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I was reading another post and it got me wondering what words the Bees out there find offensive. I'm not talking about obvious things like racial/ethnic slurs which are never acceptable, but for instance, I know that many many bees (myself included) do not like when the word "tacky" is used. In the interest of making WB an even more positive community, I'm just wondering what words or phrases come up on the boards that upset people.
I'll start - as I said above, I don't like when "tacky" is used; I also don't like "cheap"
"Public school" used as a derogatory thing. I went to public school because we couldn't afford anything else. Yeah, I hated it but there was nothing I can do.
FI hates "hicks" because where he's from, that's kind of what the people are. I made the awful mistake of calling his brother that once and it did NOT go over well.
What constitutes a "real" wedding. It reminds me of Palin talking about the "real" America. Um, hon, we're all real, even if you disagree with us. And my wedding, city hall and four guests was completely and totally real.
I will try not to climb up on my soapbox too much hear, but it really offends me when people use the word rape as a joke or in a derogatory way. I think it's awful that such a strong word and horible act could be used as a joke! ie"That test totally raped me" and many other phrases.
Oh and I have not seen that joke on WB, but I have seen it thrown around on the Knot boards a lot. One of many reasons I do not post over there anymore!
I don't like the use of "crazy," or "insane" as far as WB goes; especially because we're referring to someone's life choices, or weddings, or marriages. The subject matter we talk about here is so personal to us that we shouldn't use phrases like that lest we sound judgy.
@jaylil9 That's horrible! I am truly worried about the misogynistic trends and anti-feminist backlash happening in the US.
I hate when people say I'm going bridezilla or I'm having a bridezilla moment. Nothing about being a bride should allow deplorable behavior. There is always a way to handle every situation with tact and poise and I hate that people have gotten away from that.
@Laylabelle: I knew you would chime in :o)
My sister was in special education as a child (she caught up eventually) so this word is a soft spot with me as well.
@Layla & hotchild - I'm totally with you. I have an autistic cousin and one of my best friends works with autistic children. The "R" word is not cool.
Um, how bout, "why do you wanna get married anyway?"
What is that about? Its usually a divorcee or a bachelor that says it and the tone is like, "are you stupid?!?"
@hotchild - you know it!!!
I'm on a personal mission to rid the world of the casual use of the R word, and to get people to stop ordering "expresso".
I have to agree with Jaylii. I haven't seen anything like that on here, but people at college say that stuff all the time, and maybe I'm a little more sensitive to it, because I've been rapped, but it's not funny, and totally disrespectful to the people who have been through stuff like that. When I hear people at school say stuff like that, I just stare at them with the evil eye, and walk away.
There's not really a specific word or phrase that bothers me. Words have different meanings for different people. To each her own.
I *HATE* "retarded" It's called the "R" word in my parent's house. My aunt uses it all the time and her thick Boston accent makes it infinitely worse "Retahded" *shudder*
I also hate (though not as intensely) Bridezilla. My minister asked me if I was going to be one. I was like "Seriously? Even from you?" *shakes head*
cheerful- I actually brought up the discussion on a knot board when it was thrown around in a post. The post was discussing oficiants and a girl said "The church is totally raping us on the cost of oficiating the wedding"
Um, that whole sentence upset me. I expressed my concerns and was pretty much shunned, so I stopped posting on the knot and found you polite ladies :)
I am also worried about where this country is headed sometimes.
Bridezilla.
I'm so sick of it, and I was called bridezilla a lot just for speaking up and asking for what I wanted. My husband to this day defends me and says I was probably the most easy-going bride, and even though I know my family meant it as a joke much of the time, it seriously started to annoy me. They even started with the "bridezilla" comments before we were engaged! Things like, "Oh, I KNOW you'll be a bridezilla!" Ugh.
It just really annoys me when an engaged woman speaks up, and she's automatically given the "you're crazy" look.
Mine is not as serious as some of the others, and I know I'm going to get backlash for this one.. but my least favorite word in the English language is... Fabulous.
I hate it. It's overused. There are so many other words that can be used to describe something. And it is like nails on a chalkboard to me.
@Laylabelle: My mission is for people to stop "axing" me a question, and saying they "must of forgotten something" MUST HAVE! argh
I second and third the R word. I also cannot tolerate using the word "gay" to imply something negative. I've never seen it used on these boards but whenever I hear it in real life I correct people instantly, (even if I don't know them). For a while there were commercials on tv aimed at this issue when a famous actor would use someone's name in a negative way as they used gay in a negative way. loved those!
@Meowkers - I second and third you on the gay thing and I'm so so so glad that I've never seen it come up in a post on WB
On the term rape, and please don't think that I am belittling how absolutely terrible the act of rape is, but rape does have several meanings. To say that "the test totally raped me," would not be out of context for one of the word's meanings. Rape is defined "an act of plunder, violent seizure, or abuse; despoliation." While they may be a little melodramatic saying the test abused them, they are not comparing it to the act of forcing one's self on another in a sexual manner. I know it's a harsh term, but I hope that maybe thinking of it another way will not seem as violent to you.
I can't stand when people call me "young lady." Especially now that I'm married, it seems so condescending, even though I know people usually don't mean it that way.
@hotchild - OMG. I am such a jerk when it comes to the "could of, would of, should of" thing..... I always come back with - "so...... should I start typing the contraction as could'f?"
It doesn't in the slightest offend me, obviously, but I am sick of the adjective "stunning" for weddings. I feel like it is totally overused and the go-to wedding word. If I see one more "stunning" bride I am going to barf!
@Puggy - I'm going to have to disagree that when people use the term "rape" in that manner, they are using it in accordance with it's strict definition. It's such a loaded word and I sincerely doubt anyone is thinking about "plunder" when they use it in that way. I think of it this way: a "faggot" is defined as a bundle of sticks; a "fag" is slang for cigarette in England - but that doesn't make it OK to use those terms here where they carry other, more widely acknowledged meanings.
Just to clarify - I'm not implying that you think that saying "rape" in that way is OK; I just disagree that the fact that it has other definitions makes it somehow less offensive when people use it.
@puggy: that's really interesting to know! I'd sometimes heard "rape" used in the context of things like the thoughtless destruction of cities/environments/religious sites, and assumed it was figurative. Guess not!
"I seen that the other day" "We was doing this" "I ain't going to wear that"
Think small country town colloquialisms. I hate them all. Mostly because that's what I grew up with, I continually corrected people in high school. And got made fun of because of it. I realize I have some colloquialisms my self, I don't pronounce T's well (bu'in, instead of button), but I at least use the correct verbs.
Edit: @hotchild - I agree with the "ax" thing!
THANK YOU to whoever said "gay" - when it's used in a negative connotation. It's so damn insulting.
Oh & my favorite with the "Axe, expresso", etc. is when people say "Birfday" it drives me nuts!!!
@OTB: I hear you. I spent years trying to lose the accent from where I grew up. If I spend the weekend with my mom/sister, I hear myself picking it back up again. (My dad doesn't have it -- he grew up in a different place)
@layla - Yeah, that's exactly the word I was going to post. I hate. hate. hate. it when people use the word "retarded". I'm in special education, so it's one that really gets to me.
@hotchild - I know! I spend even the littlest time "in the country" as my FH calls it and he tells me I come back with an accent! But I'm bad about picking up on different local accents. Ever heard of the Cleveland/Akron accent? Baaackpaaack. It's a long aaaaa sound. Man, I picked that up bad when I went to school. Finally over it though!
"That's so gay" or "you're gay."
I know most people shape up and realize how offensive (and shouldn't even be derogatory!) this is, but I know college students that still say it. I will not tolerate it in conversation. Ugh.
also the nit pick-y things that have been mentioned "could of" instead of "could have" etc.
and YES to retarded, ugh, that must have been started in elementary school and a whole group of people never grew up. Inexcusable.
kittyachi - I totally understand what you are saying. Some people don't even know that it has another meaning. But, in context of the situation, it is an appropriate term. I agree, fag is a bad word, when used to describe a gay person. Fag is not bad for someone from England. It just confirms that it is about context. Same as queer. Call something queer, you get jumped. Queer technically means: "strange or odd from a conventional viewpoint; unusually different." If I call something queer, its not a jab at someone who prefers someone of the same sex, I'm using it as what it was originally used for.
if anyone had ever used Bridezilla toward me, I would be PO'd, but I did hear my hairdresser say "she's not a bridezilla", and I was flattered
I also hate the use of "real", as in (towards me) You will regret not having a Real wedding cake.
My sister's pet peeve, that now I notice is "I could care less".
@Puggy - Oh, I totally get what you're saying. I'm an editor and a lifelong grammar/vocab nerd so correct usage of words has always been a thing of mine.
Another one I just thought of that KILLS me is "irregardless"
I often catch myself mistyping things when I'm in a hurry, but improper use of words bothers me. I have the urge to print some of my e-mails and mark them up with a red pen.
Of course, the demeaning words that have already been listed bother me as well.
@kitty - totally with you on irregardless!!!
Also, "chester drawers" instead of chest OF drawers. Just call it a damn dresser.
(I have the flu, and I'm grouchy. Can you tell?)
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