Post # 1
My friend (seriously, I am already married, it isnt me ;D) is in a weird situation and she is very upset about it. i am not going to share my opinion because I dont want to skew any results.
My friend is in her mid 30’s and thinks she may want kids and def wants to get married. She just started dating this great guy. They have been dating for a month, exclusivly. Although its early in the relationship she sees it going somewhere.
The problem: he just told her that he is allergic to dogs. she not only has a dog but her dog is her baby. She is very attached to this dog. he just now broke the news to her.
She thinks she will have to end up choosing between him or the dog (in the future, when they decide to move in together). He doesnt think its a big deal although he is serious about her
should she keep dating this guy or break it off to snuggle up with her dog at night? 😀
Post # 3
Enjoy the relationship for now, but don’t get rid of the dog!!!!
Post # 4
I love my cats to death but my FI is allergic and knew I would have to give them up when we got married. I don’t think I’d ever be able to choose an animal over a person. I don’t think she should worry about it yet though.
Post # 5
Which is WHY I prescribe to an EVERYTHING that I AM… AND WILL NOT CHANGE out on the table as early as possible
As I see it they have a few choices:
1- They stop dating
2- They continue dating and see where it goes down the road
3- They end up moving in together, and she has to come to the realization that she give up her pooch (sad sad day)… to be honest I’d be hard pressed to give up an animal I have a history with in exchange for a guy. In the real world, animals are far more loyal then men.
4- They find a workable solution. It is a pain, but I’ve known people in similar situations in regards to allergies, and the one with the issue, has had to make adjustments (take allergy meds / shots) or there have been distinct rules in the house for the pet… no animal on the bed – baby gates to block off specific areas etc.
MY BEST ADVICE…
This is something they need to talk about honestly and openly NOW
Why go on and on… and they both getting more involved without working this thru. It is like a bandaid… if it is to be so, it is better to rip it off now, and be done, than prolong the agony.
(( HUGS )) to your GF
Hope this helps,
Post # 6
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
Allergy shots?? That’s a tough one :/
Post # 7
How allergic? I’m allergic to dogs, but I could still live with them. But cats? I wouldn’t be able to coexist. There is a possibility of a middle ground! He could also try medication to help with the allergies.
I think it’s best to address it now than later though and decide whether they split, she gives up the dog, or they find middle ground.
Post # 8
Surely, if this guy ends up being “the one”, they could find a way to either live with the dog, or she could find a friend/family member to take the dog so she could still see it?
For example, when they move in together, make it a place with a yard, so the dog can be outside a lot with her to play, and then seclude it to certain parts of the house (such as the basement) and NEVER let it on furniture, keep it well-groomed, bathed, and don’t live somewhere with carpet, vacuum religiously and use an air purifier…
I guess it will depend on how severe his allergies are, as to whether the dog can ultimately stay.
Post # 9
I said enjoy the relationship and see where it goes but honestly, I would NEVER give up my babys (cats) If I had a dog and was facing this situation, I would keep the dog an outside dog and if he’s really badly allergic, I would ask him to take some medication and possibly a shot. But when my dog passed on, I would not replace it with another dog.
Really, thinking in the long term a dog won’t live as long as you and its really a mid-term solution. Its sad to think of, but it really is true.
Post # 10
Id suggest allergy shots or strong meds! I am very allergic to cats (and hubby is a total cat man). We have a kitty but am on medication that makes my allergy seem nonexistent
Post # 11
In my opinion, this makes them somewhat incompatible! I’m lucky because when I met my FI we both loved dogs. Even if he was allergic like this guy is, I would never ever consider giving up my dog. He would just have to deal with allergies!
Post # 12
How allergic is he? Can he take anything for it while building up a tolerance? I have some friends who are engaged and she lives cats (her family owns, like, 7) and he’s allergic, like too much dander in the air or too much contact. When he lived with my FI, we had a semi-hypoallergenic cat that really helped build his tolerance. In addition to that, he takes allegy meds. They just got a kitten and they have air filters throughout the apartment. He’s doing really well with it.
I say, take care of grooming and control shedding, vaccuum regularly and use air filters. Don’t allow the dog in the bedroom, bathroom, man cave. I think it’s definitely possible for them to keep the dog. Just make sure they meet, clean before he comes over, and give him a chance to build up a tolerance before moving in. Then implement the extra measures once he moves in.
Post # 13
They are a month into a relationship! Continue dating and see what happens he has options to handle his allergies, she has options of where to temporarily put the dog or live seperatley. It’s 1 month in just enjoy the good sex!
Post # 14
Husband comes ahead of pets, though I realise it would be a difficult decision.
If it was me, I’d look at adopting the dog out to a family member or friend if/when it got as far as being married (since I’m not one for living together before marriage).
Let me add another perspective: how would you respond if we replaced “spouse” with “overseas job”? How would you respond if a friend said, “There’s a great overseas job; should I delay applying for 10 years because of my dog?”. I wouldn’t. I’d do what a friend did: give the dog away (to a friend if possible) and take the overseas job.
Post # 15
All pets > New boyfriend. Or most anyone. They need me and I agreed to be responsible for them for their lives! Not just until it wasn’t convenient anymore.
Post # 16
I’m allergic to cats.. I Have four.. Yes it sucks sometimes and I want to dieeeeeeeee but it’s worth it. It’s called a SACRIFICE for the things you love!
There’s a special place in hell for people who abandon animals.