(Closed) What Would The Hive Do? (A long in-law related rant)

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1537 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Oh no this sucks. I have had problems with my FMIL and FI’s family…it’s tough to deal with.

You just really have to remember to be as positive as you can about the situation. Take the high road if I can give any advice because sometimes these woman just work extra hard to be difficult. Also remember that it’s your MILs only son and eldest meaning she’s used to him being her pride and joy that she has a say over.

She might just need to get used to the idea of you being his wife. Stick in there and just be as nice and as positive as you can. If things get really inapporpriate on her part then DH needs to stick up for you, so you should have this conversation with him as well.

Good luck with this sticky situation.

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like MIL has a severe lack of tact. Did no one teach her the golden rule?! Just because she would have done things differently if she had planned the wedding, it doesn’t mean that she can beat you up about the choices you made, especially since she refused the opportunity to help. It’s good to hear that DH is on your side. I don’t think though that there’s a lot you can do. She sounds like she’s gone through a lot of changes in the past year between losing her husband, her son getting married, and you guys potentially moving away, on top of her ongoing health problems. That’s a lot of stress.

Could you talk to DH’s sibling(s) to see what advice or help they can offer? It sounds like they’re very involved in MIL’s life, so maybe they could offer some advice as to how they’ve coped and balanced time management between work, home, and their mom.

((hugs))

Post # 6
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow I’m so sorry. I can’t believe you didn’t have few choice words or just smack her for the “next time you get married comment” She sounds like a piece of work. I can’t believe she makes such a scene in front of everyone..”poor form” on her part…*shakes head*

I think that you and your husband should pick what information you choose to share with her, especially with moving, careers and kids etc. Especially if she’s going to be making comments to other family members. As for other things especially when she brings up things you made sure to include her in (ie the pictures) or things you and FI have done to help her, remind her of it. If it happens to be in front of others so be it, she brought it up. When I say remind her don’t make it sound like you’re trying to get pity from people or brownie points, but just make her remember.  I think the photos is a good one, that you can say Remember MIL we tried to take pictures and you said you’d rather not. Or remember we did come over to your house and did such and such.  Stick it back to her.

Post # 8
Member
442 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My father and mother have been together for 27 years. My father takes care of my elderly Grandmother and they cannot leave the city because there is no one else to care for her. Father and Aunt share duties of taking my grandmother; which consist of taking her to her many doctor appointments, filling prescriptions, and helping with house hold chores. My grandmother refuses to live in a nursing home and be away from her church. At times my mother complains because she feels as though my grandmother takes away from family time, but that’s my grandmother and my dads mother.

In no way, shape, or form has my Nana EVER disrespected my mother; if she were to ever disrespect my mother all hell would break loose. You come FIRST, you are his wife; while he may have to take care of his mother he also has to take care of you. 

Post # 9
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Oh you poor thing! I dont even know what to say and a “i dont know what to say” post is kind of lame!

But like another poster said…i suppose taking the high road, as hard as it is (especially since you have done it so often!!) wouldbe the best thing to do. I assume you talk to your DH about this, but from what i can read it doesnt sound like he defends you, himself or you guys very much. ??? (please correct me if i am wrong!)

Post # 12
Member
3148 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

@littlemissmoo oh wow! This family sounds very distructive! Maybe it ouwl be best if you guys did purchase out of the distrcit and start your own “family” that doesnt have them as involved as much Frown

Post # 14
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor

@littlemissmoo: Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong, but in my husband and other’s friend’s circle there is a bit of a “don’t make a scene” mentality. Whereas in America, it feels normal (for the most part) to confront someone who is speaking to you like that. So based on my experience, I can imagine how shocking it for her to act like that, and why you or your husband wouldn’t want to contribute to that craziness.

So I don’t think it’s that he isn’t “standing up for her” -her’s just doing it in a different way and at a different time.

I don’t have any good advice though, I rarely see my MIL (who is a nice lady) since we moved across the Atlantic. I think the best course is to restrict the information she is given and practice saying “that is inappropriate and truly out of line” for the next time that she does something inappropriate or out of line. Perhaps shaming her a little when she does that in public will help her to not do it in the future.

Post # 15
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Im so sorry ,, I have taken the high road for 14 years with mine kinda over it now. How can a mother treat her son like that as well. I love my honey to much to let him think thats what love is… good luck do what u feel is right 🙂

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