What were the MOST and LEAST apreciated things your birthpartner did?

posted 2 weeks ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017


skunktastic :  

Awwwww bee that has to be sooooo hard 🙁 🙁 hoping he gets better soon and can go home with you.


Also, we were not expecting the leg holding thing either, my fiance just rolled with it too haha

Post # 18
445 posts
Helper bee

Sansa85 :  leg holding is a thing?? Can you specifically request that dh DOESN’T hold a leg or go anywhere near the business end? 

I really don’t want him helping like that and I don’t think he’s want to either…. Eeeek!!

Post # 19
5105 posts
Bee Keeper

HappyCatLady :  in my hospital when you labor you can’t eat in case of an emergency c.  My first labor was about 10 hours long and I ate before I went in (water broke), but 10 hours later I was mighty hungry!

Post # 20
1483 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

pond :  

I’m not sure, you can probably ask the hospital where you are delivering. I’m sure their goal is to keep you as comfortable as possible, so you would think if you didn’t want him to hold a leg, it wouldn’t be an issue

Post # 21
7168 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 3 kids and frankly, I don’t understand this whole “birthpartner” thing. I mean, yes- my husband was there. But honestly I just wanted to be left alone and do my thing. Don’t touch me, don’t talk to me. Let me deal with the contractions without distraction! But I’m sure it’s just me!

Post # 22
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Best:  Pretty much everything.  He stayed awake for 40+ hours to be there for me and our daughter every minute we needed him.  My labor was basically 24 hours, then I had to have surgery to remove my retained placenta.  He did everything I asked while I was in labor.  He sat behind me with his arms around me while I was chilled and shaking.  He talked to the medical staff for me and asked all the right questions when I was in too much pain.  He made me laugh in between pushes when I said that, after we had meconium in my amniotic fluid and I pooped during pushing, that he was the only one in our little family who hadn’t sh*t himself that day, and he said “at least not yet.”  He took photos of our daughter after she was born.  He took care of her by himself when I was in surgery and recovery.  He was a pillar of strength despite so many things going wrong.  He also got me a turkey sub afterward which was amazing.

Worst:  We didn’t want visitors at the hospital until after baby was born, so we had sort of kept our parents out of the loop.  He texted my mom while I was in surgery, to say the baby was born.  Except he phrased it in a way that made her think I was dying or something, and caused her to freak out.  I think it was because he was exhausted and scared, so I don’t blame him.  But I wish he had just said “it’s a girl!” or something so she could have enjoyed that moment.

Post # 23
9072 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

pond :  yeah with both of mine they asked my DH to hold a leg at times.  You usually only have one nurse so it makes it easier for one to take each leg.  It kind of depends on how pushing is going.  You don’t necessarily need someone to hold your legs.  You can hold your own legs or sometimes the nurse will use a towel for you to pull on or have you grip the handle bar things.  The nurse will try to help you find the most effective way. I mean, if he or you refuse, they obviously aren’t going to make you.  But it’s definitely a thing.

Post # 24
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Most helpful- just being on my team. I desperately wanted a med-free birth and the best thing DH did was tell me no when I broke down and said I wanted an epidural. He told me he believed in me and that was enough to help me power through. He also walked the halls with me and rubbed my back throughout my whole 22 hour labor, on his birthday no less. He brought me juice and water and just took my lead/ read my mind when I needed support and wanted to be alone. He did WAY better as a birth partner than I expected. Other little things- he read the instructions  I gave him and took photos and texted those that I asked him to (again, I wrote out instructions because I didn’t know how he’d do…) The photos he took are my favorites ever.

Least appreciated- complained after she was born how tired he was. Granted, he was awake the same amount of time I was, but I just really didn’t need to hear that after all the hard work. He also kinda forgot I needed to eat and I had to specifically ask him to get me something to eat when he went home the next day to shower. Not too bad!

Post # 25
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Most appreciated:  Rubbed my back, brought me ice chips, was generally just my rock during labor.  He was really wonderful as I recovered from my c-section as well!  He changed more diapers than I did in those first few weeks!

I don’t think there was anything that he did that I didn’t appreciate…sometimes he could be a little over attentive…asking a lot what I needed, etc.  And sometimes I just didn’t know what I wanted or needed!  But that was such a small thing…I mean, if he didn’t ask how would he know?  So I wouldn’t count that as something I didn’t appreciate.

Post # 26
1545 posts
Bumble bee

Least: Sighing that he was too to get up at times (I had a C-Section plus cyst removal so I could barely move at first)

Most: Updating family, taking pictures of our little one to show me during surgery as DS was brought aside for assistance, buying me food, helping me get dressed and put my shoes on and off, so, so much more…

Post # 27
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Best: keeping me calm-ish and focused. He knew when it was time to get the epidural instead of keeping on going without. 

Worst: nothing much really. He kept trying to use soothing  techniques on me that were just annoying. But he meant well so I can’t really complain. 

Post # 28
1039 posts
Bumble bee

Best:  Took lots of great photos and made sure I got an epidural right away when we arrived (I was almost fully dilated when we arrived so things were moving fast with my labor and this was key!)

Worst:  I had to walk (a long distance) in from the parking ramp with very active contractions because he didn’t drop me at the door, nor did he go get help or even a wheelchair for me while I was on the floor every 2 seconds during the walk.  He wasn’t sympathetic to my pain at all.  He went to sleep right after I got the epidural so I was basically by myself until I woke him up when I started to push.  He didn’t seem very excited or attentive during labor or even after the baby came…didn’t stand by my head and coach me – just stood off to the side alone.  Didn’t even kiss me when the baby arrived!  He didn’t bring flowers or anything special for me later that day – just watched a TV show on his laptop ( the show was “it’s always sunny in philadelphia” too –so it has tons of yelling and is not soothing when you’ve been awake all night) and basically ignored both me and the baby the day of his birth.  That night, I was up all night in the hospital trying to figure out how to breast feed and totally exuasted (night #2 with no sleep) while he — you guessed it! — slept all night on the fold out.  Basically, he just showed no excitment and there was just no pampering or even attention paid to me or the baby at all … and 3years later (to the day!) I’m still bitter about it.

However, giving birth to my son was still the happiest day of my life:)

Post # 29
533 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Best:  He was my human stress ball.  After the birth class with the 800 different massage/positioning techniques, I found that I didn’t want to use any of them.  What worked best for me for pain management before I got my epidural was to squeeze something.  And I think DH felt good to be involved when I used him.  🙂

Worst: TALKING.  Right away, through every contraction, my husband would say things like, “breathe, you’re doing great, just remember to breathe”, over and over and over and over.  It was driving me crazy.  I had to tell him to stop talking several times, but he still wasn’t getting it.  So eventually I had to say “Seriously.  SHUT UP.”  And I am typically a very polite, mild-mannered person, so this was very out of character for me.  But he got it.  🙂

Post # 30
4958 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

HappyCatLady :  I’m so very sorry for your little one 🙁 that must be the worst feeling in the world. As for DH seing unpleasant things, I’m debating whether its “just fair” since I have to actually experience unpleasant things, or if he would somehow suffer worse from it than I (or worse than I could imagine). Have you talked about it since? 

We came home a few days ago.. still a little jaundiced but doing great otherwise. I’m just grateful it was nothing worse!  And to sleep in my own bed.  Regarding what my husband saw, he just jokes about it “what has been seen can never be unseen.”  He takes it in stride when I whine about how my crotch feels (minor tearing, first stitches of my life) and encourages me to get outside, etc.  We’ll see if it really had an impact when sex is back on the table wink  I anticipate joking about it but no actual problems.

Kayla0416 :  lol, I remember the book I bought said husband should imitate his wife — if she is quiet, he needs to be quiet, for example.  I told my husband I’d kill him if he started patronizing me with all that nonsense about how great I was doing.  Bad enough the nurses/midwives were doing it.

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