(Closed) What to do with my to be mother inlaw?

posted 5 years ago in Dress
Post # 3
2055 posts
Buzzing bee

Can you offer to take her shopping so that you can both look at dresses together? 


BUT remember that at the end of the day, a dress color is not worth the extra stress/headache, if she puts her foot down and wants to wear Bridesmaid or Best Man blue. Maybe try looking at her perspective as well (she doesn’t want to be twinsies with your mother since she’s an older, grown woman?). Your mother will look lovely in her red, and instead of thinking of it as “sticking out,” you can think of it as “standing out” (much more positive). 🙂

Post # 4
207 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

its your wedding, so she needs to be more understanding. Explain to her that this is the color that she needs to wear and that’s that.

Post # 5
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I have a similar problem.


My future Mother-In-Law is Korean, as is my mother, and while my mother is wearing a traditional Korean dress, my future Mother-In-Law is not. I expressed to my future Mother-In-Law that I wanted her to wear a Korean dress, she said something about Korean tradition and not feeling comfortable “in her heart” to wear a traditional Korean dress. So rather than deal with the headache, arguements, or whatever that would ensure, I just said okay. So now she’s wearing a blue knee length dress that looks like something one would wear to church. This will clash with my bridesmaids’ red dresses, but the fact that my step-mother will also be wearing an American dress, I’m less upset about it now than I was months ago.


I don’t know if this helped at all. 😛

Post # 6
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

So because your mom picked red … you making your Future Mother-In-Law pick red?  What if she doesn’t like that color …  or looks terrible in it. 




She’s not getting a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress right?  So who cares if she matches… I mean seriously your mom went with red .. did she think she wouldn’t stand out? 


ETA are you paying for your FMIL’s dress… then maybe you can call the shots on that

Post # 7
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

As long as theydont wear wedding dresses, our families and guests can wear what they want. The important thing is that the people we love are there with us not whether we get pretty pictures. 

Post # 8
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 1998

I didn’t have any input into what my mom or Mother-In-Law wore– it never occurred to me to worry about it. My mom ended up with a dress that was only a slightly darker shade of my wedding colors and honestly, I loved it. I know that may not seem helpful, but in the grand scheme of things I’m not sure this should be considered a big problem. There will likely be other guests in bright clothes and your mom will blend right in.

Post # 9
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@jbbs1222:  I would show her pictures of different style dresses in different colors.  Maybe she’ll end up liking one of them and go with a different color.

Post # 10
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Your Future Mother-In-Law and BMs may be together in like one picture…if that. I think you’re asking too much. This doesn’t sound like an argument worth having, especially if you’ve already asked her 5 times. She should wear what she wants. 

Post # 12
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

She is free to wear whatever she wants. The bride gets to dicatate the attire of her Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs, that’s it. Seriously, not a hill worth dying on. Do you really want to start your marriage at odds with your Mother-In-Law, over a dress? C’mon now. Much better things to spend time worrying about than this. No one’s going to mistake her for a bridesmaid, and if they do, who cares?


Post # 13
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, I’m a 3 time MOB and this isn’t even an ant hill to die on.  No one will confuse her for a Bridesmaid or Best Man at all.  It really doesnt’ matter if she wears the dark blue.  As far as your mom’s dress goes, I’m sure she will look stunning.  

I know you say you don’t want her to wear the same color as the BM’s, but you also say if Future Mother-In-Law gets a blue dress your mom will stick out like crazy.  Your Future Mother-In-Law shouldn’t be expected to choose a dress that makes your mom feel better about a dress that is brighter than she wanted.  I’m sure it will all be fine.  The best pictures are made when people feel beautiful and happy.  She needs to choose the color and dress that makes her feel that way.

Post # 14
1589 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I agree with Always Sunny. I remember my sister’s Mother-In-Law ordered the same color dress as our skirts were (back when seporates were the style) and yeah, it really did NOT matter in the end.

No one is going to think she’s a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The pictures are going to end up in an album in the closet. It’s really not worth stressing over.

Just b/c it’s your wedding doesn’t mean you can dress people. (except bridal party members of course)

Post # 15
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d let this one go. I do understand why you’re annoyed, but realistically no one is going to think she is a bridesmaid, and there will be very few pictures of her with the bridesmaids, and also very few times when her and your mom will be next to eachother. Yes it’s your wedding and I know you’re concerned about your mom’s feelings – BUT it’s also equally your husband’s wedding, so his mom’s feelings matter just as much. I’d keep looking into getting your mom’s dress dyed, or make the guy screwed it up fix it, if that will help her feel less insecure about the color. Don’t take it out on your Mother-In-Law.

Post # 16
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Wonderstruck beat me to the punch, but I’ll echo: It’s also her son’s wedding in addition to yours, and you would be wise to prioritize your long-term relationship with her over the short-term issue of what color she wears to the wedding.

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