What was your families reaction to eloping or having an intimate wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Elopement
  • poll:
    They didn't like the idea, thought we were being irrational. (explain) : (10 votes)
    32 %
    They thought it was great and were all for it : (14 votes)
    45 %
    They didn't like the idea at first but gradually accepted it : (7 votes)
    23 %
  • Post # 3
    4893 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We eloped – just the two of us. They were shocked, but happy once the shock wore off. 🙂 We did have a photog there, so the family got to see it in pictures.

    Post # 4
    162 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    We initially wanted a small small wedding, however, FI’s mom kind of put the hammer down and wanted all extended family invited and made a big deal about it. Our wedding is now at 200, sigh. FI’s family, aunts, uncles and cousins, well there’s a lot of them. So even though we have 200, it really is just aunts uncles cousins grandparents plus a few close friends.

    Post # 5
    629 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We didn’t elope or have a small wedding, but my parents encouraged it. My dad even offered to pay me $20,000 to elope. Now that it’s all said and done, I’m not sure if I wish I would have done it. Part of me thinks back to how much fun my wedding was and spending it with all my friends and family, but on the other hand I think how that money could be a huge jumpstart in buying our first home.

    Post # 6
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2014 - Mauritius

    @katiecat08: it’s bittersweet for me, my family think thought it was a great idea, his family still arent talking to us! We’re very happy with the decision we have made and wouldn’t have it any other way. The other stuff will be ok eventually, I think shock perhaps makes people’s reactions a little harsh at first.  

    Post # 7
    182 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    Initially everyone was on board with our intimate wedding. Now that we are actually getting ready to send out STDs and what not some of the family is starting to realize how cuts are being made and they aren’t happy.

    Post # 8
    3202 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    I voted “They thought it was great,” but that’s a bit of an overstatement. I had a few people protest (we did immediate family and grandparents only), but overall people were very supportive. I think it helped that we had a date for our big casual reception from the beginning (a week after the wedding, but I think any set date would have been fine).

    Post # 9
    6073 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    @katiecat08:  That wedding package at the B&B sounds lovely!  I wish weddings were affairs like that still today.

    My dad has always encouraged eloping.  Not so he can get out of paying for a wedding – because he would not do that.  He had always said that weddings were a pain in the ass for all involved.  Period!  I quite enjoyed them as a kid though (dancing and running around with cousins).  Dad still thought it was all a PITA.


    So I’ve eloped twice.  I’ve never had a guested wedding.  My family was not upset with either time. 

    In fact the first time, my dad said I had such a good head on my shoulders he did not question my decision once.  To top it off, they had never even met the guy after 2.5 years of dating!  I am a very smart and logical person, but I still made a very bad choice of marriage partner.


    Then we eloped with my second marriage, and made it a true vacation and honeymoon all in one.  There were so many logistics with getting our families to come to our state for a wedding that it was more hassle then it was worth – but even more on top of that they really did not seem like they wanted to be there!  Eloping just seemed like the best thing to do.  I think they were expecting us to elope and probably very thankful that we did.  Then they were off the hook for travelling.  That is my impression.


    Their lack of excitment/enthusasim kind of hurts me (this goes for both marriages), but over all I’d say they were all for the elopement concept.

    Post # 10
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    My parents stopped talking to us when we eloped. They were that upset.

    I hope our vow renewal helps them feel better.

    Post # 11
    143 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    The wedding package sounds lovely!

    How it is taken depends on your family. We’re having fewer than 10 people. My Mum would never have forgiven us if we’d got married without her there! Having such a small guestlist has made everything easy though – basically it’s parents, siblings and two very close friends. No no worrying over inviting one cousin but not an aunt etc…

    Post # 12
    3195 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I love the wedding package. Sounds wonderful!

    Post # 13
    1305 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Wow, that wedding package sounds really nice.

    Our parents tried to convince us to invite more people but were very understanding when we 100% decided that we weren’t. They were sure that it wouldn’t be “enough of a party” with only 25 people there and that we would regret it later.
    It turned out great and exactly how we wanted it. We did hear about a few people who weren’t invited and got annoyed about it, but nothing serious.

    Post # 14
    348 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    That wedding package sounds perfect 🙂

    We had an intimate wedding of 26 guests.  We only invited immediate family (+only surviving grandparent) — no aunts, uncles or cousins.  Lucky for us we had small families anyway, so “immediate family” for both hubby and I was 8 people total.  The rest were our closets friends and their significant others.

    All of our parents were on board with the idea of our small wedding.  However, come invitation time, they all asked “if we could just invite their old friend so-and-so” too.  While these were small # requests, we explained that our #1 priority was that we were only with those who we had a close connection with on our wedding day, and therefore would not be inviting to people-please.  They understood, and it was dropped and never brought up again.

    I guess it all depends on what your relationship is like with your parents.  Some parents are controlling and so wrapped up in their own expectations for their kids’ weddings that they can’t handle any variation from their vision.  Others will support whatever makes their kid happy. And theres 100 shades of gray in between those two extremes.  I think if you approach them excited about your idea, focusing on the positive and how (and why) it’s what you want, that’s the best you can do. I feel so sorry for those whose parents reject them over a wedding.

    You will not regret an intimate wedding. And if you catch any flack from your Aunt Maggie about how she can’t believe you wouldn’t invite her after she invited you to your cousin’s wedding last year, then OH WELL.  Sorry Aunt Maggie.

    Post # 16
    428 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    These responses have been interesting! FI and I are planning on eloping (just us, our friend who is an ordained minister, photographer,  and one friend/witness each will be there), and I’m not sure how we’ll break it to our families or how they’ll react. We’ll cross that bridge when we get there, I guess. 

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