I was just thinking about this, due to another thread.
What will change when (or because) you get married? Have you discussed it with your SO, if you’re marriage-ready? If not, what do you want to change or not want to change someday when you get married?
Living situation/neighborhood/owning vs renting? Willingness to have kids? Income? Time spent at home vs time spent out? Type of recreation? Type of vacation? Way of communicating? Priorities? Intimacy amount or type?
What do you think marriage SHOULD alter about a relationship?
Example: FH and I already live together. We do not ever want children, and we have no interest in owning a house or living in the suburbs. (We’re city people through and through.) We go out occasionally but like to watch TV and play video games and intend to keep doing that. We love traveling and both want to see the world. We already are intimate. We already are a team, put each other first, and will even defend each other to our own parents if we have to. Blah blah blah.
I realized, there’s nothing we want to change. We have things pretty much how we like them, other than maybe some more income, that would be nice. Marriage isn’t actually going to change anything. After our wedding and a tiny vacation, we’ll come back to precisely the same life we left, just as we left it, nothing different but the rings on our fingers.
For us, that’s just right, but I know that woud be disappointing to some. So share your feelings about change from before marriage to after marriage! Wht do you know will change? What do you think ought to change? What do you hope will change?
@Bebealways: Well, we already live together and have been on the same page about finances, children, sex and most things. The biggest changes will be that I will take his last name and we are going to open a joint checking account (only for bills though).
Nothing will change immediately besides my name – we already live together, share incomes and whatnot but we do plan on TTC almost immediately after the wedding (we’ll both be 31 and want 2 kids so we want to start sooner rather than later) so contraceptive use will definitely change!
The only thing that will change for us is that we will be trying for a baby right after we get married. We are both childless and divorced. I am 27, but he is 42… so based on his age, we want to get moving on the baby making ASAP.
For us, the only thing that will change when we get married is my last name.
Edited to add: And I just remembered, our finances. Once we’re married, we will have one account where our wages go into and bills come out of, plus a joint savings and then seperate spending accounts which a certain amountof $$ per week goes into and a personal savings account as well – cause FI-to-be won’t tolerate me spending $1,500 of our money on shoes and I refuse to see hundreds of dollars of our money being spent on beer and bar snacks each week!
Nothing, except I will be able to save money instead of putting it towards the wedding.
I may change my last name and eventually we will probably buy a house and have kids, but not for quite a while. We already live together, our finances will remain as they are and we’re already intimate. So there’s nothing that will change really.
Nothing wil change except I will take his last name and will stop taking the contraceptive pill (but that’s probably quite a big thing!)
Only two things will change.
1. My last name.
2. We’ll start searching for a house to buy [currently renting].
Nothing will change relationship-wise. We still put each other first and don’t expect any changes in behaviour or treatment of each other, however there will be a few changes in situation – we will hopefully have bought a house by next year, we will start trying to conceive this time next year, etc. But nothing about the actual relationship will change.
Everything will change for us. We are not currently living together, and he has two wonderful kids, so starting after the honeymoon, I go from single and 38 living alone, to a family. We join our finances for household expenses, and I give up my two cats. Honestly, outside of loving him and his family, there is very little that will NOT change… and after living most of my life for myself, it is a change that terrifies me, and is exactly what I want.
The only thing that changed is our legal status of being married. We already lived together, commingled funds, and decided to wait on kids before we even got engaged. Now we just file our taxes jointly.
Nothing will change for us. Already live together, plan to keep our finances separate for the foreseeable future. Not having children. Not taking his last name. Our relationship is wonderful as it is (respectful, don’t fight or bicker, good intimacy, shared hobbies). About the only thing that will change is who is the beneficiary on our insurance policies.
- My name
- The ability to arrange each others funeral instead of our parents
- inherriting from each other
- The feeling of being married is emotionally different for me and being able to really call him my husband after 8 years.
- probably lots of other legal benefits
@Bebealways: Great thread idea
I voted ‘other”. The only thing that will be changing for us is my surname lol. FI and I started a joint bank account before we were even engaged. We bought our first home together last year and have been living together since. In regards to birth control, we only use condoms atm and won’t be planning on TTC for a few years so I guess that will stay the same too.