(Closed) What to Say!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Run, run very far away….no seriously…

You are in a tough spot no matter what you say or do, if she honestly loves him and is willing to give up her dreams for this selfish, selfish man, you cannot say anything if you do you will be made out to be the bad guy and she will most likely view you as the bad guy and stop speaking to you entirely….

If you are going to give her advice be very careful what you say…don’t give her advice that is directed to her necessarily, instead use words like…if it were me, or I have had GF’s in the same situation and this is what happened, what they did….speak in platitudes…the guy sounds like he is controlling as well so he could make her cut all ties with her friends and family…by the sound of he he really has total control over her especially if he’s away and can still make her do his bidding…

Sorry I couldn’t be of more service…hopefully you will get some more advice from fellow bees…

Post # 5
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Kee_Jay22:  I think the wisest thing to do would be to stay out of it.  Good luck!  Keep us posted, I hope she can talk some sense into him.

Post # 6
663 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings

Thats a hot mess you dont want to get involved in. Just keeping being a supportive friend. I feel so bad for your friend 🙁

Post # 7
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Just be a supportive friend. this is their issue to work out on their own. As far as him just wanting to go to a courthouse, isn’t the marriage the more important thing here? What is more important to her a big party or a marriage?

Post # 8
6745 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

That is a tough situation, but I think if you value your friendship with her, then you should be honest yet polite. 

Personally, I would talk to her and tell her – Friend, if a wedding is important to you, you should ask him why it isn’t important to him.  Anything this important to you should also be that important to him.  If he doesn’t want to give you what you want because he is putting his desires about yours, ask yourself if this is what you want to put up with forever.  There should be a compromise.  That’s what a good relationship is all about.  So, talk to him again, see if you can find a common ground.  If you can’t, then you need to ask yourself whether this is something you want to deal with forever or not.  And if it is, I fully support you.  And if it’s not, I fully support that, too. 

I wouldn’t talk badly about him. I wouldn’t tell her which way to turn.  I would just push her to stand up for herself. 

If she stops being your friend over this, then I don’t think you’ve lost very much. 

Post # 9
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would tell her to take some time to herself, to do some thinking about what she wants out of life.  I’d remind her that no one will think badly of her if she chooses not to marry him.  I’d even go so far to express to her that you are concerned with some of what she’s told you because it sounds very controlling and manipulative.  I’d end the conversation with reminding her that you love her, she is am amazing person, and you will support her through whatever decisions she chooses.

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