Post # 1
This will probably be the first of many posts asking for wedding advice. I just got engaged on Saturday and have started some wedding planning, and am surprised at how many details I didn’t thinking of when I was waiting and browsing, and my mom hasn’t been offering me too much help as she has a new boyfriend and isn’t interested in helping me right now.
My current problem is choosing Bridesmaids. I have looked up websites on how to do it and asked other, but I am still having trouble. I have WAY too many people that I would love to be in my wedding. I have been thinking about this since Sunday. Today I thought I finally came to a conclusion about who I was going to have in. FI has 2 sisters and a SIL that we have to put in so that took up 3 of my spaces. I had 5 other friends and family members I wanted to put it, but I finally narrowed it down to putting only my 3 cousins in and leaving friends out. Well today FI gets a text from his Aunt telling us that his 3 cousins would like to be bridesmaids in the wedding. We were already planning on putting his male cousin in as a GM, but that leaves me with 2 other girls I need to find a place for. I already had to leave all my friends out of the bridal party. I was thinking Junior Bridesmaids (when we get married one will be about 16 and the other will be 18), but does anyone else have any ideas or advice on what to do with them?
Post # 3
Not sure how you feel about it but you don’t have to have even sides, we have one less groomsman and it’s not a big deal. If you have to have even sides then I think the junior bridesmaids are a good idea.
Post # 4
STOP! Don’t pick bridesmaids until about 9-12 months before your wedding! There are SO MANY BEES who pick bridesmaids right away then get really let down and disappointed when they don’t live up to their expectations. I’d say, just enjoy being engaged for now. You’ll see over time how certain people naturally step up and offer to help, and other ‘friends’ sort of flake out or become unreliable.
Since it seems like you are already having some family interference, I’d just say that you’re taking this time to enjoy being engaged and that you’re not ready to officially select a wedding party at this time.
Post # 5
@thefuturemrsD: It’s nice that his cousins would like to be bridesmaids. I would LIKE to be a princess, doesn’t mean it will happen. It is very important that you pick people who matter to you and you want up by your side… there is nobody you “HAVE” to put in (like his sisters and SIL, if you aren’t close to them and have friends you are closer to, then the sisters and sil can be greeters or something else) keep in mind you have other tasks like readings, greeters, etc that people can be part of if you’d rather have closer friends by your side there.
ETA: also, IMO 16 and 18 are too old for junior bridesmaids and should be considered bridesmaids at that point.
Like PP said, take the time to enjoy being engaged for now, don’t rush, but in the end make the choices right for YOU not everyone else.
Post # 6
Whoa. First of all, I think you guys should take a step back for a little bit and enjoy the engagement. You have only been engaged for 3 days! What’s the rush?! I didn’t choose my bridal party until probably 6 months later.
Second of all, you’ll get a lot of opinions from well meaning family members and friends about what you should do, etc. It’s your decision who is in your wedding-not your aunts.
Third of all, wedding parties dont need to be even. There isn’t a magic number. You should choose people who you truely love and plan to have in your life forever. Unless there is some crazy family drama (which I have), choosing your party should be the easy part of planning.
So like I said…take a step back and enjoy it. You dont need to make any decisions right now 🙂
Post # 7
Second, take a deep breath and stop what you are doing. You have loads of time to make decisions. What you do now, you may regret later.
No one should be pressuring you to include anyone as a bridemaid-including your aunt.
You do not have to include all female relatives on both sides.Some of them can be guests.
I would wait until you have made more concrete decisions about the wedding before choosing your attendants. If you read some of the posts about bridesmaid drama, you will realize that choosing your bridal party too far out can be a problem. People have falling outs, drift apart, move, financial circumstances and your ideal wedding change etc
Post # 8
Sorry, just going to chime in with a few things that may make me unpopular:
-You don’t “have” to ask anyone to be in the wedding
-FI’s sisters should be in the wedding if you consider them close friends and WANT them up there with you
-You dont have to have even sides
-You dont even have to have a wedding party, if you dont want
-Screw your Aunt. You should respond to her you “want” a million dollars.
-ONLY ASK WHO YOU WANT – everyone else will complicate things for you.
Post # 9
I second all of the things said here. You are not obligated to make anyone a bridesmaid. If family is already interfering, in 6 months you might decide to screw everyone and do a destination wedding!! haha but in all seriousness, just wait. Enjoy being engaged, get your head wrapped around what kind of wedding you want, and about a year before the wedding you can think of who is the closest to you (not on paper or blood- but who, on your wedding day, will be able to keep you calm and happy and tell you how beautiful you are a million times and mean it!!) Who would be willing to put out the time and money that it takes to be a bridesmaid without any bitterness or resentment towards you? Who is able to be selfless during the wedding events and help you be the center of attention for your shower, bachelorette, and then wedding? It’s about who you love, who loves you, and who will continue to be a part of your life as a married couple.
Post # 10
Wow thanks everyone for all the responses. I know I should just enjoy being engaged and we are. When I tell people I am planning already they wonder whats the rush. I currently work 2 jobs and will be starting nursing school next fall so wont have much free time for the whole year before the wedding so I am trying to get some of the important decisions out of the way and at least have some sort of a plan. I am picking bridesmaids early so I can enlist their help cause I need all the help I can get.
She wasn’t pressuring us to include them, I guess I didn’t give enough information. FI is very close to his 3 cousins and his Aunt. She wasn’t telling us like “put them in or I will shun you” she was just suggesting if we needed some bridesmaids they would like to be in the wedding. Since FI is close with them and we spend alot of time with them I really would like to find some way to include them in the wedding somehow. I thought maybe they could hand our programs and help seat everyone.
I am not close with FI’s older sister, we are friendly, but not close. His younger sister and SIL I am very close with though so I definately want them up there with me, but I dont want to exclude his older sister because she is very helpful(and an excellent party planner!). I know everyone has been telling me you don’t have to include his sisters if you dont want to, but they are his family and I feel as though they should all be included in our day with us and I really have no problem with them being in it and wouldn’t even think of not putting them in. It just sucks that he has so many sisters!
It’s just hard to choose who you want to stand up there with you when you have so many people who are close to you. I so far have gone with the “In 20 years will you still be close with this person?” way of elimination. I just wish there was a way to include everyone somehow.
Post # 11
I think it’s way too soon to be choosing this. That being said, not sure why the SIL would be picked. Normally it’s just sisters.
Post # 12
Whoa! Easy Thunder! Too soon to be formally inviting anything, you just got engaged, and that is awesome, just cruise on that for a while, be happy, drink some champagne, walk around with the new ring on and be happy…you have plenty of time to invite your closest friends and family to make you insane every day leading up to your wedding!
Post # 13
@thefuturemrsD: There is no law saying that you can’t ask someone for help even if they aren’t a bridesmaid. Two days before my wedding, my best friend’s sister came over to help me cut ribbon for the favor baggies. She was not a BM and in no other way involved in the wedding, except from being invited as a guest.
You can make plans, look at pictures, gather your ideas, and take your best friends dress shopping with you without having officially named them your “bridesmaids”. I think you’ll sort of naturally figure out who you want standing up for you as time progresses since you’ll see who steps up to help, who is there for you for support, and who is genuinely interested in your wedding.
People change, relationships change, and unfortunately, weddings do tend to bring out the worst in people.
Post # 14
@DaneLady: this x100. there’s no reason to select and advise bridesmaids right out the gate. Just take a while to enjoy your engagement and worry about the wedding party once it becomes time to actually help/order dresses. So much can change in almost two years.
Post # 15
Thank you so much everyone for being so helpful and for the great advice. I am going to take everyone’s advice. I am going to just enjoy being engaged (and do a little planning!) Hopefully in time I will see who helps me the most and choose my bridesmaids and MOH from there!