Post # 1
so my fi was just on the phone with an old friend from high school. the last time they talked was 3 years ago. he calls out of the blue because he’s moving in the area. they talk and the conversation about fi being engaged comes up. friend says wow that’s great…when are you getting married? fi says july. friend excitedly says, dude i’m coming i’m there!
1. we haven’t sent out invites yet, but we didn’t invite him.
2. we can’t possibly invite more people because we’re tight on the number of tables we have. we don’t know if we’ll have more room because again, i haven’t sent out invites.
3. friend wants to get together with fi tomorrow and i’m pretty sure wedding stuff will come up.
What should fi say or do? AAAH! Why do people think they can just invite themselves? =p
Post # 3
Just let your FI know that he needs to explain, nicely, to his friend that you have space and budget limitations. While you would ideally love to be able to invite everyone, its just not possible. If you are absolutely sure you won’t be inviting this friend, you can have your FI tell him that while you would love to be able to invite HIM, you just can’t. If you think he may be a B-lister – maybe you would invite him if you had space – he can be a little more vague (we’re still working on the guest list).
And remember – "dude I’m there" could be just an expression of enthusiasm. I have had several people assume they were invited, and all of them were embarrassed by understanding when we explained that really its a small wedding – just family and a few close friends. Its also possible – your FI’s friend sounds young – that he is thinking of the wedding as sort of a giant frat party where everyone can just drop in. Just explaining that you are having a small, formal event rather than a big dance party often takes care of the problem.
And really, you shouldn’t have to do anything but coach your FI as to what to say. It’s his friend after all – and so his responsibility.
Post # 4
I probably wouldn’t say anything (cuz I’m too chickensh*t) unless the friend presses on about the wedding. He might be excited now because it’s news to him and he’s just moving to the area. Maybe after the meetup tomorrow, your FI and him won’t hang out again for a long time. If I were your FI, and the friend wants details, I would tell him that the wedding will be small and intimate – close family and friends – due to size limitation of the venue (it doesn’t hurt as much when you can shift blame to the logistics). Hopefully he’ll get the hint.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2018 - The Desmond Hotel in Malvern, PA
I think people, guys particularly, are sometimes oblivious to the fact that your wedding guest list doesn’t just consist of everyone you know and it’s not a regular old party. They don’t always get the whole cost factor, space factor, etc. I am sure that this guy is not trying to really invite himself — he is just excited to hear about the engagement and is ignorant to the fact that you’re not always invited to the weddings of everyone you know.
If he asks your FI about the wedding, I’d just make sure he knows to emphasize that you’d love to have more guests but it’s a smaller affair that at this time won’t allow any additions, cost-wise and space-wise, since your guest list has been set in stone for long before this guy came back into the picture, and maybe invite him to an after-party (if there is one?) as a friendly gesture.