Post # 1
I’ve been job hunting for several months and it has been very stressful. I’m also moving in with my FI and planning our wedding, both very fun things we’ve been looking forward to for years. We long-distance dated for a year and it was one of the hardest things we’ve done so we really value our time together.
I’ve been offered an interview doing something I’m interested in. The pay isn’t great, but it’s a job. The problem is that it is working the night shift. I would literally leave our apartment an hour before my FI gets home and I would get home an hour before he leaves for work. We would literally never get to see each other.
I haven’t told him about the interview because even just thinking about a schedule where we never get to see each other kills me. I feel awful about turning down an interview, but the thought of working a schdule like that makes me sick and miserable. There is no option for a day shift and they’re giving me the heads up because that is why they haven’t been able to fill the post.
Anyone work opposite shifts from their SO? How do you make it work? Any advice?
Post # 3
@renwoman: We only have Mondays and Tuesdays. He works double shifts Wed., Thurs., Sat. and Sun. I work 13 hours on Fri. So we really only have Mon. and Tues. It’s hard. Really hard. Other people see their SO Mon.-Fri. after work and all day Sat. and Sun. I’m so jealous. I wish we had that much time together. I already feel like I hardly see him and I don’t honestly think we could see each other less and stay together. How do you stay together when you can’t spend your lives together any time in the near future? Just my two cents. Yes it’s a job, but at what cost? Always sleeping alone? Seeing each other just one hour a day? I guess you could make it work if you really had to, but it would be really stressful on the relationship I think.
Post # 4
I really hate giving bumps, but I have to give a yes or no answer by midday today and could use any thoughts on the matter. I still haven’t told anyone that I got the interview offer.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2014 - A castle!
@renwoman: We have opposite schedules and it really stinks. We were long distance for 6 1/2 years before we moved in, so we thought that living together would change only seeing each other on the weekends… NOPE!
I get up at 7 or 8 am everyday, and that’s when FI goes to bed. I get home from work at 5 and FI has already left for work at like 3:30pm. He gets home from work at 1am or 2am and I spend all evenings by myself. I go to be around 11pm or midnight and he’s up while I’m sleeping. It sucks. I do not recommend it.
Post # 6
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@renwoman: Are you unemployed right now? Or are you just unhappy with your job?
If you’re unemployed, I would take it and keep applying for other jobs, just to bring in the income (and the health insurance benefits). If you already have a job, you may want to pass on this one and keep applying.
What industry do you work in? There are some industries where job-hopping is totally normal, and others where it can give you a bad rep – if you can describe the job more maybe I can give you some more advice.
Post # 7
@renwoman: Definitely I recommend that you talk to your partner and get his opinion because it is the only one that matters. My suggestion would be to take the job and gain some experience. You said you’ve had a frustrating search and now this position has come out. You will have the opportunity to interview for other jobs during the day and it really is true what they say – it’s easier to find a job when you have one already.
You guys have been long distance, so I think the transition wouldn’t be that challenging for you. My husband has been on shifts for awhile now and at first I was so worried and sad about the changes to our relationship. Honestly though, it’s been fine. I will say that he only has “bad” shifts once every 6 weeks and while it hasn’t been fun, it has been workable. It is only temporary in his case (and yours too) so I think you can definitely swing it.
However, I stand by what I first said – make the decision with your man. He may be entirely fine with it and happy that you’ve found something in your field to do. I’d do the interview either way because you get interview experience and it never hurts to have options. Just because they offer it to you doesn’t mean you have to take it, but at least you have the option to if you need to. Try to see the positives 🙂
Post # 8
@Mrs. Wallaby: +1. A job is a job. You have to do what you have to do but unless you have to sign a contract, no one says you have to stay forever. I wouldn’t turn down an interview if you have been hunting for months in this economy. You will just have to really enjoy the time you get together.
DH and I work basically opposite schedules. He has class in the morning and work in the evening and I am a regular 9-5er, 5 days a week. We take the days we get when we get them and look forward to his graduation, when, we too, will have the same schedule.
Post # 9
@Mrs. Wallaby: I’m unemployed, but when we move in together at the end of the month I’ll be able to move over to his health insurance. RIght now I’m picking up strings of short-term one-time gigs. I’m trained as a therapist, but since I can’t get licenced in that field I’ve been working general admin jobs. The job is doing organ donor consent counseling and would pay only slightly (a few hundred dollars more a month) more than I’m making now, the main difference being that it would be a steady paycheck (unlike my very fluctuating paychecks right now). I mean it’s a decent job, but I’m not really sure I see myself doing it as ‘the job’, esp. not doing the night shift and I’ve already been warned that there is no way I could put in my time on the night shift and then switch to the day shift. I don’t mind an occasional night shift, but every night and not seeing my FI at all just makes me sick to think about it.
Post # 10
It is a job. RIght now I think you should take what you can get. If something else comes a long great, but until then this is a regular paycheck. I did night shifts (7p-7a) for 2 years. It was tough to adjust to working nights, and being on a different schedule from my family. But you have to do what you have to do. This might even be a stepping stone to getting a different job, so I would at least take the interview.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
When my husband was job searching when we were engaged, he had a similar opportunity. He took the interview, got an offer… and turned it down. It wasn’t worth it to us. Not two weeks later, he had another interview and got another offer that paid more with normal hours. And he had been searching for about a year.
Good luck! I hope you find something suitable soon.
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2012 - Oak Tree Manor
@renwoman: In that case, I would probably take the job: I think that having a steady income would be less stressful than doing odd jobs, and it would give you a break from applying to jobs to focus on other things. Would you still be able to spend weekends (or the same days off) with your FI? Or are we talking 7 days a week?
A few months after we got married, DH started a new job working offshore on an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico. He works out there for 14 days, and comes home for 14 days. So I don’t see him for 2 weeks straight out of every month. I work a regular office job, 7-4 Monday through Friday, so even when he’s home, I only see him for a few hours in the evenings and on the weekends. It REALLY sucks but we’re starting to get more used to it. It really makes you appreciate every second you have together. For us, it’s the right thing because his job is allowing us to save up a lot of money (to help pay off the house, save money to have kids, etc.), but we both know he will only do it for 18 months to 2 years, and then he’ll need to find an office job (if his company doesn’t offer him one after that time). You’d be surprised how many people have alternative schedules – nurses and some doctors, operators of manufacturing facilities, all kinds of people work at night.
I don’t know a whole lot about your situation, though – if your FI brings home a hefty paycheck, then it may be better for you two if you decline the offer and keep looking for jobs that match his schedule. Or if you live in a large city with a healthy job market, you might want to keep applying for jobs until the right one comes along.
Post # 13
The Conclusion: My FI called to wish me a good morning and discuss some moving logistics, he sensed that something was bothering me and I told him about the interview. I don’t think I needed the phone to hear his reaction from nine miles away. He was very upset (to put it mildly) and said that while he couldn’t stop me from doing it he was really against it. He pointed out that his income alone enough for us to live on comfortably and that my income (after the move) will mainly be going to the house fund.
So I wanted to thank the boards opinions (esp. the one to talk with him about it). There are several other possibilities out there (they are just very slow in progressing) so I think I’m going to stick with the current temp jobs/job search plan.
Many thanks to all!