Weddingbee boards

It's as simple as that! If you are in this situation, you may know what it feels like to be torn to shreds inside. Having favorite children is one of the biggest taboos, but maybe your in-laws have them like mine do. But my husband isn't the favorite, and it tears me up inside to see the look in his eyes when he KNOWS IT.

What could you POSSIBLY DO?! Bring it up with your MIL? AHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyone else know how I feel?

Life goes on, and the favorite becomes more and more so, and as their family grows there are even MORE people who are more favored than the two of us.

I agree with the above statements.  I can't really relate, cause my FI is an only child, but I would imagine that knowing that he's your favorite person in the world should help a lot.  You obviously can't replace the love from his parents, but you can do what you are able to to help him.  Just curious, what do your in laws do to show him that he's not the favorite?

My fi isn't the favorite at all. His siblings get everything under the sun and he usually gets ignored or treated like a slave. They also tend to ignore me and I get fed up with his family treating me like a "favor of the month, she'll be gone" than his fi for four years.

I know exactly how you feel and there isn't anything that can be done. With my fi, he doesn't like me saying anything about it or pointing out mishapes. (Actually, we had a HUGE fight over his family and comments)  I have been taking on more of the supportive-keep-my-mouth-shut-even-if-I-am-going-to-bite-my-tongue-off state just like what miss cardigan mentioned. They hurt my feelings. And, even when this fight was happening, his family ganged up on me about never trying to "fit in" without ever thinking about themselves or their comments. Just passing the blame elsewhere.

@mrsawesome09 - I could write a book on how its shown, it's a multitude of things. The one that gets me most (the one you can't really call the parents out on) is "Black Sheep Syndrome" - other siblings have interests and life choices that align more greatly with the parents.

So, as they get married and have kids, they seem to bring the in laws more and more joy because there are more and more people just like them. Meanwhile, we try to live our lives and please them, but we'll never quite reach the top shelf for them.

It's disappointing and frustrating. I don't even wish that his siblings not be who they are - I just wish his parents would be more considerate with us.

@floridabeachbride- my husband is the same in that he doesn't like it to be discussed. I see HUGE slights by them, but he copes by ignoring it and that's not how I was raised. The fact that saying nothing is the best road to take makes it worse.

The STRANGEST part is that tension builds up, and although what you're desiring is more GENUINE love and attention you become upset with them and when they do pay you mind you want to ignore them and tell them to piss up a rope.

Its kind of the opposite for us. He is the favorite and I am not. It is never outright said but everyone knows it.

We tend to spend a lot of time with the other family because they act happy to see us and are more than thrilled when we come visit.  Also a big problem in my family is that my parents are HORRIBLE at following thru with what they say the are going to do.

-Like hey dad can you come help me move from a foreign country back to the states in 4 months. I will pay for your flight and everything. My dad agrees and I buy the ticket. Then two weeks later he tells me that he cannot come because he scheduled a work thing during that time. (My dad owns his own business and the thing scheduled is definitely not something that is a priority)

-Whereas with my sister who had an awards banquet in college and told my dad about it on a Tuesday and the banquet was on Friday - my dad drove 17 hours and cancelled work for 2 days on last minute notice.

I am in the same situation. I just make sure he knows he is MY favorite. =) It goes a long way.

Thanks very much, Bees. I definitely listen when he vents, but it doesn't come too often - he's resigned himself, I guess. Part of my newlywed woes is being resigned as well! Accepting that this is the way it is is hard! I wish it weren't!

Worse, I've become a worrier as an adult and I get this anxiety about the future because I think the canyon between the favorite and my husband is only going to get larger as time goes on - I think my IL's will only get more obsessed with them.

I'm trying so hard to accept this reality and MOVE ON, but I'm failing miserably at that. We don't even SEE the ILs, they live thousands of miles away and we get the odd email from them once a week. I never speak to them on the phone, but OMG THEY HAUNT ME!!!!!!! They are poltergeists in this mushy grey stuff in my head I call a brain!

@pinkpinstripes - EXACTLY the same. When my folks and the IL's got together on wedding-related occasions, all the IL's could talk about was the bf of a SIL. Not one bit of bragging about their OWN son... and his upcoming wedding!

Like I said, the favorites are very different people so the only thing I can hold on to is that (despite my competative nature) it is illogical to feel a competition going on. We are on totally different life roads and tracks.

But I just gotta let go. I gotta figure out a way to just LET IT GO and LET THE FAVORITES GO.

My DH was actually the favorite until I came along.  Now MIL constantly shows DH where he isn't in her life.  It sucks it really does but what sucks the most to me is that he goes back time and time again.  It's like he's constantly chasing her approval.  That has gone done some since we got married but still...how many times do you need to burn your hands before you learn not to touch the stove? 

I'm pretty sure I know what it'll be like when we have kids and I do not look forward to those days.  She already has 1 grandkid.  I don't feel I can do much because it's HIS relationship.  All we can do is be there for them but I've wondered if me being there and consoling him just makes it worse because he just goes right back. And he is surprised at how she treats him.  For me, it's like HELLO she's treated you like this for years now, how can you be surprised???