What we think vs what they think?

posted 2 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
326 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - State Park

I was one of the girls on here who really disliked the quality of her original ER. I was ferried to bring it up with FI thinking that he would be beyond hurt and disappointed, after all he was so proud of his purchase. 

But when I brought it up it was the complete opposite response. He admitted he knew nothing about diamonds and rings. He wanted me to have something I would love forever and want to wear. So we returned it and my new ring arrived this past week. 

I think in general girls tend to be much more emotional and sentimental. And I think we get our feelings hurt much easier. 

For any bride that doesn’t like her engagement ring, bring it up to him. Albeit gently. Don’t expect him to pay more than your current ring, but see if for the same price you can make some changes and some compromises to get something you will love. 

Post # 3
Member
2927 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Hurm this is a tricky one. I have changed my set three times and now suddenly my DH is attached to my current set, luckily so am I….although I now know I can never ever change it ever again. 

Post # 6
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

I just asked my FI what he would think since he picked out my ring all on his own.

He said he would probably SAY that he understood and just wants me to be happy, but that he would probably feel disappointed like he had somehow failed in his one job. Which is what I kind of expected he’d say

I think all guys are different and you really need to know your FI before bringing something like that up. I don’t really like the assumption that guys are guys and don’t care and won’t be upset about something like that, because it’s simply not true

Post # 7
Member
2927 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Sporty-Bee: Back when we were first talking about getting engaged I told him I simply could not find what I was looking for. He could not afford much at the time and so designing one was out of the question. So I picked something that was kind of similar to what I was looking for until we could upgrade. For our anniversary, I brought upgrading up and after talking to him about it, I found out that he really did not like the round diamonds first ring had anyway. He likes princess cut. 

Post # 9
Member
2311 posts
Buzzing bee

Sporty-Bee:  I don’t think that men are inherently practical and women inherently emotional/sentimental. Practicality is a personality trait and varies person to person, sex has nothing to do with it. There are just as many sentimental men as there are women out there. You run the risk of hurting the givers feelings when you find fault with the gift. 

Overall I believe in fostering an attitude of gratitude. I think some of the threads out there where a person comes on and complains about their ering quality/size come off as ungrateful/shallow/intitled and out of touch with the rest of reality b/c it isn’t usually just a case of “I don’t like the style”. It’s all too often also “He didn’t spend enough on me, it’s too small”. I can see why those threads get heated and why many people are annoyed by them and voice it. Whether or not it’s deemed ungrateful is all in the poster’s delivery though. If they come off like an indignant child and there’s 10 pages worth of other people who are picking up on it, it’s likely not a conicidence. There are many ungrateful people out there (many who even openly admit it!) and it’s a terribly unattractive quality that a person should seek to change in themselves if you ask me.  

Post # 11
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

At first I loved my first engagement ring, but my FI said he was afraid to give it to me because he didn’t love how it came out (and he didn’t have time to get a different one, he traveled to propose to me and the ring came in right before he left, he bought it online) but I insisted it was perfect and that we should keep it.  After wearing it for a few months it began having issues, so we both agreed to upgrade.  I’m pretty sure I could change my mind every month (as long as it wasn’t financially a problem) and he’d have no issue with it, they’re just rings :-).  

Post # 12
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

Sporty-Bee:  To be fair, my FI has said previously that down the road we could upgrade my ring if I wanted. But that was something he put out there as an option (which I probably wouldn’t do because I am very sentimental) and not me prompting, and I feel that makes a difference? Like some part of him believes I want a bigger stone or a blingier band or whatever, and he’s accepting of that as a down the road anniversary gift, but if I said I didn’t like it or wanted something different that would disappoint him.

So it’s not like he’s emotionally attached to the ring, but he does have feelings about my feelings toward his decision making?

Post # 13
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I just asked FI and he said as long as I wasn’t a bitch about it and didn’t go overboard on price he would be all for helping me find a new ring that I love.  However, I’m so in love with my ring I could never trade it in. Also he put a lot of thought into which ring he thought I would love so I feel attachment to it in the aspect that it is something he picked just for me.  But it is nice to know that he would want me to have something I loved even if it wasn’t what he orignally bought. 

I think that the big issue I see around the posts that want to change rings is the fact that most bees are afraid to bring it up.  Yeah it would be a hard conversation to have but I’m firm believer that if you are going to spend the rest of your life with someone you should be able to talk to them about everything and should be able to let your emotions out.  I’ve found a few topics hard to bring with FI but in the end I always I do because if I can’t talk to him about something, then who can I talk to?

Post # 15
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Sporty-Bee: my FI says that i can only change my ring if the cost doesn’t materially change our financial position. In other words, I can only exchange it for something of a similar value. That said, he did pick out a ring intended to be a forever ring. 

If money had been tight, he said that he would have gotten me a vintage ring until we were more financially secure, with the intention of upgrading.  made sense to me. 

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