Post # 1
I was just reading another post and started to wonder about whether or not I’ve been doing the right thing.
We live abroad now so there’s just no way we can travel home for weddings. We’ve missed a couple and I’ve gotten gifts worth ~$150 off the registries for everyone. I figured that was more than enough since I didn’t even go to the wedding. Should I have sent cash?? Now I’m worrying about it…
Post # 3
I would give the same as I would have if I did attend. If not more because they really want you there to spend their special day with them, but you weren’t able to so you need to make up for it somehow
Post # 4
- Wedding: September 2012 - Schloss Heiligenberg/ Spearfish Canyon Lodge
I think your friends are very grateful that you’re giving such generous gifts! And regarding whether cash or material presents is better, I think it really just boild down to personal preference. I personally prefer giving things unless the couple asked for money/gift cards.
Post # 5
The gift you give the couple should depend on your relationship with them. (and your financial situation, I suppose. A college student won’t be able to afford the same kinds of gifts that an established professional will.)
If you are very close to the couple and would have loved to be at the wedding, give a gift that expresses that – for you. (I need a new car after the wedding, but that’s not a wedding gift in my circle! My family likes to give dishes and photo frames)
If you are not especially close to the couple, you may not need to send a gift at all – a letter congratulating the happy couple is all that’s required.
When I must decline the wedding invitation of a friend, I try to give the same kind of gift I would send if I were attending. I usually shop based on relationship, not whether or not I’m going to the wedding.
Post # 6
I give at least the same as I would if I were to attend. However, if the wedding invovled travel expenses that I saved by not going, I’d probably give more.
Post # 7
I usually give what I would have if I did attend. However, I got married in June and the majority of people that declined did not send anything…so I’m not sure if this is something that is changing or if people just have bad manners.
Post # 8
Hmm this is very interesting!
@Jacqui90: I think assuming that people really wanted us there might be an over-statement. Some people definitely did but to some I know for a fact my decline was a relief because they were over their guest limit for the venue. More than a few guests on my list are there purely out of obligation.
Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess I hadn’t put a lot of thought into it before I started planning for my own wedding so maybe I’ll be more sensitive going forward. I think if we’re really close to the couple then not going wouldn’t really impact how much we gift them. But for everyone else… I just don’t think we should have to give the same $300+ we’d normally give!
@abbie017: I see your point but for us it’s really not even an option because we’re a entire day’s worth of travel away (25 hour flight home) so sure, we’re saving like 3 grand by not going but let’s be honest… I wouldn’t even consider it unless it was one of my closest friends. And even in that case, I doubt we’d both go because it’s just too expensive.
You guys do have me thinking though..