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Cheerful, I hate to say this and I am by no means trying to be harsh, but when they made their feelings known that they wanted to be there, I think that means they are still really hurt. I totally understand why you eloped and it sucks that they just couldn't pull it together, but if they're not willing to take that step you shouldn't beat yourself up over it--just feel good that you got the best one out of the family :D
I eloped for my first wedding, for many of the reasons that you listed. I was surprised at the congratualtions and well wishes and gifts that we received. No one was mad. I'm sorry that you are having this experience. Although I don't think that you can expect gifts, a congratulations card would be in order.
You know I thought about eloping a few times through the process of planning my wedding. I would do knowing how expensive it is and how much both sides of our family can be with expectations of a wedding.
My older sister had a big wedding, and practically did everything my mom wanted. Catholic wedding, having it at a chinese restaurant.
My younger sister had the opposite. 50 people were invited. It was short notice. When my family found out... they sort of had a family intervention to tell her that she was doing it all wrong and that they expect her to have a real reception.
Yeah, I knew for me I was screwed when I had my wedding. How much I'm paying for this wedding I would rather spend it towards a down payment to a house but I'm doing this for my FH. He would never elope because his family is so big.. but there have been times where he said it would be easier to elope.
Anyway, what I'm saying is from my younger sisters wedding. there was a lot of backlash because of her wedding. But people eventually got over themselves. There's going to be a period of shock and then they get over it.
They shouldn't (I hope) hang this elopement over your head. A few of my friends got married in a very small wedding... only family... and at first i was dissapointed that I wasn't invited but realized how difficult it is planning a wedding. I understand. Even if they could have invited me, they didn't. I'm not going to stop being friends with someone because I wasn't invited to their wedding. Weddings are hard and you can't invite everyone.
Also, this is what you guys wanted. This was your decision to elope. And it seems like it was a success. Congrats!
Do you think maybe the the things you are experiencing have to do with the two of you being out of the country? Maybe it's easier for the family to express their negativity because you are so far away and your friends lack of response is the "out of sight, out of mind" issue? I've never eloped, but I have moved a lot and I've sometimes been really disappointed in how some friends don't stay in touch at all. Even good, close friends stopped responding to emails, voicemails and FB posts, etc because I moved away.
I hope the family warms up soon and let's it go. In the meantime, enjoy your newlywed status with your hubby:-)
I just cannot imagine being so mad at someone that I cared deeply about for eloping! it's their business! These people seem like they're the closest in family to you, because you'd considered having a wedding with just them present, but they sound like a bunch of self centered jerks for giving you such a hard time. They may not be, but they are sure acting like it at the moment. Damned if you do, damned if you don't have a big wedding. I'm glad you had the perfect wedding for you, and i hope that you begin to get the support and love that you guys deserve!
@cinemaparadiso Thanks for the words of encouragement! It's just so weird to get married and only be met with annoyance. But I guess that's the exact same reaction we got with our engagement too! (His mom on our engagement: "you're free to make whatever decisions you want to with your life.")
@eeniebeans That's great! When we were thinking about eloping, we read the popular paperback on the subject and it said everyone would be thrilled with an elopement and send presents. I'm glad to hear it's true for someone!
@yrret107 My gosh, you certainly did have a pickle when it comes to your own wedding. We're getting a some backlash because we would have been the first of our generation to get married. Grandparents: "I don't know if we'll ever live to see a grandchild get married. No one is getting engaged and I guess they'd all go and elope too." Laying on the guilt much? LOL. Thank you for your really thoughtful response. It ultimately isn't up to my husband or me whether or not they choose to hang this over our heads. We just need to be happy and not take on their drama. You sound like a wonderful, understanding friend and yours are lucky to have you!
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This was discussed a little bit on one of the lack of presents threads, but I was wondering, hive, what does a couple who eloped have a right to expect?
My husband and I originally wanted to elope, but decided to try to plan a fifty person wedding to placate those in his family who felt they should be there. Our wedding efforts were met with demands, complaints, and a total lack of support. We were not offered financial assistance, practical assistance, or emotional support. In an effort to enjoy our wedding day and make it about our marriage, not their demands, we eloped. We had a planned, black-tie elopement with four dear friends and made a whole wedding out of it (getting ready, ceremony, photos, fancy dinner in a private room). We just left out the big guest list. A week after we married, we moved to Italy and sent announcements in the mail.
We have received exactly one card of congratulations. There have been a few emails, most expressing surprise more than celebration. His family is upset. We were accused of dangling the prospect of a fifty person wedding as a "red herring," so we could perfidiously elope without them. We have been called "immature." Now, none of this detracts from the total perfection of our wedding day. It was bliss, peaceful, joyful, fun, exciting and yes, we were surrounded by love. It wasn't "just" eloping, the way I hear it referred to so often on the boards.
Am I unjustified in feeling hurt that so few people have congratulated us? I know I need to get over this and my husband keeps reminding me that our wedding was perfect :-).