Post # 1
I am in the midst of making a few cuts to the guest list and here are my issues:
I am inviting my cousin and his long time girlfirend whom I hang out with often. The gf’s sister use to hang out with us too; go to our extended family functions and such. Except now that she has a serious bf (for the past 2 years at least) we don’t see her at things much. Whether it is a larger gathering or just a few of us hanging out on the weekend. I am not upset at this or anything, (when push comes to shove in this guest list cut) I am just wondering would it be acceptable to not invite her and her bf since she isn’t really in the “circle” anymore. My cousin and his gf may do things occasionally with her, but like I said it isn’t with any of the other family anymore. Can/Should I cut her?
I have a couple of friends I grew up with that I still talk to and am inviting to the wedding. Their parents were apart of my life too since I was friends with their kids at an age when parents still had to chauffer us around and monitor our fun at sleepovers. The guest list is busting at the seams right now. Should I make room for the three or four parents of these friends?
I was in graduate school and had a horrible experience with it and my department. The only saving grace was this one professor I worked for my first year. He was the only one to seem to take an interest in me. I still am in the city that I was in grad school for and would very much like to invite him and his wife. Seeing that I haven’t actually been in contact with him in quite some time and the fact that I left the grad program, I am hesitant to find out his info to invite him. If you were a professor in this predicament would you feel honored to be invited or creeped out?
I have a lot of older family members that need to be invited to the wedding, and I don’t have a problem with that except that I am afraid that my age friends will end up declining since most of them live far away and I don’t want it to be such an older grandma crowd. Should I cut a couple of those great aunts and replace them with more friends or just hope the mix that I have will accept instead of decline?
I hang out with my cousin and his group of friends since I moved to this city. I have one of those frineds n my guest list because I like him and I see him as much as I see my cousin. I would say we are friends….good friends/best friends, no…but their definitely is a bond their. Problem that I am thinking of now is their are other friends in that same group that I do hang out with, but just not as often. If I had an endless supply of funds for this wedding, I would definitely invite them…but I don’t and I’m wanting to use the “would they invite me to their wedding?” rule. Is this a good rule to use to cut people or does using it become a rabbit hole filled with doubt, ie. “no one is going to come to my wedding”?
Last issue: I had a friend in college (3 years removed from college now) and we kind of drifted apart after freshman year. Though the same is true for that entire group of us from freshman year we still every once in a while keep in contact. Problem is this particular friend like cut all the girls in our “clique” out before she dropped out of school and moved back home. I talked to her one time after she left and since then all other communication in the past 4-5 years has been ignored (I tried may be 3 times via facebook in that span of years). I really valued our friendship and would love to have her at our wedding seeing that she knew us/hung out with us both. Should I find out her address and send her an invite like everyone else? Contact her before hand and reconcile whatever issue she may have had first, or no? Or just take her off the list entirely?
Post # 2
My rules were
1. Immediate Family (No great aunts or 2nd cousins)
2. Close friends I have met/hung out with since we’ve been dating
3. If we’re inviting someone with a serious SO, the SO is invited as well to keep the peace and just in case they don’t know anyone, they have their SO
Has my FI followed these rules? No. He wants to invite all of his coworkers and their SO’s which totals 18 people but I have only ever met 2! His family also wants to invite family friends of theirs AND their kids. Their kids are older but there are 5 people they want to invite and each couple has 2 kids and half of those kids are married. There are an extra 50 people that could be cut out if I had the heart to tell them no.
I say cut people you haven’t talked to for more than a year or two. Don’t invite the friends parents if you haven’t had any contact with them whatsoever. They probably won’t even care that they weren’t invited considering there hasn’t been any contact in years with them. It’s not a reunion. It’s a day to celebrate with the people who care about you and care about you enough to keep in contact with you.
Post # 3
We are having the same problem with the list busting at the seams now, but initially we followed only one rule:
The only people we added were those who we absolutely could not imagine getting married without.
Then, we decided to give plus 1’s to immediate family who aren’t in relationships (grandma, brother, aunt), to anyone from out of town who doesn’t have a SO, and inviting everyone’s SO who has one.
Cutting is the worst… 🙁 Good luck to you! 🙂
Post # 4
1. Immediate Family (this included only our parents, siblings, and uncles/aunts we have a relationship with).
2. Close friends
3. No children. The only exception was our flower girl.
4. We also split the guest list 50/50. We thought it only fair regardless of who has the larger side because it was our wedding not just his or mine.
Post # 5
We’re having trouble with our guest list too. The way we’re doing it is:
For the ceremony we’re inviting family only. Parents, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles, bridal party. That’s it. Obviously his sisters husbands are invited, as is my brothers girlfriend.
For the reception we added close friends, some cousins (I have way too many to invite them all), and a few people that played significant roles in our lives growing up. For example, I’ve known one of my bridesmaids for my entire life, and her parents are invited to the reception because they’re practically family. Bosses are also potentially going to be invited. That’s still up in the air.
Oh, and only the kids that we can’t NOT invite. Like his young sisters and cousin. It would be terrible if they weren’t there, so they’re invited. But the guests with kids, I’m sorry but we just can’t.
Post # 6
westgirl1208: I wouldn’t mind the parents not coming it is just that alot of people have been in fiance and my lives because we grew up together. So its a culmination of you know the “crush” and “puppy love” stages and all that. I am sure my high school friends will go back and tell their parents about the wedding… I just know that if the tables were turned I know my mom would want (but not expect) and invite.
Post # 7
My idea of making a list was immediate family, all the way to first cousins and that’s it. I was hoping to leave it at maybe 200 to 250.
This was my FI’s criteria for inviting people to the wedding:
Ended up inviting 530, we’ll probably end up with 490ish
Post # 8
MrsHistory-Bee: When I made the initial list at the very start of wedding planning I categorized everyone as level A, B, C, and D. Note that this was NOT the same as an “A list” or “B list” as it was used to figure out numbers and decide how big a wedding we wanted, not to invite people in tiers.
A = VIP. Absolutely must be there. Will check in with this person regarding the date and location of the wedding ot make sure they can attend. Generally, this was immediate family.
B = Close family and friends. People I would never think of not inviting.
C = Other family & friends. These are people I would happily invite to a larger wedding, but wouldn’t make the cut it we decided to keep it intimate.
D = parents friends & courtesey invites. My parents had a pretty big list of friends and clients to include. I made them a seperate category since I don’t know of them well (if I did know them well they would have been included in the other categories).
From here I was able to see what #s would look like if we included A only, or A+B, or A+B+C, or A+B+C+D. It was a really useful exercise.
Oh, and everyone was invited either with their SO or with a guest of their choice. None of my friends or family had young kids at the time, so that was not a consideration.
Post # 9
- Wedding: October 2014 - Our Backyard/Steakhouse
our simple cut off was whether or not we would take said person (and spouse) our for a nice dinner for absolutely no reason…and pick up the bill.
If the answer was yes, then we sent an invite.
It was a great threshold to keep the list very small and intimate.
Post # 10
1. No one under the age of 21.
2. If you’ve never invited us to your home, you’re not invited to our wedding.
3. If we haven’t spoken to you in a year, you’re not invited.
Post # 11
MrsHistory-Bee: Our guidelines were…
-Keep it to family and friends we both know (we wanted small-ish and intimate)
-No kids, except my niece as FG
-Less than 80 if possible (we actually ended up with 61!)
Post # 12
I think mine would look something like:
-If your not on my Christmas Card list, you’re not on my wedding list.
-If you don’t know my birthday, or SO last name, your not on the list.
-If the last time I saw you was at a BBQ when I was 6, your not on the list.
-If your a second or third cousion, your not on the list.
I’m being really flippant here, but my Dad will talk about inviting random people I’m sure I’ve never met, or if I have I was tiny and don’t remember. And then all their millions of children, honestly I might as well take an ad out in the local newspaper
Post # 13
MrsPiggles: You poor thing. I thought 150 was crazy!! I think my FMIL knew i’d have a breakdown if her list was over 100 considering I told her we only wanted MAX 130 people!
Also love the meme!!!
Post # 14
MrsHistory-Bee: Basic rule: invite relatives we had to (all aunts and uncles and cousins, none of cousins’ children) and then the friends we felt we really should. For your specific questions:
cousin’s gf’s sister: no. cousin’s gf automatically gets an invite as his partner, but the rest of her family does not.
Close friends’ parents: no. I had a similar dilemma. They were part of my life, but not as much as other friends. (p.s. and the parents probably won’t expect an invite: my daughter’s bff is getting married and I certainly don’t expect to be invited).
grad school prof: yes, but he’ll probably decline. I’m a believer in showing thanks to important people in one’s life.
Don’t cut relatives you must invite. If it’s mainly an older crowd… it doesn’t matter.
cousin’s friend group: just invite the one you’re very friendly with. You don’t need to invite all of a “friendship group”.
Old friend who never replies: no. There will be other times to reconnect.
Post # 15
I had the same problem!!! Idealy I wanted to invite like 50ppl but my family is big and both our families know alot of ppl. The guest list got to 210…. I have a breakdown and took out the black pen.
Our parents are paying for the wedding but im only allowing them to invite 4 couples each (My parents and his parents),
On my mom’s side if i invite my cousins and their families that totals 35ppl (they didn’t make the cut) I know Im going to hear alot about this but I’m not very close with alot of them, and Im not going to play favorites game, (these ppl make alot of drama about nothing).
For our friends, if we stay in contact and can call and hangout anytime or actually keep in contact with, they got invited….
The list is now 106 and Im much happier with that! This inclues all single guests getting a +1 too (which is maybe 10)
It’s hard, I know Im going to hear about it but im over it really. I want a small wedding and everyone I talk to says its Our day and we can do what we want 🙂