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OMG!!! I have never heard of anyone asking about sex?! WHO DOES THAT?! That's just gross and M and I do have sex but I'm sure he'd knock his friends' block off if they asked about our sex life and those types of things. That's insane.
I always just smile and say I don't kiss and tell. That will usually do the trick.
Your decision with your fiance is a very personal one. I give you kudos because I don't think I could wait until we were married.
If people ask you about it, I would just tell them it's a personal question and drop it there. People will talk and people always assume, so if they say something that makes you feel awkward, do your best to let it slide right off your shoulders and just change the topic. I know, I know, easier said than done.
Best of luck.
Oh man, that's frustrating.. Luckily this isn't something I have experienced personally, unless it's with friends who we're really close with. But for his coworkers to say stuff like that... Well it's a bit disrespectful and rude.
If you're not comfortable telling people you don't have sex, then I would just say something like: "That's not a topic I share with other people." or something like that. It's kind of blunt, but it gets the message across and the person probably wouldn't say something again.
By the way, I respect your choice immensely. Good for you!
Honestly, I would assume that an engaged couple is having sex, unless I know they are very religious. But I would never think that it was appropriate to ask them about their sex life, especially in mixed company. Tessabella's response is perfect.
Another example, is when we were hanging out at a local bar with a friend, he happened to make a comment about make up sex, and Mike and I just look at each other like......stfu! It made us a feel awkward earlier but now a days we have adjusted to it. I just find it so odd how people ask us questions and say such ignorant comments.
I guess it might be helpful to know that I am 22 and he is 24, so our friends may be a bit on the immature side..:(
I did have someone come up to me yesterday and say, "So, you knocked up yet?" 
It really took me by surprise and I had no response at the ready. I should have said, "oh you didn't get the memo?" or "Well, I haven't told Mr. DG yet, but since you asked..."
Sheesh! It's a really personal thing and might not be easy road to conception... Some people have no tact!
In this day and age I think everyone assumes that adults who have been dating a long time have sex. So don't get offended about that. The choice you have made is commendable and very personal, and honestly it's no ones business but your own. I agree that a witty, pointed comment like Tessas is in order. It gets the point across that it is none of their business.
I woud have been equally offended by anyone who thought we had sex before marriage, but most of the people in my normal circles would assume we hadn't so thankfully I didn't have that problem.
Because I have firm beliefs about this, i think I would have stated that we were waiting until marriage. Because I wasn't the least be embarrassed about it. But depending on the audience, I might just say, "That's really none of your business, is it?"
Regardless of your decision it's a rude question--I'm sorry you've had to deal with it!
Ask them how their sex life is in return. :) I really feel like inappropriate questions deserve inappropriate answers. Of course, I hear the questions only get more personal and uncomfortable when it comes to conception and pregnancy...
Ok, after I wrote that I want to add that some of those people who were inappropriate probably didn't mean to offend you, especially if sex before marriage in common in your social groups. Not that it's any of their business, but my friends and I sometimes make inappropriate jokes. I don't mean to offend them; I'm just being immature, like you said.
Like last weekend I was teasing a co-worker for not coming out to the bar with us after the local roller derby match. Turns out he is Mormon and it's against his personal beliefs to drink alcohol or be around people drinking. I felt like a complete jerk. Not that he should've felt pressured to tell me what his specific beliefs are, but I also wasn't saying it to offend him. I immediately appologized to my co-worker after he told me, but I still felt bad. Some people (like me!) just have a tendency to say the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Bizzare! I can't believe people are asking about that; it's SO rude and SO not their business! Even if you had been having sex, can you imagine what kind of guy would actually answer the question about how "engagement sex" was??? Ew. I feel gross now.
I would just say, "That's personal" and leave it at that, because it's true and it should shut down further conversation about it. Seriously, what is WRONG with some people?
WOW that is incredibly presumptuous. Even though it's incredibly rude, I think it is bothering you more simply b/c it is completely untrue. And let's face it, we all hate when people make incorrect snap judgements about us. Such is life though.
You could ask said rude person, "would you care to know what i had for breakfast, too?" (i'd probably say, "would you care to know how my morning poop went, too? really?" in order to show that that was indeed inappropriate
I think you just need to say "well, that's none of your business". You don't need to defend yourself or launch into why you aren't (same goes for anyone else who is), it's the plain and simple fact that you don't need to explian your choices to anyone, especially Joe Blow.
That being said, if these are people that DO know you, take it in stride. I joke around with my friends, too and give them good-natured crap for stuff all the time. I can thankfully say no stranger has come up and said that to me, though! I would easily say, "wow, my sex life is not something I discuss with others" which is perfectly true, isnt it?
Oh gosh, "how" is the sex is just....ew.
Wow, regardless of the status of such private activities its not their business! I imagine that they don't even realize they are being rude.
I would simply say 'better that what you're getting, I'm sure' and walk away, but I can be nasty sometimes.
I'm in a similar boat - fortunately, FI gets more of the comments than me - I think it's a guy thing, really. People will always make assumptions - I try not to let it bug me, but I TOTALLY understand your frustration.
My response really depends on my relationship with the people making the comment. If they are close - I'd tell them the truth. If not, I just laugh and say "wouldn't you like to know" and walk away....
Yeah my fiance gets all of the crap from the guys at work and then has to tell me about it sometimes...he says he just brushes it off. The gross thing is that these guys like to tell my fiance all the gross things they do to their wives. I would be appalled if my man were telling guys at work, or anyone, what we did in our sex lives...ew
I get asked about this too by my family sometimes! I'm just like omg... I barely talk about it with my friends, what makes you think I'm going to tell you about it?????? My aunts are terribly nosy and rude and want to know if I've still got the v-card and if I'm living with him and all sorts of things. My mother knows but doesn't know any detail and if she asks something I don't want to answer, I just say "Do you really want the answer to that?" And that makes her think twice and she'll usually back off.
I can't believe people do that! It's annoying whether or not you have sex. Not to mention inappropriate.
Just ignore it, my FI is a plumber and at his old job, they would literally harrass him (we are waiting too) I am pretty sure he just would shake his head smile and walk away.
It really is a guy thing. I think, something isn't connected correctly in their brains and it makes them act like idiots. haha
Geez! Who are these people? I have never been asked, either, but all the hive seems to be coming up with great responses...
wow what a rude question! in this case, i understanded your frustration! i think it's best to try not to get offended by most comments, because in our society, it is the norm to have sex before marriage, so i doubt people are trying to upset you, they're just being presumptious. there is no way they would know of your choice to wait (not that its any of their business!!). but that question about engagement sex blows my mind! what a jerk! like the bees said, just use some witty comment to shut the guy up. sorry you are having to deal with that!
That's terrible! I have the same problem though=(
I usually just say "none of your business" and walk away. I don't play that game.
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I dont really know what section to put this in, the closest i could decide on was etiquette...lol. Anyways,
Both my fiance and I have had sex previous to our relationship which started 2 and a half years ago. From the beginning, we vowed not to have sex unless we got married and have stuck to it! Our reasoning for this is we are Catholic and have been really dedicated to it throughout our relationship. A few of our close friends know that we dont have sex, but a lot of our friends/aquaintences think we do...cuz apparently theres nobody who waits anymore (vent).
It really pisses me off when people we barely know make comments about sex or about our sex life. For example, when mike and I got engaged and he told everyone at his work, they all were asking him how the "engagement sex" was and asking him all these personal questions about me. Of course he just plays it off and walks away, but it really pisses me off! Especially when people say things in front of both of us--it can be so awkward! I just want to be like...what the f makes you think we are having sex?! Ugh! Have any of u ladies experienced this??? How do you handle it?!