, our relationship was wonderful again and I had a hard time seeing a future without him. What may be contributing, as it has in the past, is my mental stability. I’ve started a new drug fairly recently that is making me anxious and irritable a lot of the time, primarily around him. I don’t know how much to attribute to mental clarity OR mental instability.
I’m just looking for advice, or people who have gone through something similar. For those of you in long-term relationships, do you ever go through these phases? If yes, how do you come out of them, or do you come out of them at all?
Post # 2
winstonchurchill: My FI hardly ever annoys me. I certainly don’t go through days of being consistently annoyed with him. If you’re just constantly annoyed with him and you don’t want to be around him, that’s not good. As long as he’s still treating you well, I would say that this issue is on you and is perhaps related to your new meds. I would talk to your doctor about it and if you are not seeing a therapist, maybe try one out and talk about how to deal with your irritability. I would try that first before going so far as to leave him, as you may regret it once you stabilize with your meds. If this persists, then it may just be that he’s not the one for you and you need to move on, but I would wait it out a bit and see if it’s just a chemical issue.
Post # 3
I would wait a bit due to the possibility the meds are clouding/affecting your irritability level. Talk to whoever prescribed them to you about what you are feeling or a therapist.
But – in general I think when the little things are bothering you its being caused by a bigger issue. When your relationship is happy you are more willing and able to let small things slide. When you are upset about some bigger issue you become less forgiving of little irritating habits.
Post # 4
When I have those days, it is typically because there is something bigger bothering me, or a trend of something bothering me. And unfortunatly, it typically comes up all at once. I had a complete melt down this weekend at my DH over chicken. Frozen chicken. He was in the kitchen in the morning making breakfast, which I’m not allowed to be around due to his preference. I asked him while he was in there to take out chicken to thaw for dinner. He didn’t, which means chicken was not thawed for dinner.
This lead to a melt down. Not because of the chicken, but because I was starting to get stressed by the fact that we had two major house issues that cost us $5000 in a week, and while that was happening he was working 11 hour days and I hardly saw him. The chores I asked him to do around the house weren’t getting done, including the second bathroom toilet still sitting in pieces and the vacuming I asked him to do two weeks ago. I felt that I was taking on everything around the house by myself (rightly or wrongly) and we had it out over chicken. It took some soul searching to get to the bottom of the problem on my part. For his part, he understood what was wrong when I finnaly figured out why I felt that way, and has taken steps to fix it.
Really, my suggestion is to really get yourself some time to get to the bottom of why you feel the way you do. I agree with prior poster, that it is most likley something bigger, or a combination of things that all point to one issue. Once you figure out what it is, approach him calmly about it (not my forte, as the last time we had this happen, other than having it out over chicken, we had it out over a broken dishwasher.) I’m trying really hard not to get to that point, but it takes pinning what is really bugging you first.
Post # 5
Well, this is certainly appropros right now, because I currently want to punch my SO right in his mouth. I’ve been feeling like that all day. He just started a new job, and there’s a million things he has to do. He has epilepsy, which has been acting up, so we need to get an accomodations form from his doctor so he’ll be covered under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and hopefully won’t end up getting fired due to the fact that he’s missed work a few times in the past few weeks.
He also has new insurance (or, actually insurance period, as he didn’t have any before). We need to get his prescription transferred over and all of the information input so that he is covered at his neurologist and when we go to pick up his prescription.
EVERYONE knows what situations like this are like–lots of phone calls, lots of emails, lots of forms. Of course, he can’t get in to see the doctor until next Thursday, and somehow his prescription expires tomorrow and neither of us were aware, but we can’t get his billing information from his prescription benefits card because the server is down and you know, a million other things because WHY NOT?
But SO is not so good with stuff like this. He has one phone call where he has to wait more than five minutes, or an answer that he doesn’t like and he throws an absolute fit.
I want to grab him by his shoulders and shake him and tell him to grow the eff up. But I usually just end up snatching the phone number from him and doing what I can on my own, because it’s just easier.
So, today, he irritates the crap out of me. Sometimes he irritates the crap out of me for several days. I just try to remember what I love the most about him and try not to picture giving him a pop in the nose ( just kidding! kind of.)
Post # 6
at times, but I’m an irritable bitch, so, yeah
Post # 7
winstonchurchill: i put occasionally. it never nothing a girls night out cant fix or drinks at a friends house. we have been together for 9 years dating and 1.5 years married. BUT DH has a job where he is gone for periods of time. so i think that makes a huge difference.
Post # 8
Thanks for the responses, ladies! It’s reassuring to know that we can occasionally want to throw them out the window (I may be paraphrasing there…). I just hate it that this total frustration with everything is accompanied by such a solid belief that it means we shouldn’t be together, and how much easier it could be to be alone.
Post # 9
I’d say this is a rare ocassion in my relationship, but my husband works nights so we really only see each other on weekends, so to me that makes sense lol
However, there are times when I can’t stand the crap he does or says – makes messes and doesn’t clean them up, constant ranting about work, etc.
Usually I just seperate myself for a bit – whether it’s a few minutes or a few hours. I’ll go read, take a walk, go to the mall, call a friend. If we’re “stuck” together (like on a long drive), and I sense he’s just ranting or venting, I’ll very gently change the subject. It’s pretty rare that I yell at him to stop or something like that. I just have to be very conscious of the fact that I’m sure there are times when I annoy the crap outta him too!
Post # 10
Becoming irritated with each other is not a common occurence for us. I’ve never questioned our compatibility..
If and when I get irritated with him, he’s usually irritated with me too, and its because we’re tired. We certainly have times when we don’t see eye to eye but its fleeting and uncommon. I wouldn’t say our relationship has been through any bad phases, its all been good so far.
If you’re on medication, that could be contributing to your irritability. I would speak to someone about that before jumping to any conclusions.
Post # 11
I said occasionally. Usually with that though, there’s a bigger issue that I haven’t figured out a way to discuss it with him yet OR I just am having a day where I hate everyone and everything. It does not last longer than a day. It usually ends without any sort of actual fight and him getting me to giggle or at least roll my eyes at him. He’s pretty good at that.
I have never had a period of time where I legitimately didn’t want to see/be by/etc specifically just him, just for him being him. I either want to be entirely alone, or need to discuss something with him that I haven’t formulated in full sentences in my head yet.
I would bring this up with your doctor. Medications can really mess with emotional states.
Post # 12
My husband does some little things that annoy me, but not enough for me to not want to be around him at all. If whatever he’s doing really bothers me I tell him to stop and he does his best to stop. Then I remind myself that I also have annoying and almost involuntary habits and we carry on.
If I’m feeling extremely annoyed and ready to snap it’s not because of whatever he’s doing, it’s usually something much bigger and the stress from the big issue amplifies everything else. When I start feeling that way he can usually tell, and will ask me what the real problem is because he knows there’s something stressing me out. We discuss the big problem and even if he can’t help solve it (it’s usually work related) I feel much better afterwards.
The only exception to this is when I was on birth control. It made me have wild mood swings and I took the brunt of my anger out on him. It was awful, bad enough that he wrote me a letter (he wanted to get all his thoughts out without me losing my shit on him) telling me that it was like I was a different person and that he thought I should try going off BC. I did and I went back to being my normal easygoing self. So I think it’s worth considering any medical changes as possibilities.
Post # 13
No, I get annoyed with various things he does and snap at him or walk out of the room coz I’m irritated but I never stay irritated with him for days at a time.
Usually I end up apologising about an hour after I snap because it’s just me being tired/stressed/anxious and taking it out on him.
Post # 14
winstonchurchill: I usually tell him. But I don’t usually get annoyed with him. He does have the really bad habit of not washing the dishes he’s put in the sink so they get caked on and crusty and it’s a bitch to get off. That would be the one thing that annoys me to death. Other than that we usually have a good system going on. Though sometimes when Charlie is coming up (Charlie = period, don’t know why I ever started calling my period Charlie, but that’s what I’ve called it since I can remember) some of the normal things he does drives me nuts.
Post # 15
I go through phases like this as well. I find it’s usually at stressful times, for eg. when we first moved in together I felt like he was sooo annoying! and then that phase passed and our relationship became stronger. Fast forward a year and a half and we have just passed another phase – this time because we have been living apart for a couple of months and have both been frustrated with not seeing each other. We have now passed it because we got another apartment together and he is now way less moody!