Post # 1
A friend was texting me today telling me about the silly B.S a guy shes sort of dating is putting her through. You know, one of those things where she doesnt know ‘what they are’, doesnt know if they’re exclusive or not, one day he’s infatuated with her and then ignores her for a few days…she wanted me to help decode all this shiz and figure out what he really wants. You know what I told her? There’s no need to decode anything or agonize over this dude. Someone who plays games like that isnt readyfor a relationship and has a lot of growing up to do. I dont think she’ll listen, but I gave her honest advice and I’ll be there for her if he breaks her heart.
Most, if not nearly all of us on this board including myself are in long term, stable relationships/marriages. But what about before you found your true love? What levels of dating hell did you go through? What man made your head spin?
When I was 18, I started…”dating” (I still dont know wtf was happening) my cousins best friend. He was an EMT, quiet and reserved with a little bit of a bad boy thing (loved skateboarding, BMX, and metal music) going on beneath the surface. He met my dad, took me out on all sorts of dates, gave me flowers several times, set up romantic things, even took me to meet his ailing grandmother in the nursing home. I attempted to have the ‘what are we??’ Conversation several times but got nowhere and would result in him ignoring all sorts of communication with me for a few days, which would turn me into a weepy pathetic mess begging for him to come back to me and apologizing profusely for ‘scaring him off’ (ughhh I hate myself for acting like that). After one ofthese episodes, things went back to being good andenjoying our time together for a solid two weeks. Then, out of nowhere, he started ignoring me again. I groveled, begged, pleaded, obsessively texted and called. He reached out finally after a week saying he was “moving on” from me because HE WAS AFRAID I WAS “CATCHING FEELINGS”. Grrr, he makes me mad just thinking about that day. I was like…dude…you brought me to meet your grandma and called me ‘babe’ and brought me roses…and I turned you off because I started to like you?!?!
I looked him up on Facebook out of curiousity recently and it looks like hes still never managed to commit to a real relationship (its been a little over 4 years) and moved to the other side of the US.
So have at it Bees…who was the biggest douchenozzle you ever wasted time on and wheres he at in life now?
Post # 2
Don’t know if it’s considered a mind game or not, but I was with my ex for 6 years and then he was accused of something illegal and he denied it to me tooth and nail for about 6 months. When he was accused, a lot of other skeletons came out of the closet but we decided to try and make it work because I believed that he was falsely accused and we could work through all the other crap. Well lo and behold, he finally came clean and told me that he was guilty of what he was accused of. I ended it immediately. I definitely felt like he had been playing me the whole time of our relationship.
Post # 3
ChicoryCreek: I remember this type of guy. Fucking hated them. One ass I dated called me his girlfriend, wrote me sweet emails, whole nine yards. Then one day, my girlfriend said, “Devon just texted me. I thought you should know that he’s in a hotel room with a bunch of girls. He said he really likes you but he’s having too much fun.” WTF!!?? Yeah, that was over real fast.
Post # 4
Dated me for 9 months in college while he was secretly engaged to a girl back home.
Post # 5
NowMrsS: ugh, isnt it amazing how naive we can be for someone we love?
Post # 6
i absolutely, 100% agree with you and i have said this numerous times to people. when a guy is into you, you will know. there will be no questions to ask and no one (especially him) are playing any games.
my now DH called me when he said he would and was very straight forward about everything.
2 guys before meeting DH, i was a bootycall and didn’t even realize until after a handful of non-date dates. he wouldn’t talk on the phone, only text. and would ask me to hang out on friday night, sometimes on friday afternoon. though i was sad since i thought i liked him, i needed to end it and did. i ran into him at a wedding i was at this summer. but hadn’t seen him in 3-4 years.
Post # 7
My husband played a lot of mind games with me when we were dating.
He would leave me one day and want to get back together the next. I kept getting drawn back into it because of how sweet he was when we were together.
It stopped when I finally told him to fuck off and never call me again. I learned to love myself more. He called me several times after that conversation but I held my ground. Finally, a few months later we had a long conversation and he persuaded me to give it another go.
We moved in together one month after that and we were engaged within two months. I don’t regret standing up for myself or getting back with my husband for the last time.
Post # 8
ChicoryCreek: I had met & hit it off with someone while I was on a trip and he was on a cross country road trip. We agreed to meet up when I’d be back in that city 2 weeks after we met for an event.
He asked me to buy him a ticket, even though he was halfway across the country, telling me that he’d see me there all up until the day before when he let me know he wouldn’t be flying back for the event and I’d have to find someone to buy the ticket I bought for him, at his request.
I kinda wrote him off after that, but we kept in touch, and then he asked if he could come and visit me in my homecity because he really missed me. I let him know that there was going to be a big event going on soon, and he set off to drive 1600 miles to visit me.
Well, the whole time, he complained that it was so far for him to drive to see me. Umm, it was his idea.
Then once he got here, he kept going hot and cold wanting to act like a couple and then if I didn’t just shower him with affection and admiration every second, he would tell me that he didn’t think it was worth it for him to come visit me. Every day he would say something like, “why did I even come and visit you, it’s not worth it” because I had to work during the day or because I questioned some of his ideas that he willingly shared with me and I thought he was wanting to bounce ideas off of me rather than just have me affirm what he thought. Seriously.
Within a week, I kicked him out and told him to go on his merry way if he didn’t think visiting me was worth it.
He stayed in a city 3 hours away for about 3 weeks texting me all the time to test and see if I’d invite him back. Nope. So glad I didn’t let him stay in my life.
Post # 9
I have an embarassing number of stories, unfortunately. Top two –
One person that I tried to date, I went on a few Friday and Saturday night dates with over the course of 3-4 months. One weekend he suggested we meet some of his friends at a country cabin for the day. In the car, on the way there, he told me that these people knew his ex-GF and asked if we could pretend like we weren’t dating because he didn’t want to upset his ex-GF. The embarassing part is that I didn’t end whatever this was then and there, I let it continue until he ended it a few weeks later.
Another person that I tried to date kept sending me mixed signals. I would hear loud and clear that he wasn’t interested, but then he would do or say something to indicate that he was interested. He just wanted to avoid confrontation. The embarassing part is that I let things go on like this until he clearly ended it a few months later. The mind games part is that after we clearly broke up he would be angry if he saw me going on a date with someone else. Like he both didn’t want me and didn’t want me to be with anyone else at the same time.
Post # 10
bee.anonymous: wtf?! “Hey girl, I really like you but Im about to get into a threesome so ITS OVAH!”
Post # 11
ChicoryCreek: UGH same thing happened with me with this guy I briefly dated, and REALLY liked. My ex FI was also a master manipulator, and I was a naive little girl. He would get SUPER mad about the littlest things and I would get so worked up at how upset he was and then he’d flip a switch act like I was the crazy one, “why’d you get so worked up? Don’t be so insecure.” It was also an attempt to make me agree to stuff (sexual, errands, money, letting him “go out” when he was actually going to sleep with another girl) as a way of “making it up” to him. Complete bullshit and I still get so angry when I think of the crap I let him pull on me!!!
Post # 12
I dated a guy who is a diagnosed narcissist, so unfortunately, I could write an entire novel on this topic.
Post # 13
Lbward6: oh boy, this reminds me of another one of my gems:
I was also 18 when this happened (sheesh, it was a tough year)…I met a guy I really liked and who was aggressively pursuing me, but rumor had it he was already in a relationship. Next time we talked, I asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he said no. I grinned andproceeded to ask him if he had a fiance or perhaps a wife. He was cracking up and insisting no, he didnt. Well, I wasnt looking for anything serious with him, so Ibelieved him and we started to date casually. After a few weeks…while we were in bed…I caught a glance at the bedroom closet out of the corner of my eye. There was a high heel sticking out! I went over to the closet amid his protests and opened it…and an AVALANCHE of womens things poured out!!!! Clothes, shoes, makeup, even framed pictures he must’ve taken down from the walls!! I asked him wtf his deal was and why he lied to me, and I will never forget his reply:
“Oh you asked me if I had a girlfriend, fiance, or wife. But you didnt ask me if I had a QUEEN.”
Post # 14
A guy I had dated 7-8 years ago (for a year+), who I thought was “the one” lied to me for the last 4 months we were together… as he was secretely dating someone else, but wouldn’t break up with me because he wasn’t sure how he felt about either of us. This was all while he was acting really weird, which made me wonder WTF was going on… but just went on to our normal stuff. So, while he’s telling me that he loves me every night, and we’re carrying on like BF/GF – he’s also hanging out with someone else.
I found out after we broke up, which just devastated me. They’re married now, so it worked out in her favor.
Post # 15
Yeah, my ex lead me on for a good 4 years or so. I really was crazy about him [at that point anyway]. He really made no sense to me at all, and I swear he was seeing another [if not multiple] woman. He always came to visit ME, not the other way around. He once gave me crap about not coming to visit him, so I made the 2 hour drive to visit him and he refused to answer the door? He said he was “busy” with his college work. I paid for his college, for his clothes, for everything that he needed for college. When I met him he was broke, and couldn’t work due to a bad back, so I put him through school so he could make something of himself. He was great up until he started going to college and that was when he started treating me like crap. He wouldn’t answer my calls [for days on end], and would get mad when I’d text him 3 times in one day. He called me fat [even though he was larger than I was – much LARGER]. And told me that I needed to get a breast lift because I had “saggy boobs”. Ive worn a DD or large since I was 8 years old.. of course they are saggy!
Eventually, I blew him off, deleted him off everything, and he’s always found a way to pop up out of the woodwork. For my 22nd birthday, we had a big multiple party bash between me and all my girlfriends. I invited this guy I had met online [we were just friends] to hang out. He fell totally head over heals for me, and then my ex showed up and basically cockblocked him. Constantly getting between us, trying to get me alone, telling everyone that I will always be “his girl”, even if we aren’t together.
He also had a female “best friend”, who was in love with him. She would call him at all times of the day and night. Supposedly, they had a “talk” and they decided they wouldn’t work, but I don’t believe it and never did. I think she was one of the ones he was playing, too.
He has wrote me tons of emails & texts saying how sorry he was, and how he should have put more effort into our relationship. Even after I met my now husband, he would still try to contact me trying to win me back.
No thanks, I wasted enough time on that asshat, and I feel bad for the next girl who gets strung along by him.