What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
2649 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@vintagebride143:  Hmmm.  Well, I think for me it would depend on the size of her wedding.  If she’s having a very small, low budget wedding, I’d give her a pass.  If she’s having a big wedding…not so much.

In that case, I think I’d just throttle way back on the communication.  She sends you pics of her fitting and venue?  Reply – they look really nice.  She calls and wants to discuss wedding stuff?  Change the subject or make an excuse and get off the phone. 

Post # 4
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

Very rude on her part to do that. I’d let her know that (assuming it is NOT a small/low-budget wedding and that’s why you were cut) it really is off-putting to hear so many details about something so meaningful to her that you aren’t invited to attend, and that perhaps she’d appreciate the opinions of her bridal party or guests vs. yours.

It’s like being financially well off, and dangling your wealth in your financially-struggling friend’s face … TACTLESS!

Post # 5
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@vintagebride143:  I kind of think she’s crazy.  If you weren’t in touch before she got engaged, would you miss not talking to her if you just stopped indulging her need to talk wedding stuff?  I wouldn’t talk to her anymore if she really didn’t invite you, regardless of the size of the wedding.  That’s just weird and I wouldn’t understand what her motivation to talk to you about it is, if you aren’t invited.

Post # 7
Member
460 posts
Helper bee

@Blonde17Jess:  Ditto … she has probably driven off her bridal party with non-stop wedding talk to the point they are avoiding her, thus, she’s coming to OP.

 

Post # 8
Member
1584 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@JoCoJenn:  +1

I would be bothered by that… I mean, I talk about wedding stuff with my WORK friends, who are not coming to the wedding, but not a close friend who isn’t getting an invitation. I certainly wouldn’t be sending them all sorts of information on it and asking for your input if you won’t even get to see the finished product!! Not cool of her at all.

Post # 9
Member
1721 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Hmmm…well that just seems awkward to me.  Its one thing to talk about ur wedding occasionaly but to talk as extensively as you guys are and to give you all the details and ask your imput on EVERYTHING…i think its really rude of her.  I mean, I have a coworker that asks about wedding planning and I might send her a pictures or give her updates…but i’m not constantly calling her..and if I was, I would definitely make sure she was going to be there.  There is a chance that it hasn’t clicked what she’s doing…but i would bring it up to her in a non-attacking kind of way, and if she continues like this then I definitely agree with @ Zhabeego and just cut back on the commincation.  Its one thing to do that unitentionally but to do it and know exactly what you’re doing is unacceptable.

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@vintagebride143:  I would really be hurt by this. I mean it would be fine if she just didn’t invite you, but to involve you in it and everything and then no invite. I think I agree with PP I would kind of distance myself from the whole communication. Its rude of her to have you use time giving her advice and such on venues and her dress.

Post # 15
Member
32 posts
Newbee

If you haven’t talked to her in a long time, maybe the reason is right in front of you.  She’s heartless to be involving you in her plans but not in the actual wedding.  Not someone I would want as a friend that’s for sure.  IMO it’s all about bragging!  I wouldn’t give her my time.  

Post # 16
Member
7195 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@vintagebride143:  There is a saying, Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity“.

In this case, I would replace “stupidity” with “cluelessness”. It’s possible that she’s intentionally gloating, but I think it’s more likely that she just doesn’t realise that what she’s doing is inappropriate. I think she thinks it’s ok to talk weddings with another bride even though you’re not invited to each others weddings. (Yes she has her MOH and BMs, but they’re probably not also getting married at the same time).

From here, I’d just try to shut it down by showing disinterest.

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