What to say to MOH who stood me up? (longish)

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

@Overjoyed:  Hmmmm. This is a tough one. My heart says to text her “Meh. Not really caring at this point. Certainly not the effort to talk. Best wishes.”

…but… she’s your blood cousin/best friend. Aren’t you freaked out? Does no one in your family know what happened to her? This would have been investigated by me before the wedding, I suspect, b/c it would freak me out so much. 

I have no answer. I am dumbfounded that someone claims they want to talk but can’t be bothered to get in touch within 90 days. Seriously. WTF? This one is going to haunt me!

Post # 4
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Overjoyed:  This seems really strange.  Is everything alright in her life?  I would reach out to her and see if she is having some sort of crisis you can help her through. Unless there was some sort of blow out between the two of you you didn’t mention, or it is typical for her to run really hot and cold, I would be really really worried about her.

Post # 6
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@Overjoyed:  This would be so frustrating to me. I am stubborn so I would most likely like tell her you aren’t interested.

Post # 7
434 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

There has to be something missing here. Did you two have a fight? Did you get in an argument? Did you offend her in some way?

Post # 9
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It seems strange to me that the two of you didn’t have this out when she bailed on you a month before your wedding. Did you try contacting her to ask why she was doing this? I know you sent her that email after she contacted you, but if I had been in your place, I would have been tracking her down to figure out what was going on. There has to be something missing here.

Post # 10
5228 posts
Bee Keeper

@Overjoyed: My cousin pulled the exact same thing, except she didn’t bother to tell me that she wasn’t coming to the wedding– I found out at our rehearsal dinner! That was almost 2 years ago and we haven’t spoken since, she sent me some well wishes on Facebook. Honestly, I am much better at cutting the losses and moving on than trying to figure out the “why’s” and ” how’s” someone could do something to hurt me.

It reminds me of the book He’s Just Not That Into You, if someone wants to talk to you, they’ll call. If they want to see you, they will move heaven and earth to see you. Excuses only last so long, so for YOUR sake, I would just not respond and move on– considering it a loss until she reaches out. The emotional yin-yang thing isn’t something you should subject yourself to just because she is family. 

Post # 11
405 posts
Helper bee

@Overjoyed:  Umm… your BFF/cousin dropped off the face of the planet, and you haven’t stormed over there to find out what the hell was going on???  This seems really weird.  If it was my cousin or BFF – heck, anyone I love, I would be demanding answers.

Post # 13
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I’ve been both on the giving & recieving end of situations like this (never bailed on someone’s wedding) but regarding the whole fizzle of a friendship. 

The fact is, you are no longer a priority in her life, and unfortunately your friendship isn’t important to her much anymore. Neither one of you did anything wrong, you’ve just entered another phase in your friendship where you probably arn’t clicking anymore. 

If I were you, I would just wait to talk to her whenever she finally contacts you. It isn’t worth your effort to wonder when she is going to call, or to try to chase her down yourself. When you do talk, I would just express your feelings of disappointment to her that you feel your frienship has shifted. At this point it will be up to her to work harder, or yall can just leave things on friendly terms and move on with your lives. However, often times these friendships that are strong, then grow apart, are notorious for becoming strong again. So while yall may grow apart now, you could be back strong in 10 years.  

Post # 15
560 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

She has time to go out with her friends but she doesnt have 5 minutes to give you an actual phone call??? She left you alone on your wedding day without so much as a genuine apology or reason, but ultimately…..No one can control how we feel except ourselves. Dont let HER control YOUR feelings, you can choose to detatch yourself from the situation but you are choosing to let her emails tug at your heart strings. She let go, so now its time for you to let go as well. Dont seek out a response or a reason, just ignore her back and if she wants to contact you she can do that on her own time, its not your responsibility any more.

Post # 16
405 posts
Helper bee

@Overjoyed:  Got it.  Yeah that does make things super difficult.  My best friend lives 60 miles away.  I forget that not everyone is so close!!!

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