What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Would you demand a realistic timeline or just wait it out?
    I would demand a timeline! : (25 votes)
    40 %
    No way! Just wait it out! : (35 votes)
    56 %
    Other: explain below : (3 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @daffodil89:  He could always propose without a ring, or a token ring. And then you could be in charge ordering your custom ring.

    I would mention that to him and see if he proposes. If he does, great, if he doesn’t…then you may have to have a serious talk about how you’re on different pages and you may need to take a break.

    Post # 4
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee

    @daffodil89:  To be really honest (sorry if this comes off as rude, I don’t intend it to be), it doesn’t really seem like he cares about being engaged. You decided on a timeline and he has not kept it, nor made an effort to keep it. 

    If I were you, instead of pushing him, I would have a serious conversation about your future. Does he even want to be engaged? Are you waiting for something that is not going to happen? 

    Post # 5
    Member
    6964 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2015

    @daffodil89:  you have discussed a timeline and reminded him of the time needed for the custom. I would stay quiet until after Christmas. My SO “extended the timeline” from our original plan of this year to March if next year and didn’t appear to be saving for a ring. He proposed with a gorgeous ring on Thanksgiving. 

    It might not happen but give him space to surprise you. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @daffodil89:  Agree with PP! He could get a cheaper ring for the proposal and then you custom together 😉 If you reaaaaaaaally HAVE TO HAVE it this year, then tell him 😛

    Post # 7
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @daffodil89:  I also want to point out that guys can be dumb. My FI had no idea he’d have to propose any length of time before we actually wanted to get married, like he thought we could just throw something together in a month. And he also had no idea he’d have to order the ring and wait for it to come (we ordered online). Guys can be dense.

    Post # 9
    Member
    525 posts
    Busy bee

    @daffodil89:  Then I have to agree with PPs… he may just be dense on the subject! When I told my SO how long custom jobs take, he was totally shocked. Maybe a stand in ring is just what you need!

    Post # 12
    Member
    918 posts
    Busy bee

    PPs are saying that he hasn’t met your timeline, but it sounds like your timeline is the end of this year?  So he still has four weeks left.  He could have already purchased a ring without your knowledge and have it hidden away, or he could be planning on proposing without a ring and then having the two of you choose a ring together.

    I definitely wouldn’t push about a proposal until after your timeline has expired (i.e. January).  You gave him a deadline, so give him a chance to meet it – if he doesn’t, then you can sit him down and have a serious conversation about the future.

    ETA: Sorry, I just read your update about him wanting to have the real ring in hand when he proposes.  So either he already has the ring and is saying that he hasn’t in order to throw you off, or he’s hoping to be able to go out and buy a ring on the spot within the next few weeks.  Either way, I’d still give him until the end of December before you raise the topic again.

    Post # 13
    Member
    3394 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    @daffodil89:  So then, since that was one of his requirements I think you need to have a serious, sit-down talk. Calm, not argumentative, about how you’re feeling and where this relationship is going. Tell him exactly that his actions are not even with his words and it’s making you feel _______ way.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @daffodil89:  

    Agree with @JulietFoxtrot: maybe he just wants to surprise you. If New Years comes and goes then I’d recommend having a sit down talk with SO. Tell him exactly how you feel and let him tell you how he feels. Maybe there is something up with him you don’t know about.

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