Weddingbee boards

One argument I have never understood personally is "but no one will know who the bride is!" if she refuses to wear white or if the couple doesn't have introductions at the reception (with the same people in attendance at the ceremony) or whatever the case may be where they choose to stray from tradition. The people up front saying vows are pretty hard to miss and if they don't know the couple, they shouldn't have been invited.

Following that vein, the guests not knowing who the couple is. Guests should be your nearest and dearest whom you can't imagine the day without. Not everyone wants or can afford to have random strangers in attendance.

Guests requiring dates in order to be able to enjoy themselves. Unless the couple is the only people that a guest knows, surely there will be at least one other person, if not more, that the guest knows and can socialize with.

I'm sure there are others that escape me at the moment. What things have you come across that you don't understand the logic of?

The tradition of the bride's family stems from the days when marriages were nothing more than business contracts. Yes the groom got married too but that wasn't how the business aspect of it worked. Like many traditions from that time frame, it hasn't disappeared like it should. But yes, if you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to pay for it yourselves. Parents should not use that as a means to control the planning aspects. They already got married themselves so let the couple do their own thing since you only get one chance at it.

1. MOHs. I have my brothers and sister-in-law (brother's wife) standing up for me, and my FMIL keeps asking me who my MOH is. I tell her "I don't have one. All three are equal". She keeps INSISTING that I need to have a MOH, but when I ask why, she can't come up with any other reason than it's a "tradition". Um.... I'm having 2 guys standing up for me, I think tradition is out the window at this point.

2. To continue on this point: Having all female BM and all male GM. Unless the closest people to you are actually all the same sex, I don't understand why you have to un-include your oposite sex friends/family from your bridal party just because they don't wear a dress. Never made ANY sense to me.

3. Having everyone buy the same outfit. The only reason people can give me for this is that it will look better in the pictures. My opinion is that if someone gets to choose their own outfit, they will probably feel better in it and therefore look better in the pictures. Plus, they'll probably actually wear it again, which is a plus for everyone!

4. Addressing envelopes "Mr. and Mrs. Husband's Full Name". I just can't get over the fact that the woman in the relationship doesn't even get her name on the invite. Once again, I was told this was the "traditional way to address an envelope". We compromised on "Husband First and Wife First Last Name"

I have about 100 more. We're having a fairly unconventional wedding because a lot of wedding-related things make no sense to me...

The supersticious tradtions, especially the bouquet toss and (Yuck!) sleeping with a piece of the wedding cake under you pillow.

@Chipmunk: Yes, if a single person does that, they supposedly dream of their future spouse.  (And then have time the next day to think about the dream while washing their sheets.)

There are quite a few things!

I don't understand why brides get so bent if another person they know or are related to gets engaged/has a wedding around the same time as theirs. Every wedding is unique and nobody owns their dates/venue/guest list.

I will never understand why people let others tell them what to do, what to wear, or who to invite. If you don't like the dress, don't buy it just because Mom likes it. If you don't want children at your wedding, don't have them. It is not for other people to say that weddings are about family, or you should have a white dress. Do your wedding as YOU want it. Your wedding is about you and your husband to be. I cannot believe how many times I have read that someone wrote kids names into an invite. That is just plain rude and ignorant.

I don't understand in this day and age why anyone would expect their parents to pay for their wedding. That tradition came about long ago, before women worked.
 Parents not only paid but women came into the marriage knowing their husbands had been paid to take them. I think it is great for parents to help out if they want to and can, but to expect it?

I don't understand why women "hint" at engagements or other things with men, then get mad when men don't get it. Well, men usually DON'T get hints, and honestly, do you want to spend your life with poor communication in your relationship? If you want something, ask for it- no whining or yelling, how about a conversation?

Finally, I absolutely DESPISE it when men say "the wife". I didn't realize getting married made you an object, with no name. I have always hated this, it makes me nuts.

Oh yes, and I personally really don't like paper bells, doves, and any other "traditional" decoration, but see number 2- do/have the things they way you want!

LOL- I think I have PMS today!

Like the others I don't understand "waiting." But I guess from some of the replies, I didn't "wait" long enough to know. I guess I just never considered 4 years of being together before proposal as "waiting." I connote "waiting" with boredom and the last 4 years have been far from boring.

On the topic of waiting and proposing, this is this 21st century so it's ok for the woman to propose and alot of them do. Years ago, it might have been the guy's job but it's not true today. Also, it's hypocritical when you talk about wanting to have equal rights and opportunities but then say it's the guy's responsibility. No it isn't. It doesn't make the guy less manly. To each their own.

Brides who say that their wedding went by like a blur and they wish it lasted longer than it did. But when the topic of having a longer reception is brought up, they say that it is only supposed to last a certain number of hours because anything else is too long. You can't have both. But an after party (which is the same thing at a different location but not everyone wants to pack up to go elsewhere when they are already enjoying themselves) on the guest's dime is the only acceptable alternative to longer hours at a single venue.

The idea that if you don't have alcohol, (even if you and your families/friends don't drink) your wedding will be the disaster of the century because folks will be bored out of their minds and not dance or mingle. On the same topic, if you do have alcohol that you must serve beer and wine only, even if you know your guests won't drink a single drop of it because other alcohol types have no place at a wedding. Also the concept that champagne toasts are a "must and people can't toast with anything else because they'll look out of place", despite the fact that tons of folks don't like champagne and most of it goes to waste. Let the couple decide what to serve and what not to since they know their guests and what they will drink and what they won't.

I'll start with the caveat that everyone should do what they WANT at THEIR wedding & the things I/we don't get are things I/we DIDN'T want at ours (I've included some of Mr.'s "Don't gets" as well):

• Why white is restricted to the bride...and why people can't wear black to a wedding.  Black & White are such elegant colors that EVERYONE looks good in & nearly everyone has a wedding appropriate outfit in. 
• Why people want to get married/feel the need to get married in the Catholic Church & then complain about all the "rules" that don't make sense to them...here's a tip: DON'T get married in the Church.
• Why receptions "have to be" in the afternoon or evening...what if you like the day time? What if you don't want your guests to have to wait 3 hours between the time allotted by the church & the time people expect to be served dinner?
• Why do you need formal portraits of the bride in fake poses?  Trust me, there will be plenty of pictures of the bride when she is smiling genuinely, why torture her (and her waiting guests) for hours of posed pictures?
• Why do invites "require" so much paper? Outer envelopes, inner envelopes, invite, inserts, RSVP cards...it's seems so wasteful, especially when you can go green by having guests RSVP online.  I grant you, it's always good to keep the "older generation" in mind, but surely your parents/grandparents have a tech savvy relative (like yourself) who can help them out?
• What's with all the pre-parties?  I mean, Mr. & I like to celebrate along with the rest, but does one really "need" an engagement party, bridal shower, bachelor/bachelorette party, Jack-n-Jill party, AND rehearsal dinner?  Seems like at least a few of those could be done without.
• Shouldn't bachelor/bachelorette parties be about what the groom/bride LIKES to do?  What if the groom doesn't drink?  What if the bride isn't into male strippers or club hopping or sexy lingerie? 
• And on that note...what's the point of the bachelor/bachelorette party?  Is the groom/bride sad to be saying good-bye to his/her single days...why get married, then?
• Must the groom wear a tux or a suit?  If one is getting married in the summer heat, why should he (& his groomsmen or women) suffer?
• On that note...why must bridesmaids hair all be the same?  The groomsmen don't have the same cut or facial hair...why must the bridesmaids?
• Why should it be just dad walking the bride down the aisle?  And on that note, why can't bridesmaids & groomsmen enter together as well as recess together?
• Does the bride REALLY need a bouquet? Or flowers of any kind?
• Again, on that note, what's with the bouquet toss? And the garter toss?  Do many brides still wear garters for functional reasons?
• What's with the "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue"? 

Again, please understand, if any of the above traditions are important to you, know that I am not questioning your actions or desires...just questioning the people who told me "You must/can't do that!  It's a tradition!"

ETA: THANK YOU to the OP for posting this...I had no idea I was holding that all in!  This was a great way to vent in a non-confrontational way against all those naysayers who questioned our wedding choices.  Thanks!

Boutonnieres. I find boutonnieres completely nonsensical. I told the florist that I really wanted to cut them completely, and she told me that no one will know who the groomsmen are without them. Uh, really? Because I bet they'll be pretty recognizable by the fact that they'll all be in the same outfit. And they'll be standing at the front of the church. And they'll be introduced in a big fancy way at the reception. And they're my fiance's best friends. So. (My mom sided with the florist and made me get them strictly because it's really important to my grandfather that he has a boutonniere. I countered that my grandfather is not paying for this wedding, but I lost. Not a battle worth fighting.)

@veganglam: My mother...and my stylist, who also happens to be my cousin/big sister.  They didn't "demand" per se, more gave me the "look" (I'm rather well known to be "non-traditional" in our family) & kept bringing it up.  In the end, I went with styles that were easy (for my stylist's sake) & that both my MOH & BM agreed with.  Luckily, they both liked the same one...