Post # 1
They say opposites attract and after my FI and I took a marraige assessment during our pre-maritial counseling I realized just how different we are when we it comes to traditions.
My mom used to call me her “out of the box” child..why because I don’t purposely try to do things non-traditionally but I like to do things based on what makes since to me..not just because it is what is expected. My out of the box thinking sometimes annoys my siblings because they think I’m just trying to be defiant, when really I just prefer not to feel like I am a robot.( not that traditional people are robots)
So my FI is a traditional type of man and he is proper and prefers to follow the rules of etiquette in life. He likes knowing what to expect and likes to do things that are expected, he would rather follow a tradition that doesn’t exactly make since to him just so he doesn’t offend anyone. I love him for keeping me balanced..but with our differences we bump heads occasionally.
So I am curious about who is traditional and who is nontradtional in the Bee’s relationships? Tell me why you and your SO are traditonal or not traditional?
Post # 3
@proverbs131: I said both non just so I don’t select the dreaded “it depends” because I think it technically depends for most people… but by the terms you’re speaking of, I think we’re both fairly non-traditional. Neither of us want to offend anyone and sometimes we do things because of that, but generally we do what makes sense. We’re both very thinky people, and we always question why a lot of things are how they are or why people do what they do, and feel a lot of people are just sheep. lol
I dislike pointless things in general… but some things are fun/enjoyable despite being pointless, so I guess it depends on what you mean.
Typically though, I’m very unusual/odd, and a lot of people have said so. lol Several people have said I’m “very unique”… many guys add “especially for a girl.” haha.
I think fiance was more typical in a lot of ways, but I’ve inspired a more atypical nature in him that he’s seemed to embrace. haha
So do you have any examples? Like between traditional and non, or when you or your siblings bump heads because of it? I don’t know if I exactly know what you mean…
Post # 4
I’m definitely the one who worties anout traditions and such. FI is much more laid back. but I’m also a very outside of the box person. I find it useful to lnow what is expected so I can make decisions that are thoughtful but always do what I believe is right for me/us.
Post # 5
@yanamari: Ok examples of me being non traditional with my siblings is for family functions my sisters always want to watch the same movies and play the same games when we get together…none of us really enjoy ourselves when we play the games and actually fall asleep on the movies that we have seen 10 thousand times before. So I have chosen to break the tradition and try to get us to play different games that doesn’t cause my adult sore loser sister to have a temper tantrum when she loses.
I didn’t put up a Christmas tree this year..because I didn’t see the point of doing it..but of course my siblings called me crazy
Here are some examples of how my FI and I bumped heads for the wedding. I wanted to have a First Look so we could take pictures before the wedding and not have a huge break between the ceremony and reception taking pictures.. He was very stubbornly against breaking tradition of not seeing the bride before the wedding.
I mentioned to my FI that I am making a brooch bouquet for the wedding..He asked, ” Why can’t you just go with a normal bouquet..really people are going to know its not real flowers”
For new years day, my family always eats the same meal to start the day off..well I am the only one in the family who doesn’t eat the meal because I think it is nasty.
When we wre growing up, I wouldn’t eat Turkey and Dressing for Thanksgiving dinner, so my mom would always cook me a small Lasagna since I hated all the traditonal Thanksgiving dishes
Post # 6
For life in general, I’d say overall we’re both traditional, but I am much more borderline than he is. He’s much more willing to just go with the flow in order to please people, whereas I’ll fuss and would rather do something that suits me even if it bothers others. But generally I don’t diverge.
Post # 7
I am super traditional, and FI is definitely not. My mother gave me an etiquette book as an engagement gift, and my FMIL said, “don’t worry about etiquette, it doesn’t matter!” — So, it’s been interesting trying to plan.
Post # 8
We were a little bit of both. We stuck to our guns on some traditional stuff but being intrrfaith we had to be a bit untraditional too. We also added our own flair to some traditional things while we left others alone
Post # 9
Both FI-to-be and I are traditional to a point, me more so then him.
Our wedding for example, in my eyes should be as traditional as possible, where as he wants what he wants, regardless of “old rules”. We’re slowly agreeing on what traditional aspects he cannot stand and which I cannot see my wedding being without.
Post # 10
@proverbs131: For life in general I think we are both fairly traditional, more conservative etc.
There are some things that I suppose we’re both not particularly traditional on, but for the most part I’d say we’re both fairly old fashioned. I suppose a way we’re not old fashioned is that we both work and he does more household chores than I do!
Wedding-wise we seem to be fairly non-traditional, like I am picking the ring and we are going to elope vs. having that big, traditional ceremony.
I think in life we both pick and choose traditions that make sense to us vs. doing something just because it’s always been done that way… but we don’t disagree w. some traditions like a lot of people do.
Post # 11
@proverbs131: Perfect timing for me to respond to this post as we worked on one of our ceremonies last night.
I thought that we were both rather non-traditional in nature. FI never does anything just for the sake of meeting societal expectations, nor do I. Everything from our proposal to our rings has been non-traditional thus far.
However, we’re putting together our idea of a ceremony last night. It will be outdoors, in a tent if it is raining. We definitely wanted a circle as opposed to having the whole procession etc. and we definitely wanted to write our own ceremony/vows.
But, when it started to come together with somewhat of ‘a procession’ to the circle, and I started to incorporate some of the traditional “I do” vows with the things we had written, he really liked it.
In the end, he was pleased that it combined both traditional and non-traditional. I was more than a little surprised when he admitted that it made him feel ‘better’ about our ceremony. Now I’m bugging him about being a ‘closet traditionalist’ lol.
Post # 12
We’re more non-traditional, but there are a few traditional things that I value.
Post # 13
We definitely are sticking with are Christian culture but when comes to our reception we are definitely non-traditional!
Post # 14
I’m more non-traditional than FI is, but I’m not totally out there. Like, I want my girls to wear any pretty blue dress they want- doesn’t have to be the same shade or style. FI seemed shocked that I didn’t want the guys to wear tuxes. He also raised an eyebrow when I mentioned eloping and having a party sometime in the future. HE wants a wedding, so an awesome wedding we will have 🙂
Post # 15
we’re off beat for sure. My ex use to have a punk style and still has the attitude and i myself was goth, still am at heart with a bohemian/hippie style the wedding is basically reflecting us. I chose a traditional dress cus thats what I fell inlove with. my FI is going non traditional with his attire. very gothic/punk casual. IF there were to be a theme… it would be “elegant gothic victorian afternoon shindig” ..yeah.. thats what im going to call it haha everything else abotu the wedding is pretty non traditional
Post # 16
@proverbs131: we are traditional but easy going. we make decisions together really easily and he defers to me on most things. it’s been great so far.