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WOW - as in World of Warcraft!
Luckily he stopped his subscription when saving for my ring and he won't start it back up until after the wedding.
My rule (and the only way I keep my sanity) is that he ALWAYS chooses me over the stupid game and that his chores come before the game! Sometimes I feel like he gets so involved nothing else matters in life!
Being unable to plan ANYTHING!! I am a chronic "planner". I like to make plans well in advance...I like for people to be where they are supposed to be WHEN they are supposed to be.
My FI on the other hand (mostly b/c of his chosen career) is used to packing a bag and heading out on a whim. He is a workaholic to the nth degree.
It took some getting used to but his career is such a big part of who he is...I just learned to be more flexible. Now he knows when I am adamant about him attending something he knows that he needs to do everything in his power to be there.
Like JamaicaBride... my fiance fails at planning. But, I've figured it out, and I'm ok with handling plans for my own sanity! It drove me up a freaking wall for a while though.
We had some serious family drama (from his family) when we got together that was almost a deal breaker. I had known his sister for 15 years before we got together and she went nutso (not at first) and then tried to turn his Mom against me too. It got really crazy and I almost packed my bags but he chose me over them and now we are close with is Mom again. There has been much more drama from his sister with the whole family and we haven't spoken to her in years. He really saw the dysfunction in his family and chose to put us first which made me love him that much more:-)
His pessimism and cynicysm.. It drives me crazy because I am naturally a super super super positive and optimistic person (to the point where I set myself up for HUGE let downs) and some days he just really throws off my vibe and brings me WAAYY down.
How smothering his parents were, I was worried that they would be like that forever!
The distance/his deployment right at our 2.5 year mark.
I needed to *KNOW* he was in it to win it with us facing 4 years plus a deployment. I wasn't just gonna waste my sweet time on anybody "just hoping" we'd end up married at the end of it. We were dancing that line at 2.5 years of having been together awhile and knowing we still had years to go of this crap so it was like, "Okay we're serious....HOW serious..." and we had to lay it all out on the table. It was almost a dealbreaker for me because he wouldn't TELL ME how he felt and wouldn't do anything to indicate i was marriage material. If he hadn't given me the spiel he did right then and there and poured his heart out, I might've walked. No girl wants to look down the end of a 5 year+ tunnel of a long distance relationship and "just wing it". Not my style.
Man, this is a hard question so first I'm going to respond to the WoW comments... that TOTALLY was a dealbreaker for me a couple of relationships ago. I was totally neglected thanks to that game. Then I met soon to be FI and, well, nothing will ever compare.
His negativity sometimes really gets to me, like Stassney said. I'm pretty much on the up and up (til recently... I've been dealing with some anxiety issues as of late) and he's definintely not. It's been a struggle but once we get through this rough patch of grad school uncertainty, we'll be settled for at LEAST 3 years, if not 6 or 7.
We decided to "take a break" after our first year of long distance dating and we took 6 months off. We got back together & almost a year later* (edit: had to do some math lol) I found out from his sister that he dated a couple girls during that time.
It pissed me off & I wanted to dump him. It wasn't that he dated someone else, but that he didn't tell me & worse: he had made me feel sooo guilty for seeing another guy during that time. What a hypocrite! He had so many opportunities to tell me & he didn't. I had to find out from his mean sister who enjoyed every moment of my pain.
Now he's an open book... lol I keep reminding him he doesn't need to tell me everything.
When the Dude first told me he was a HUGE college football fan, I didn't know how to react. But over time I have come to share in his obsession!!
This girl he works with. Their friendship just about pulled us apart. They sit next to each other at work and he wanted to hang out with her and her boyfriend 2-3 times a week and all weekend. I was at the end of my rope because it was really obvious (not to him, but to me) that she did not like me and did not want me around. When we would hang out with them, he would always get me a drink first and sit by me and just be a nice boyfriend. And I guess she just didn't like that for whatever reason. When we were buying a house, she went NUTS about it. She criticized everything about SO and I's new house and said that she would be decorating it and stuff like that. SO and I had several fights about it and I just told him that I couldn't deal with seeing them ALL THE TIME. So as of late, we haven't seen them in about 3 months. Not complaining. :) But I definitely didn't tell him he wasn't allowed to hang out with them. I just said not all the time and not to expect me to be there all the time.
There have been a couple of things. His online contact w/ a couple of women/friends really almost did it for me. I had know about them but not the extent of the conversations. I read them one time and hit the roof. It was obvious one of them had feelings for him and flirting big time., telling him he should find a way to see her where I would not know about it. After a big fight one night he had a lot of time to think and the next day he closed that email account and hasn't had any contact with them since. Honestly, he's been a changed person since then, he's much more mushy and attentive. It's as if he was concentrating too much on having his ego boosted. Now that he realizes my opinion is the only one that matters he's relieved I suppose.
He is not a social person at all. I go out with friends usually two to three times a month, sometimes just the girls and other times w/ groups. He does not go normally. I've just learned to accept that I can ask him once and if he says "no" then I go by myself or choose not to go. Took me a while to understand this is how it was going to be though.
If J hadn't been willing to move here (to China) with me after we get married, I'm not sure our relationship could have survived. I love it here, but also, I have 2 years left on my work contract -- and I don't know if my heart could do 3 years of long distance!
not knowing how to talk things out communication problems but we have successfully worked through them.
@stassney: that's my problem as well! My bf is is the biggest pessimist, cynic, complainer I know! And I'm the complete opposite... I'm so optimistic that he says I have unrealistic expectations in life. sigh. Most of the time it isn't too bad, but when we talk about getting jobs after school, I just want to hit him because he just puts me in the worse mood. Everytime he does it, I think about whether I could live the rest of my life with someone like that, and I always decide that the times in between his pessimism trump the other times.
My FI does NOT know how to deal with anger! He gets angry, INSTANTLY blows up, and can be kind of hurtful at times. I had to make the choice if it was worth it to be with him and work with him on positive ways to handle anger, or iuf he wasn't worth that. I decided of COURSE that he was worth it and he's done so well even his family is impressed! I'm glad he also committed to working on it... it was a huge step for him.
Very early on he was getting calls from his old girlfriend from high school and college who found out he'd gotten divorced. They were friends and would talk from time to time over the years. She had married a few years ago and had a new baby when I first started dating him. Over the years they spoke and she remained a friend.
Now I myself don't have a problem with being a friend with an ex boyfriend, as long as they are respectful to me and to my relationship now. But this is a bit much.
They'd talk like every 2 weeks or something and suddenly one night she drank too much wine. She called him and (was drunk ok?) said she missed him and that she was unhappy in her marriage and that they were meant to be. That he should dump me and that she'd move down here (with her kids and new baby). Ewww gross! Then she told him she would love a weekend alone with him at a NYC hotel and a shopping spree (on his dime). Um...what about that call was even right? Her husband according to T is a nice guy and does well himself so why did she do that???
Apparently he had talked to her more after his divorce and gotten "womanly advice" on how to be single and what to do as he had no clue. She had another idea apparently as what he should have done! She had something possibly else in mind and it'd been in her head for well..over 15 years. Scary.
I told him that very day it was me or her, even though he never saw her as anything but a friend. And even though she pretended the next day to not remember her crazy call, I said he could either talk long distance to a crazy woman pretending to be his friend, or he could have me.
She still has tried to call him and he's blown her off 100 percent. Not even as a friend will he talk to her anymore.
That was almost a deal breaker as I won't tolerate cheating or anything like that. Poor T thought she was his friend all those years when she was imho secretly scheming to see if he'd ever be single again. Darn girl waited a long while didn't she? 15 freakin' years.
Ummm well right away it was that he lied to me about his ex. Not when they broke up, but the seriousness of his relationship to her (namely, that he had been engaged to her less than 3 mo before we started dating). He said he thought it would scare me away. I blew up a bit about the lie, and (as far as I know) he has not lied since.
Later it was money. He was baaaad with it. A spender. I am a saver... but he's really really grown up and gotten better about money and is now totally responsible.
Maybe you can't change a guy... but you certainly can let them know your expectations and wait to see if they change themselves :)
his mother. he would do anything she told him to. ugghhh...thak god he learned how to stand up for himself and me.
is it bad if I say there were more than 1, but in the end it was totally worth it! I think you will always have something to struggle w/
that being said...my last serious BF was a gamer, and it became a major issue w/ us, and I still think it was one of the undercurrents (tho not obvious) of why we broke up It was a huge part of his life, and I NEVER wanted to play the games. It wasn't good enough for him that I didn't try to stop him...he wanted me to join in and couldn't accept that I hated them.
This is still an issue for me, but now that Mr. Dizzy is starting to see it, it's not so much of a big issue.
His uncle is 47, and married a woman who just turned 32. I don't have a problem with that (Mr. Dizzy and I are 10 years apart). However, his aunt and Mr. Dizzy are the same age. She always complains to me about her hubby (even though I have witnessed him treating her like a princess...she'll say, "my feet are cold" and he'll go get sock and put them on her freaking feet for her!). Then, she'll get really interested in whatever Mr. Dizzy is doing (he's really into Victorian cemetery sculptures). So she'll go to cemeteries and take pictures and try to make herself a part of what he's doing. Regardless of the fact that I'm the one who makes sure he gets to wherever it is that he wants to go.
She wanted to come out here and plan a weekend with just herself and Mr. Dizzy so they could go to this little town and visit all the old cemeteries. Seriously? I just about blew my lid. She calls him EVERY NIGHT during snuggle time "just to talk," and then keep him on the phone for at least an hour and a half; usually I've fallen asleep by the time he gets off the phone with her. This is his AUNT!!!!
I've told him that I think she's in love with him. He didn't believe me. Until this past week, he told her that he was going to send his brother money for something. And she freaked out and told him how irresponsible he was and blah blah blah. He and I had talked about it, and I was cool with it. But she was not. She called him up and basically said that she had to approve every. single. item. that he purchased. She wanted to have access to HIS [not our]. And then she started crying.
And now he believes me. She's super obsessed with him, it's kinda creepy.
@Future Mrs. Martin - Same here! My FI went through a period where he was a little too into WOW for my tastes - it felt like nothing else mattered to him! But we talked about it (several times) and he's gotten so much better.
I'm with Future Mrs. Martin and Amanda.lynn on this one. lol. There was a point where FI would turn down going on dates with me because it was raid night. wth? haha. We had several fights about it, but now he's much better about it, and doesn't come to bed *As* late as he was.
@his barista - um yeah, Tuesday nights are still off-limits for me because it's his raid night. We've kind of come to the agreement that he can do that once a week and I won't complain at all - he can stay on as long as he wants. But other nights, he has to limit it!!
This is going to sound bad, but FH's pet allergies were almost a deal breaker.
I am a huge animal lover, I cannot ever see my life without dogs and cats in my home. When we first started dating, I had been on a wait list for a Newfoundland puppy for almost 2 years. We made it official, and then that week I got the news that my puppy was born and I finally was going to have my big fluffy Newfie - FH said he wasn't sure if it was a "good idea" because of his allergies - I made it clear that I had waited for years for this puppy, and it was coming and staying, and that he would have to deal with it if he wanted to be with me.
We found him a good allergist/immunologist.
Yeah I hear you on the WOW, before WOW it was Everquest. He would blow me off ALL weekend, b/c they had 3 day raids! And he was in a guild that raiding was mandatory 5 nights out of the week!?!? Seriously?? He is ALOT better now, Magic is only 3 nights out of the week. But there are sometimes when people ask me about where he is, and I cringe when I say Magic.
lol
All these complaints about WoW blow me away.. lol
My fiance works for the company and plays.. I feel like if I can handle that (which is hard sometimes) that it isnt a huge deal..
But of course this is coming from someone who also has a WoW account and will play whenever I get the little itch for it.
How he always takes his mom side, how he thinks his mom is alwyas right and how much he relies on his mom for practically everything. It was hard but now that I took a job a few states away, it made him and I closer because we are now on our own. He is a bit more independent but planning this wedding and the FMIL and I getting into some arguments about what "she expects" is hard. I feel bad doing this, but I had to cut her off from any wedding plans.
My FI refuses to plan ANYTHING. He's such a fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants guy. I, on the other hand, am Type-A, list-making, at times obsessive planner. Maybe that's why we get along?
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So to piggyback off of Mr.Bee and Redherring. Their posts made me think of the thing that almost sent Mr. Holiday packing when I found out/he started up.
For me it was he started playing Magic, The Gathering. I'm still having a hard time with it at times. When I met him he was into the same things I was, then he morphed into this HUGE gamer and there are some days where I just get fed up with it.
What was yours? Or am I the only one?