(Closed) What to do with all these bridesmaids

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
3170 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Not sure how you feel about it but you don’t have to have even sides, we have one less groomsman and it’s not a big deal. If you have to have even sides then I think the junior bridesmaids are a good idea.

Post # 4
Member
5481 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

STOP!  Don’t pick bridesmaids until about 9-12 months before your wedding!  There are SO MANY BEES who pick bridesmaids right away then get really let down and disappointed when they don’t live up to their expectations.  I’d say, just enjoy being engaged for now.  You’ll see over time how certain people naturally step up and offer to help, and other ‘friends’ sort of flake out or become unreliable.

Since it seems like you are already having some family interference, I’d just say that you’re taking this time to enjoy being engaged and that you’re not ready to officially select a wedding party at this time.

 

Post # 5
Member
1019 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@thefuturemrsD:  It’s nice that his cousins would like to be bridesmaids. I would LIKE to be a princess, doesn’t mean it will happen. It is very important that you pick people who matter to you and you want up by your side… there is nobody you “HAVE” to put in (like his sisters and SIL, if you aren’t close to them and have friends you are closer to, then the sisters and sil can be greeters or something else) keep in mind you have other tasks like readings, greeters, etc that people can be part of if you’d rather have closer friends by your side there.

ETA: also, IMO 16 and 18 are too old for junior bridesmaids and should be considered bridesmaids at that point.

Like PP said, take the time to enjoy being engaged for now, don’t rush, but in the end make the choices right for YOU not everyone else.

Post # 6
Member
3943 posts
Honey bee

Whoa. First of all, I think you guys should take a step back for a little bit and enjoy the engagement. You have only been engaged for 3 days! What’s the rush?! I didn’t choose my bridal party until probably 6 months later.

Second of all, you’ll get a lot of opinions from well meaning family members and friends about what you should do, etc. It’s your decision who is in your wedding-not your aunts.

Third of all, wedding parties dont need to be even. There isn’t a magic number. You should choose people who you truely love and plan to have in your life forever. Unless there is some crazy family drama (which I have), choosing your party should be the easy part of planning.

So like I said…take a step back and enjoy it. You dont need to make any decisions right now 🙂

Post # 7
Member
45386 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

First, congratulations!

Second, take a deep breath and stop what you are doing. You have loads of time to make decisions. What you do now, you may regret later.

No one should be pressuring you to include anyone as a bridemaid-including your aunt.

You do not have to include all female relatives on both sides.Some of them can be guests.

I would wait until you have made more concrete decisions about the wedding before choosing your attendants. If you read some of the posts about bridesmaid drama, you will realize that choosing your bridal party too far out can be a problem. People have falling outs, drift apart, move, financial circumstances and your ideal wedding change etc

 

Post # 8
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Sorry, just going to chime in with a few things that may make me unpopular:

-You don’t “have” to ask anyone to be in the wedding

-FI’s sisters should be in the wedding if you consider them close friends and WANT them up there with you

-You dont have to have even sides

-You dont even have to have a wedding party, if you dont want

-Screw your Aunt. You should respond to her you “want” a million dollars.

-ONLY ASK WHO YOU WANT – everyone else will complicate things for you.

Post # 9
Member
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I second all of the things said here. You are not obligated to make anyone a bridesmaid. If family is already interfering, in 6 months you might decide to screw everyone and do a destination wedding!! haha but in all seriousness, just wait. Enjoy being engaged, get your head wrapped around what kind of wedding you want, and about a year before the wedding you can think of who is the closest to you (not on paper or blood- but who, on your wedding day, will be able to keep you calm and happy and tell you how beautiful you are a million times and mean it!!) Who would be willing to put out the time and money that it takes to be a bridesmaid without any bitterness or resentment towards you? Who is able to be selfless during the wedding events and help you be the center of attention for your shower, bachelorette, and then wedding? It’s about who you love, who loves you, and who will continue to be a part of your life as a married couple.

Post # 11
Member
3584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s way too soon to be choosing this.  That being said, not sure why the SIL would be picked.  Normally it’s just sisters.

Post # 12
Member
5983 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Whoa! Easy Thunder!  Too soon to be formally inviting anything, you just got engaged, and that is awesome, just cruise on that for a while, be happy, drink some champagne, walk around with the new ring on and be happy…you have plenty of time to invite your closest friends and family to make you insane every day leading up to your wedding!

Post # 13
Member
5481 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@thefuturemrsD:  There is no law saying that you can’t ask someone for help even if they aren’t a bridesmaid.  Two days before my wedding, my best friend’s sister came over to help me cut ribbon for the favor baggies.  She was not a BM and in no other way involved in the wedding, except from being invited as a guest.

You can make plans, look at pictures, gather your ideas, and take your best friends dress shopping with you without having officially named them your “bridesmaids”.  I think you’ll sort of naturally figure out who you want standing up for you as time progresses since you’ll see who steps up to help, who is there for you for support, and who is genuinely interested in your wedding. 

People change, relationships change, and unfortunately, weddings do tend to bring out the worst in people. 

Post # 14
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@DaneLady:  this x100.  there’s no reason to select and advise bridesmaids right out the gate.  Just take a while to enjoy your engagement and worry about the wedding party once it becomes time to actually help/order dresses. So much can change in almost two years. 

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