What TTC has taught me

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsFireChief:  I’ve learned that I don’t like not being in control. I knew that I would not be able to make it happen exactly when I wanted to, but some part of me thought that by charting & knowing when I ovulate, then making sure to BD at the right times, I would get pregnant immediately. I’ve not been at it as long as you (only on cycle 4 now), but it’s been a bit humbling to see how little control I actually have in this area.

Post # 4
Member
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MrsFireChief:  oh, and ditto on the jealousy. I’m not proud of it, but it can be tough when you see people who started trying at the same time as you or later getting their BFP. The thing is, I truly do wish everyone well and hope we all get our BFPs. I don’t like feeling that twinge of jealousy at the same time.

Post # 5
Member
261 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yes to all of these! Wow, I didn’t even realize I am feeling all the same things til I just read your post. 

My husband and I met late in life as well, we’re both 37 and married last April. We got a bfp on our first cycle trying in July 2013, followed by mc and D&E in August. 

1. I knew I was impatient before but now it’s worse! Right now am waiting for my period Bc I think my O schedule was messed up last month from traveling.

2.  I’m more scared of another mc or other health-related issues. I’m expecting the worst when it comes to no sleep and massive stress with a newborn!

3. It’s really hard. I see pregnant people everywhere. I have a good friend who struggled with infertility for a long time. Now I understand how frustrated she was, even though our situations are not the same.

4. YES. Meeting my husband when I was 34 really showed me that life has a crazy path and things happened for a reason. I was ready to be married at 30, but hadn’t met the right guy. Now I feel like it’s all fallen into place and this will too.

5. Haha I all but convinced myself that I was pregnant this month. I sat down and made a pro and com this list morning since my period is a few days late. The top 2 cons were that I didn’t get a positive O on the OPK and have all BFNs this week. Seeing it written down helped me realize the twinges, nausea, emotions and headaches I’ve been having are likely PMS!

Hang in there! It’s helpful to me to hear others going through the same thing. Since all of my IRL friends have little kids. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@MrsFireChief:  + a million!!  I am extremely jealous too – I see BFPs on here and I think that someone stole mine.  Its horribly irrational – but thats how negative I am while TTC.  I am also convinced everyone will get pregnant before me…even friends that arent trying yet.

I also learned how hard it is to actually conceive!  I always thought the minute I stopped taking BCP I would get knocked up.  Obviously not the case…

Post # 7
Member
3756 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

I have learned that I am also ridiculously jealous. Especially people on here that pop up being like “oh my gosh, we weren’t even trying and surprise!” uuuuuuuggggghhhhhh. But I have learned not to judge someone’s journey before you know the whole story. An acquaintance of mine recently posted her pregnancy on FB and I got alllllll kinds of jealous and catty over it (in my head only, of course). And then I actually saw her in person and she told me that it had taken her a long time and she had to go through IVF to get there. I felt horrible about the mean thoughts I’d been thinking. I also have a close friend that is trying at the same time as I am and every month I worry that she’ll get there first. Then I found out she had a MC but didn’t tell anyone about it and felt just awful. She knew what i’d been through and it made me so sad to know that she had to go through it too, but is too private to reach out to talk about it.

I have learned that no matter how much I SAY I want to wait until after the wedding, I hope for that BFP each and every month and am disappointed when AF arrives.

@IAmTheShadow:  I also have issues with control. I’m a control freak and the fact that I can’t control this makes me crazy. With perfect timing and no BFP month after month, I can’t stand it.

 

Post # 8
Member
1734 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

Threads like these are a dose of reality. I mean no insult to the many women who get their positives quickly, but that stuff tends to dominate the “TTC” boards here. I find that the women who have been trying longer (6 months+, 12+ months) are not as prevalent nor anywhere near as vocal – I guess because we’re really in the minority, even statistically speaking.

 

TTC has been very isolating. I’m in my mid-20s, my husband’s 30, and we’re now in our ninth cycle. I’ve never had a BFP. My cycles are very  normal. I get positive OPKs every month. I’ve just started temping because I’m now staring down the reality that I might be sitting in an office in a few months, asking for help. Sure, it’s just as likely in the next few months that I can get a positive…but I’m not holding my breath and I’m bracing myself.

If I were older, I imagine this whole process – trying for 9 months – would be less isolating. But at my age, most of the women who are having these difficulties have obvious problems (PCOS diagnosis; endometriosis; irregular periods; not ovulating)…something like that.

I look at the stats and get myself all depressed because I’m a goof. Seriously. The first time I saw that 80% of women had gotten a positive by 6 – 8 months of trying, it killed me. Through the first year, I think the success rate is only 85-90%; so then I start thinking, “Of the remaining 20%, half of them are going to be seeing doctors for help/trying longer than a year, and the other half could still conceive by year’s end.”

Jealousy is a tough one. One of my SILs had a baby in December ’12 and posted one of her famous attention-seeking statuses yesterday about how she feels so blessed and everything is going her way…usual “I’m being super vague and begging you to ask me about it” type stuff. Naturally, people start commenting, “OMG, is #2 on the way?!” She laughed it off and said “no,” but man, in that moment, it killed me. Since she tells everyone everything about herself, I’m well aware they planned to start trying again this month.

It will kill me if she winds up getting pregnant before I do. Don’t get me wrong – I want her to have a family as big as she wants. But somehow, the “failure” of TTC feels closer to home when I’ve been trying 9 months longer, and she winds up preggers before me. They’ve also had a series of TTC-related difficulties and troubles (several diseases), yet managed to conceive #1 within 6 months. And…here we are!

BUT – getting into the nitty-gritties:

1. This has taught me that I’ll never go on the birth control pill again – and that I’ll get started on #2 pretty quickly after #1. I have 6 packs left, and at this point, I’m pretty sure I’ll never have need for them again. Won’t be needing anything the first 2 months after I give birth. I might just use barriers after that, then start trying (if we’re going to try) for #2 starting when the kid’s 8 – 9 months old. I know the general advice for best health is to space births 18 months apart, so that would work…and that is, of course, assuming I got pregnant with #2 immediately! (Lololol :D)

2. Other people just don’t get it. My husband’s grandma has a tendency to do the whole, “When are you two going to have one?!” and “What are you waiting for?” style stuff. To which I smile, lie my butt off and tell her I don’t want any. You’d think these people would’ve encountered someone who had fertility problems at some point – or people who were, at least, taking longer than usual to get pregnant, and learn to shut their mouths.

3. Every month feels like “This is the month.” Over the last 9 months, there have been many wonderful opportunities to announce a pregnancy to my husband. Our anniversary! His birthday! Thanksgiving! New Year’s Eve! …And all came and went without a whimper. I’ve giggled at possible Independence Day Due dates and cringed at the prospect of having to tell everyone I’d be due on September 11th (I don’t mind it – but I’d get sick quickly of hearing it from everyone else).

 

Post # 9
Member
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I hear you on the jealosy thing.  For every person who get’s her BFP is a reminder that I haven’t had mine.  We have severe MFI issues, so we know we have no hope without intervention.  If my first IVF had worked, I’d be due in March.  Seeing the March boards is a punch to my (empty) gut.  Unfortunately, this has had the opposite effect on my faith (though I wasn’t very religious to start with).

I would have been lost without the ladies on the 1+ board.  They are my rock.  I don’t really look that much at the other threads, and I don’t know how many of them do either.  That could be why we’re quieter.  When I log onto WB, I go straight to my profile and then go right to the 1+ board, rather than find the thread on the TTC page.  I only look at other threads when I have time to kill (like now).  For anyone who’s been trying for a long time, or knows she needs intervention, please join us at 1+ (we knew about DH’s issue before we were TTC, so I joined the 1+ board as soon as we started the process since I figured that’s where I’d “meet” people who knew about IVF, etc.).  There are several IVF and IUI vets there.

Post # 10
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@mrsfirechief, thank you for writing this post and being so honest. 

I learned that despite BFP posts and FB feeds, there alot of people TTC. I’m on alone on this journey.

Post # 11
Member
3344 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Rhode Island

@CookieCreamCakes:  Wow, I hear you.  I haven’t been TTC very long, but it’s quickly becomig apparant that there may be something wrong with me.  Right now, I’m holding out hope/in denial.  I’m on CD56 with no AF in sight and definitely no BFP.  I’ve only been charting for the past 15 days, but it’s pretty obvious that I’m not ovulating.

We went to my DH’s parent’s house for Xmas.  His grandmother would NOT leave me alone!  She actually touched my belly and said, “Are there any announcements?”  It really bothered me.  I want more than anything to get a BFP, but you can’t get pregnant if you don’t ovulate, and I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  I haven’t been diagnosed with anything.  And I’m too scared/hopeful right now to want to see my OB about it.  I tried to play it off like we’re not trying yet to his grandmother and said something like, “We’ve only been married 8 months.”  But I just wanted to scream.  People, esp the older generations, just do not understand that conceiving can be a touchy subject.  Your fertility is hugely personal!  I wish people would just leave us alone.

I’ve learned:

1) TTC is not nearly as easy as everyone thinks it will be.  A lot of it is out of your control.

2) Temping is STRESSFUL!  But I’m not patient enough to NTNP.  And if there is something wrong with me, I want to have the data from my charts to show my OB.  So for now I’m going to continue doing it, even though every morning is like getting punched in the stomach and heart simultaneously.

3) I’ve also renewed my faith in God’s plan and trust that I’ll get pregnant when I’m supposed to.  Although that can be harder to accept some days than others.

Post # 12
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

wow…it’s like I could have written these posts (though not so eloquently as a lot of you Bees)

Thank you for writing posts like these, they do really help. 

Post # 13
Member
2764 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’ve learned that I have no control of this process and it has made me a bit jaded after 3 chemical pregnancies in 5 cycles I know that a BFP for me means nothing and just wait for AF to show up late. I know I haven’t tried so long and I try to stay positive but 3 cps in such short time has been too much for me to handle and I’m starting to feel anxious and depressed (I used to struggle with depression in the past). I’m re-learning coping techniques to deal with my emotions.

I’m happy/excited whenever I see the BFP announcements in the TTC boards and IRL pregnancy announcements, but sometimes I can’t help to think, why not me? Why I can’t have a sticky baby? I have to remind myself that everyone’s journey is different and to not compare myself to others. 

@MrsFireChief:  Thank you for your post and honesty!

Post # 14
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

@MrsBaldEagle:  “I am also convinced everyone will get pregnant before me…even friends that arent trying yet.’ this is EXACTLY how I feel

Post # 15
Member
5987 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I am very early in the proces but here is what I have learned:

1. TTC is hard. this is probably the most emotionally stressful thing I have ever been through. and I have suffered with drug and alchol abuse (a long time ago) and depression. 

2. TTC is exhausting, emotionally.

3. I feel completely alone, even though I honestly know that I am not

4.  I get very jealous. I am happy for others when they are pregnant. but i do think, if they can, why cant i? It doesnt help that I work in a building with about 10 OBGYN’s and pedicatric clinics so I see pregnant women and newborns several times a day. its like everyone is pregnant but me! This hurt me even before TTC 

5. I will never take BC again. ever. 

6. I am so impatient.

7. Positive thinking! I constantly catch myself thinking “this is never going to happen for me, I know it”

8. I need a hobby

9. I am an emotional sap. I am literally crying my eyes out as I type this

10. I am a horrible at giving DH the right signs that i want to BD

11. I am not as sexually irresistible as I thought (ugly laughing while crying) 

Post # 16
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@CookieCreamCakes:  My SIL is pregnant with baby #2.  She got pregnant on OUR wedding night.  So incredibly jealous that she’s going to have 2 kids – and I’m not even pregnant yet. Queue irrational thinking of how we deserve it more…

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