- 4 years ago
FMIL was friend’s with a guy, let’s call him Tom. She met Tom’s brother, Sam.
She and Sam hooked up, and she got pregnant with the FI.
Sam ran away when he found out, dead-beat-dad, etc.
FMIL is still friends with Tom, to this day. And wants us to invite Tom to the wedding.
The FI said he’s fine with this. Apparently they lived with Tom in an apartment when the FI was growing up as a kid.
The FI said that growing up, he knew who Sam was, but never met him, and he knew that Tom was Sam’s brother. But it didn’t bother him. And apparently Tom stayed out of the whole Sam-leaving-FMIL-and-FI scenario.
DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL HOW WRONG THIS IS? Is it just ME? It’s like this GIANT elephant in the room.
Any childhood psych’s out there?
This was obviously a super-f*cked up way to be raised, right?
Maybe it’s just me. “Oh yeah, that guy over there is technically your uncle. Your dad? No. He doesn’t want anything to do with you. Here’s a sandwich; go watch TV and stop asking questions.”
I don’t want to invite Tom, but the FI wants to. I’m going to have a really hard time looking into the face of this random hippie POS who just “stayed out of it” and didn’t even try to talk his brother into stepping up and being a man and at least paying child support.
Sorry this was so long and angry… I just… I can’t f*cking wrap my head around this backwards situation. I can’t imagine growing up in that environment; the FI must have felt so confused as a child. But now after 30 or so years, he’s just burried it and is numb to it all.
My mind, is blown.
ETA: We *are* inviting Tom. The FI said he’s fine with him being there. He didn’t say he WANTED him there, just that he’s “fine” with inviting him.
And I agree that, while I wasn’t *there,* the FI has told me hours of stories enough to paint a pretty clear picture. Tom was just a random guy he lived with, Tom didn’t step-in as SUPER-UNCLE or anything. At one point, the FI (when he was like 3) thought that Tom was his dad. Because no one told him who Tom was.
I guess this post is more about how I hate his mother (my FMIL). But that could really get into 50 paragraphs…