Post # 1
My fiancee and I are planning a June wedding for this year. Yes, very little time to plan, but it’s necessary due to the new insurance law. We were going to get married anyway, it just had to be moved up. We’re also planning on a small wedding due to keeping costs down because we’re planning on purchasing a house in about six months.
Here’s the scene: we’re getting married at the courthouse, I’ve bought an actual (simple) wedding dress and while the fiancee is dressing up with tie, dress shirt, etc, he’s not wearing a tux. So, it’s a semi formal event. The only people we had planned on inviting were two witnesses, which are necessary. Now on to the problem.
His parents. He’s torn about whether we should invite them or not. In a nutshell, they are unpleasant people. They’re controlling, self centered people who try to make every event about them. They sulk if they can’t have their way and generally make any trip/visit with them miserable. His father is an alcoholic who turns into a real pr**k when he drinks and has a fit if we tell him to not drink at our house (we’re both nondrinkers). In all honesty, they’d make our “happy day” incredibly miserable (probably on purpose).
But, he is an only child and knows that if they aren’t invited, he’ll never live it down. His parents are big on guilt trips too.
My father died a couple of years ago and my mother is unable to travel (we live across the country from both of our families), so I’m asking my brother to stand with me (haven’t yet). The fiancee has asked his best friend to stand up for him. So, if my brother can come, we’d have our necessary two witnesses, so we wouldn’t need his parents there. But now he’s having second thoughts.
I don’t want them here because they only cause unneeded stress every time they visit, which I really don’t need on my wedding day. And they are the, “darned if you do, darned if you don’t” kind of people that you never can satisfy. The fiancee feels the same but is feeling guilty now.
What would you do?
Post # 2
I wouldn’t invite them.
They’ve shown how they are. There’s no sense in inviting people like that to such an important event, even if they are his parents.
Post # 3
Rhopalocera: That’s how we both feel. His parents, on the other hand, see nothing wrong with the way they act. I’m not sure how they don’t realize that the way they act has lost them a lot of friends. They’re the type to just show up at our door unannounced, then get mad when we aren’t home or have other plans. Yes, they’ve done that countless times. Moving across the country has hampered that, but we have a bad feeling they’re about to try it again. It’s all from an unrelated conversation/email that we got last week. 🙁
Post # 4
Moneyfoot: I know this sounds like a cop out, but I would let him decide and 100% support him either way; because they are his parents.
If you’re looking for advice on what to advise him: I would invite them, unless he intends to cut all ties with them. By the sound of it they are unpleasant, but not so unpleasant that he never wants to see them again. So, given that he wants to continue some sort of relationship with them, my advice is to invite them. To do otherwise would make a bad relationship worse.
Post # 5
aussiemum1248: I told him that it was his choice because it is his parents. That’s what we do with all family issues we have. I deal with my family, he deals with his. It’s fair and no one can blame the non-related spouse for butting in. And, if he wants to invite them, I’ll deal with it like I do when they insist on visiting. I hold my tongue and try to not explode. 😉 He knows I’ll support him (I told him).
I forgot to mention in the original post that the small “reception” will be at our house. I’ll be making the dinner and cake (prior to the wedding day). So, there is no DJ or anything like that. I’d also like to add that we are fully paying for the wedding. So, it’s not like we’re taking their money and not inviting them. Just wanted to let everyone know so there is no confusion. 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: June 2014 - TTC #2
WWID? I’d not invite the parents and invite your brother asap as a June wedding is getting to be very near (I’m a June bride too!)
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2014 - San Francisco, CA
Surround yourself with the people who love and support you on your wedding day. “Pr**cks” need not be there, even if the universe cursed you by binding you with blood. A toxic person who is a family member is still toxic, and you are under no obligation to give them that kind of prominent honor in your life.