What would you do?

posted 3 years ago in Rings
Post # 2
Member
1025 posts
Bumble bee

Where I’m from the ring is a gift in the anticipation if marriage so it is rightfully the property of the giver until the commitment of marriage has been completed. After we marry I can do whatever I want with it. If we broke up I wouldn’t want the ring unless I was keeping it for collateral reasons, or if the ring/stones belonged to my family. 

Post # 3
Hostess
11469 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

Considering he called off the wedding and she is nuts I highly doubt he will get the ring back. I kind of see it as a gift and if the gift giver changes his mind the gift reciever isn’t really obligated to give it back, although I know that some laws state the contrary.  Now if the couple mutually agrees to a different scenario then more power to them!

I was previously engaged, we had called off the wedding but it was a disaster and never was going to happen anyway. My ex-FI actually broke into my locked room (we were sharing a two bedroom and I was in the process of moving out) and went through my belongings and took back the ring. I was pissed about it considering the “theft” involved but I didn’t want the ring really so I just let it go and moved on with my life. Years later I found all the documentation including the certification, appraisal, payment information etc that he would have needed for that ring. Sucker!

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  Treejewel19.
Post # 4
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I don’t know about caselaw but in practice I think the accepted wisdom is that if she calls off the wedding, she gives it back, but if he calls it off, she keeps it. Engagement rings basically came about as an insurance policy against brides-to-be being dumped before the wedding, back when a broken engagement made you unmarriageable thereafter. If my fiance broke it off before the wedding I would definitely keep the ring.

  • This reply was modified 2 years, 8 months ago by  daisyfay.
Post # 6
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  OK…so this might sound strange, but I think it would honestly depend on the situation.

Did he break up with me because of something I did?  Is he breaking up with me because it’s just not working out for either of us?  Then yes, I’d give the ring back, no questions asked.

Did he cheat on me?  Did he lie to me?  Is he leaving me for another woman, even though I have been a good FI to the best of my knowledge/being?  Then, I might keep the ring.  Not because I want the ring itself– and not because I think I am going to get a ton of money for it— I know I wouldn’t.  But if the man did something to hurt me, I think keeping the ring might give me a little nudge of self-satisfaction/pawn money for retail therapy.

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
5017 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Mrs.Sawyertobe:  I would give it back. UNLESS – he did something awful like cheat on me, etc. Then I’d sell that bitch (obviously depending on state law, etc. lol)

Post # 9
Member
48 posts
Newbee

After my ex-FI told told me he was already married, two months before our wedding date, I mailed the ring back to him along with his mother’s china.  Not sure if any of it made it back to him or in what condition — frankly I don’t care. 

Post # 10
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I looked into this a while ago out of curiosity. As far as I can tell here in the UK if the man breaks off the engagement you are entitled to keep the ring. If the engagement however is called off by the woman or by something the woman did wrong (cheating, fraud, domestic abuse whatever !!) then the ring legally should be given back to the guy. If the guy gets cold feet and calls it off and you haven’t done anything wrong or he cheats on you and you break it off you get to keep the ring as payment.

Post # 11
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

CapitolBee:  good on you for not caring! hope the china broke.

Post # 12
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I think it depends on a lot of factors. If he paid for the ring himself I feel like he owns the ring, she’s just wearing it, therefore it belongs to him.  If she paid for 50% or more then I feel like she owns 100% since he “gifted” her with the money to buy the other >50% (questionable I know but it seems more reasonable that she should keep it).  If she paid for part of it >50% then I feel like he owns it since he paid for most of it and she needs to cut her losses since she “gifted” him with the other >50% he needed to buy it in the first place.  

Basically whomever paid for 50% or more owns it in my opinion.   

Post # 13
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsEME:  I side with you. See my post above. If things are amicable and he didn’t do the dirty or break your heart you might be inclined to give it back. If he did then I think legally you get to keep it… and then cash it in and go shopping!!!

Post # 14
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

MrsTywinLannister:  If he paid for it but gave it to her as part of an engagement it is considered a gift and part of a contract by law. At least that’s how it’d work for us. If he breaks the contract to get married, he can’t take back the gift despite he paid for it. Man this is depressing me this subject

Post # 15
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

I’ve always heard that if the guy breaks it off the girl keeps the ring. But if the girl breaks it off she gives it back. i would never keep the ring though, even if he was the one to break it off.

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