Post # 1
I am 20 and FI is soon to be 23, our wedding is in 5 months. I’m kind of past being fed up when people gasp at the age and then listen to me explain “weve been together for almost 5 years”…like i need to reasure them we know what were doing . The new kicker is I have FFIL always casually saying things like “whens it going to be your turn?” In reference to having a child or “I want to meet all my grand children before im gone” (hes late 50s but has the active level of an average 20 year old lol) THEN we have random people such as FI’s co worker, Ex: we were in the mall and spotted her and stopped to chat. Her six month old was reaching for me (never saw him before) and shes like “want to hold him?” I said sure, and basically the first thig she says is “dont get any ideas”
Like wtf people….why is it that everyone thinks they have a say in or an opinion on anybody’s reproductive decisions -_- It’s so annoying. FI and I have talked about this topic A LOT, we know we want to wait because both of us are heading back to college next year, are working towards moving to a new province and prefer to have more than just a solid rlationship for our baby to be born into, because having a steady income and a home rather to buy or rent is awfully important to us too.
What do I say to people who dont mean to come off in an innocent “stepping on your toes” kind of way? Simply that we have already discussed that topic and know what we would like to accomplish first to better our lives and our baby’s?
Post # 3
Whenever people ask when we’re going to have kids, I ask them if they’re going to pay for it. It usually shuts them up.
Post # 4
I think people raise an eyebrow at young people getting married because you have a statistically higher than average rate of divorce and because, we all remember who we were at 20 and most of us are grateful we aren’t the same person 🙂
Just keep a sense of humor about it. Honestly, people just don’t like to watch other people do things they perceive as bad ideas, like marrying young, which, I’m sure you know a lot of people consider a bad idea. It’s obviously not a horrible idea for everyone. They also assume that the second everyone gets married, they have babies.
Laugh it off with the baby thing and say “Oh gosh, we’re not there yet!” and change the topic. Or “I have a list a mile long of things to do before I have children”. It’s not their business, but I promise, most people aren’t trying to be vicious or hurtful.
Post # 5
It gets worse after you’re married. I just smile and say “not ready yet”. No need to tell them exactly why you’re waiting.
Post # 6
I get being a sidge upset of constant questions, however the last incident where the lady jokes “don’t get any ideas…” was just a joke. I doubt she’s said it multiple times. Are you sure you aren’t getting a little defensive over every thing? I do understand the constant pressure of having a child and like the first poster said…ask them if they are gonna pay for it. I was 31 before I had my first child so you can imagine the amount of times my friends and family harrassed me over it during the 6 years before that, that I was married. 😀 Just try to take it easy, some people joke, some people push, it’s best to learn the difference.
Post # 7
For a lot of people, marriage=kids. So much so that, at our wedding, MIL was going around talking to people about when we’ll have kids. Ridiculous. In this day and age, we can choose when/if we want to procreate, and it’s not a totally expected part of marriage. You should just kindly deflect these comments with a smile and an ambiguous remark about “Maybe someday…” Sorry people are so rude!!
Post # 8
yikes – i hate when people do that.
one time (this is about 3 years ago, when i was 21) i was at SO’s house for dinner with his parents and their friends who were about 30 who had brought their new baby. i had NEVER met these people before.
after dinner we all went into the living room to talk etc and SO’s mum made a comment about how cute the baby was, i said ‘yes, he is’ and the husband said, ‘tick, tick, tick…’ while looking at my SO. SO was confused, and the husband said, ‘that’s the clock – doesn’t take long!’ he then went on this huge diatribe about how we’d been together a while, and that ‘things happen quickly’ and that we’d have a baby soon.
i was MORTIFIED – SO’s parents looked like they were about to keel over and die and i hate that guy to this day. people are quite literally insane when they want to be.
Post # 9
@Peach_Cobbler: Nah, i know its a joke, its just upsetting….i feel its no ones buisness, what if we WERE trying at that point and she said not to get any ideas, i might have actually put her in her place right then and there….im usually calm and laid back, but its a touchy topic for me lol
Post # 10
@peonyinlove: oh wow! yikes :s Wonder how his wife was feeling about her husbands choice of words..
Post # 11
- Wedding: September 2014 - Turf Valley
@AutumnBella: I can sympathize, although my future inlaws haven’t made any comments about us having children yet. It makes things super awkward. Like, “Uhh.. ok.”
Post # 12
That woman was probably just being funny unlike his dad. It’s annoying at first but it’ll most likely die down after awhile. Just tell people you have no intentions of having a child soon and you two will wait until you are both ready no matter what any one else thinks. You could also just say 9000 years from now.
Post # 13
Sounds like everyone has a different, and annoying, opinion! I think people are just thoughtless sometimes in what they say, and selfish. My parents, and a lot of people’s parents got married young are divorced- and I think that has something to do with why people are judgemental about other people getting married young- I am not saying that getting married young is a recipe necessarily- I am saying that people are projecting, perhaps? Just an idea. You are in no rush to have kids, golly! I would just ignore people, try to tune them out. I mean, that lady with the baby was projecting as well- you WEREN’T getting any ideas, she told you to hold him! Sheesh.
Post # 15
You can’t win no matter what age.. trust me. I was 36 when I got married. RIGHT away people started asking when we’d start trying and that we should hurry if we want kids.
7 months later we got pregnant.. I’m 31 weeks now and you wouldn’t believe how many people say “wow.. busy year” or “WHEN did you get married?” implying we got pregnant very fast after marriage.
You really can’t win.
Post # 16
You’re mad that people aren’t validating your decision to marry very young, and then you are mad when people do validate your decision and then ask you what the next step is going to be. Can’t win, eh?
If you’re mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to set healthy boundaries with your family about what is ok to discuss regarding your relationship.