Threads like these are a dose of reality. I mean no insult to the many women who get their positives quickly, but that stuff tends to dominate the “TTC” boards here. I find that the women who have been trying longer (6 months+, 12+ months) are not as prevalent nor anywhere near as vocal – I guess because we’re really in the minority, even statistically speaking.
TTC has been very isolating. I’m in my mid-20s, my husband’s 30, and we’re now in our ninth cycle. I’ve never had a BFP. My cycles are very normal. I get positive OPKs every month. I’ve just started temping because I’m now staring down the reality that I might be sitting in an office in a few months, asking for help. Sure, it’s just as likely in the next few months that I can get a positive…but I’m not holding my breath and I’m bracing myself.
If I were older, I imagine this whole process – trying for 9 months – would be less isolating. But at my age, most of the women who are having these difficulties have obvious problems (PCOS diagnosis; endometriosis; irregular periods; not ovulating)…something like that.
I look at the stats and get myself all depressed because I’m a goof. Seriously. The first time I saw that 80% of women had gotten a positive by 6 – 8 months of trying, it killed me. Through the first year, I think the success rate is only 85-90%; so then I start thinking, “Of the remaining 20%, half of them are going to be seeing doctors for help/trying longer than a year, and the other half could still conceive by year’s end.”
Jealousy is a tough one. One of my SILs had a baby in December ’12 and posted one of her famous attention-seeking statuses yesterday about how she feels so blessed and everything is going her way…usual “I’m being super vague and begging you to ask me about it” type stuff. Naturally, people start commenting, “OMG, is #2 on the way?!” She laughed it off and said “no,” but man, in that moment, it killed me. Since she tells everyone everything about herself, I’m well aware they planned to start trying again this month.
It will kill me if she winds up getting pregnant before I do. Don’t get me wrong – I want her to have a family as big as she wants. But somehow, the “failure” of TTC feels closer to home when I’ve been trying 9 months longer, and she winds up preggers before me. They’ve also had a series of TTC-related difficulties and troubles (several diseases), yet managed to conceive #1 within 6 months. And…here we are!
BUT – getting into the nitty-gritties:
1. This has taught me that I’ll never go on the birth control pill again – and that I’ll get started on #2 pretty quickly after #1. I have 6 packs left, and at this point, I’m pretty sure I’ll never have need for them again. Won’t be needing anything the first 2 months after I give birth. I might just use barriers after that, then start trying (if we’re going to try) for #2 starting when the kid’s 8 – 9 months old. I know the general advice for best health is to space births 18 months apart, so that would work…and that is, of course, assuming I got pregnant with #2 immediately! (Lololol :D)
2. Other people just don’t get it. My husband’s grandma has a tendency to do the whole, “When are you two going to have one?!” and “What are you waiting for?” style stuff. To which I smile, lie my butt off and tell her I don’t want any. You’d think these people would’ve encountered someone who had fertility problems at some point – or people who were, at least, taking longer than usual to get pregnant, and learn to shut their mouths.
3. Every month feels like “This is the month.” Over the last 9 months, there have been many wonderful opportunities to announce a pregnancy to my husband. Our anniversary! His birthday! Thanksgiving! New Year’s Eve! …And all came and went without a whimper. I’ve giggled at possible Independence Day Due dates and cringed at the prospect of having to tell everyone I’d be due on September 11th (I don’t mind it – but I’d get sick quickly of hearing it from everyone else).