Post # 1
So my b’ette party drama seems to be never-ending. It’s to be this weekend after a tea party my sister is throwing with my godmother. At this point, my maid of honor (BFF, sister is matron of honor) hasn’t sent out a group email with plans to me or the rest of the attendees (I know from my sister). I mentioned to her last week that she ought to, esp. b/c my sister and another friend are both moms and only attending for part so need some time to plan their sitters etc. Well, apparently she emailed the two moms saying that dinner was at 8PM (um, no way they can attend…also, my sister is 7 months pregnant). She also picked a dinner place that’s pretty far from where we’re staying (another friends place), so driving will be required which is bad if we’ll be having drinks (not exactly tons of cabs in the Detroit metro area). None of it is terrible, but I would prefer to have dinner walking distance from there…and early enough for everyone to attend. I’m trying to figure out what to do. The bkgd is that MOH has been kind of bad about giving out info. Not sure exactly why she’s doing this, but it’s coming across as controlling. I’ve tried to tell her that I’d like to be involved in some of the details (esp. b/c it’s in my home town where she’s never been). She says she doesn’t want me to stress about it. Which is fine. But I feel like maybe she’s deliberately trying to marginalize my sister with the plans she’s making, which is not fine. The two don’t get along…and I know why. But I want my sister to be there, and I don’t want to spend time getting into the issues between them, least of all so close to these events. How do I handle this without turning it into yet another source of stress and drama? In other words, I don’t want to start talking to everyone about how they don’t like so-and-so, but at this point I want to dictate the details b/c leaving it up to everyone else seems like it’s just going to lead to someone being excluded.
Post # 3
Do you have anyone else in your wedding party besides your maid of honor and matron of honor, like bridesmaids? If you do, I would voice your concerns to another bridesmaid who can carry the message on to the maid of honor, because your concerns come across as being really valid to me but your maid of honor might not listen because she doesn’t think you should be involved in the planning, whereas someone else in the wedding party can voice those same concerns and perhaps be taken more seriously.
Otherwise…you are the bride, this party is being thrown for you and BFF really needs to stop and listen to what you are saying. I think that you need to speak up and tell BFF what you said here- you want to make sure your sister can attend, you don’t want to have to worry about anyone driving after drinking. Have you seen that episode of Scrubs where Carla tries to plan Elliot’s bachelorette party? Elliot ends up making all the decisions about the party and Carla plans it.
Whatever the reason is that your sister and your BFF don’t get along, right now it is not your problem, so don’t get involved in it. If either brings it up, you should simply point out that this is your wedding and YOU are the one getting married, and both people are special to you and you want them included, period.
Post # 4
I had a similar issue as a bridesmaid in my friend’s upcoming wedding. The bridesmaids as a group had an email thread going last summer about handling the bachelorette party (most of the BMs are in the NY area or at least east coasters). The wedding is in Ohio, so we all agreed that the bachelorette would be in NY because it is too much to ask us to go to the midwest twice within a few months. The midwesterners would come east once, and we would go west once – everything is even. The MoH wasn’t helpful or accomodating, the bride wasn’t involved, and long story short, we didn’t end up doing anything because all attempts on our part to plan ahead of time were not listened to, so then there was last minute scrambling about doing something and there was no time or place that worked for everyone. I think, unless everyone is from the same area and no travel coordination is involved, the bride should be involved in the planning (unless she WANTS a surprise) and the MoH needs to involve everyone in the planning, or at the very least be forthcoming with plans and important info, so that most if not all the people the bride wants there can make it. After all, the whole point of doing a bachelorette party is so the bride can have a fun night out with the gals most important to her!