Post # 1
I have just a little dilemma. I really want to ask my FBIL’s girlfriend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding, the four of, me, my FI, my FBIL, and his girlfriend are all very close. Ordinarily I wouldn’t dream of putting the girlfriend or boyfriend of a sibling in the wedding, what if they break up, the awkwardness of a lifetime of wedding pictures with a random person in them, those sorts of concerns. However, my FBIL is proposing, he has the ring in hand. Actually when we went to get a ring designed for me from my FI’s great-grandmother’s diamonds my FBIL came to one of the meetings and had his ring designed with some of the other diamonds. (Apparently she liked her diamonds.) Unfortunately my FBIL’s girlfriend has had some family problems that have called her back home for a while and my FBIL has postponed his proposal. He really doesn’t want their engagement to come at a sad, stressful time in her life. I perfectly understand, with what she has going on she and her family don’t have the time to celebrate an engagement the way it deserves.
So my problem is this, my FBIL doesn’t want me to ask her to be in the wedding until after he proposes because he fears that will give it away. So I’m waiting, but now I’m starting to get afraid that he’ll wait until it’s too late to ask her. I don’t want her to get all the work and only a little bit of the fun of being a bridesmaid!
Would you ladies ask her to be in the wedding no matter how late their engagement takes place, or would you acknowledge her with another role? She’s a professional stage actor and singer and my fiance and I thought about asking her to sing at the wedding. Does that sound like a nice, meaningful role to give someone?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2009 - St. Thomas of Villanova Church & the F.U.E.L. House
It seems like, with an August wedding for NEXT year, you still have plenty of time! A singing role sounds great, but if you really wanted her IN the wedding, could you find out from your brother approximately when he’d be proposing?
Post # 4
Your wedding date is a year from now – definitely take a step back and give it some time. In the meanwhile you can ask your other bridesmaids and if you are sending group emails, include her, but don’t technically ask until it’s ok. I’m sure the boyfriend will propose very soon, those things tend to burn a hole through any kind of material 😉
Post # 5
Well, seeing as how your wedding is in 1 year, I wouldn’t do anything yet! Give it another month.
I think acknowledging hre with singing at your wedding instead of a bridesmaid isn’t near the fun and honor of being a bridesmaid.
You got PLENTY of time, really.
Post # 6
I think that asking her to sing is a great idea! It is definately meaningful, and thoughtful of you to ask her.
Do you guys talk about wedding-related things? Because if you wait until she is engaged to ask her to be a BM, it might seem a little strange to her. If I was her I would wonder why you had an odd number of attendants. Just sayin…
I just realized that it’s next August. You should have plenty of time to ask her!
Post # 7
You can wait a while before asking her. If you’re close though I don’t think that HAS to mean he’s proposing. If you’d rather ask her to fill another role like singing, that seems acceptable too. Then she’s already planning on participating and you can add the bridesmaid duty later or something.
Post # 8
Definitely wait if the BIL has asked your to wait. But personally I don’t think asking her to be BM will be a clue that he’s going to propose especially if yall are all super close and they’re in a committed relationship 🙂 Either way, you should definitely ask her to sing in the wedding I’m sure she would feel honored and you can ask her now which may give her a little boost and something happy to look forward to while she deals with her family’s issues.
Post # 9
Thanks ladies, you’ve helped a lot. I’ll definitely ask her to sing sometime soon, but of course I have to wait to ask her to be in the wedding until my FBIL gives me the okay. I want everything to go just perfectly for them, I don’t want to be the cause of added stress! I realize I have a long time to plan all of this, I’m just trying to get things done rather quickly because I and my two bridesmaids are students living spread all around the country, none of us living in our hometown. So we have only about four or five times in the next year to get together! Although my fiance and I live about four hours away from where our wedding will be, we’re in Houston, it’s in Dallas, we are trying to get as much done as possible relatively quickly as we’re moving to either New York or Boston at the end of December.
With the wedding party being so spread out I’m sure most of the festivities will occur in the week before the wedding anyway, so I’m sure my hopefully FSIL won’t miss out on the fun!