- 6 years ago
I am new to this and just wanted to vent/ look for advice on how to compose myself.
So, to make a long story short–I am the oldest girl in my family and I have a younger sister. She just got engaged ( in August) to her loving and perfect boyfriend of 2 years, although she’s barely 20. Me on the other hand–I’m in grad school and have been dating my boyfriend for a year now.
What I find particularly difficult to swallow is the fact that my boyfriend who I had befriended a year prior to us dating and I had been talking about getting engaged this past June, but due to us both being in graduate school we had to use “the ring fund” on rent/living expenses. My little sister on the other hand is just beginning her 2nd year of college and her boyfriend has just graduated himself. With them setting a date to get marriend on my birthday next May…I find it a bit irritating that my parents are footing the bill for everything while my boyfriend and I have worked so hard to complete our masters degrees, pay our own bills, and wipe our own asses…(lol)…
Now, to give you a little insight to things I’ll start by telling you that my little sister and her boyfriend are so very much in love and, well, I am happy for them both. As for myself…I think that I’m a little bitter and perhaps a little jealous because I want so badly to be engaged to the love of my life and have wanted to experience the same type of happiness she is currently experiencing.
To continue on with my story–Since I was supposed to be engaged in June I had found a wedding dress that fits perfect and made me feel so special. I ended up buying it because, well, I was close to having a reason to…However, when my boyfriend and I had to dip into our savings to afford (rent and tuition for summer school courses (so we could graduate earlier)) I knew that it would be a while before I’d be wearing that dress :'( Unfortunately, this dress now hangs in my closet behind my other clothing–I guess it’s easier to forget I even allowed myself to get that excited…
Anyhow–Since my little sister’s recent engagement and even more rapid succession of wedding planning, she too, has found the perfect dress (which I was not invited to help her look at/purchase due to me attending grad school in another state). After calling my little sis and hearing all about her plans a few things had been brought to my attention:
1. I am not in her wedding or/ her MOH
2. She and her FI are getting married on my birthday (Hello 16 candles plus a few years….)
3. And lastly, my sisters wedding planning/engagment retailiation–…meaning that my little sis knew that my BF and I were supposed to be engaged and that I had bought the dress…So, when I called and asked for a picture of her in her dress (the exact same one that I had bought) she also called to mention that she was so happy to be engaged (with the ring that I too had picked out) because then you’re truly a bride to be and it’s not “cheating” to look and browse.
–To make sure you’re still with me after this gigantic rant, the thing that truly bothers me is that I feel as though I have been shut out by my little sis and that my other family members/friends keep asking (well, when is it your turn being that most of my friends who are 25+ years old are already married)…. Now it seems that I am feeling as if I can’t get engaged because now my family has turned everything into a competition of “Who’s the first bride to make the plunge?” So, I guess what I am trying to ask is how can I “let it go” and curb my frustrations and jealousy?