What would you do? Groom v. Best Man issues

posted 2 years ago in Grooms/men
Post # 2
Member
8425 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

AirLaw:  Honestly, it seems like your SO’s friend is putting his bachelor party before the friendship.  Your SO needs to explain to the groom that his ideas simply aren’t feasible unless the groom is willing to chip in financially.  If he really is your SO’s best friend, he should want to help and accommodate his friend.  Sorry you’re having to deal with this (the purchased tux thing is just ridiculous).

Post # 3
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

Wow, thats insane! It sounds like the groom really wants to plan his own huge extravagant party. I think what I would do in this instance (although I’m a woman and I know we communicate differently than men) is sit my friend down and say “I have budgeted X amount of money for your wedding, I realize thats not as much as you would like me have budgeted, but its all I can afford. You have a lot of plans for this money, so i need you to help me allocate it in a way that you can be happy with”. If the groom sees it in black & white that he really cant afford the huge bachelor party, and tux PURCHASE… he might realign his expectations, or pitch in some of his own money. Thats the only thing I can think of, but I’m sorry that’s going on, it must be really frustrating!

Post # 4
Member
4819 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

AirLaw:  Personally if it were me, I’d bow out. If someone were asking me to spend all that money, I couldn’t do it either. And it seems like the groom isn’t getting it or doesn’t care.

Post # 6
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

AirLaw:  I would speak to him more bluntly, and actually tell him he’s being selfish and out of order; and if he gets funny about it, so what? He’s acting like a spoilt ass. Your OH has tried gently and tactfully explaining the situation to no avail, so it strikes me a change of tactic might be in order. But, that’s just me.

FWIW, my OH is best man in his friend’s wedding next year and there was talk of going to Vegas for 4-5 nights for the stag do. Now, we live in the UK: flights and accommodation cost from £900-1000 ($1450-1600) then they way they spend money (plus this guy wanted to do stuff like a helicopter ride etc) they’d realistically need at least another $800 on top. So my OH shut that one down straight off the bat; he’s fine with going to Europe (which still won’t come cheap; but then, his wasn’t cheap either), but he couldn’t justify $2200+ to go to Vegas, especially when another of their circle is getting married 3 months later. But, it was an awkward situation, so I feel your OH’s pain; some people have very unrealistic expectations.

Post # 7
Member
5421 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

AirLaw: Also, the tux thing is ridiculous. I will refrain from commenting on the members of their bridal party buying thier own attire as it isn’t the done thing here and was something new to me on visiting this website, and I know it’s the norm in many places. But to insist that your BP purhcase/hire their own outfits is enough; to then insist that they spend hundreds of $ on a tux is freakin’ ridiculous. I’ve never heard so much nonsense.

If this guy is well-off, he should pony up the dough for their outfits. If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t get to insist that they buy a suit to wear once to his wedding… Yeesh!  

Post # 9
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Your SO should say, “Look, I simply can’t afford all of this so either work within the parameters of my budget or I’ll have to step down.”

Post # 10
Member
42522 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

AirLaw:  I suggest it is time for your SO to be more assertive. ” If you insist on an expensive bachelor party and my purchasing a tuxedo as a condition of being in the wedding party, I will have to step down. Let me make it clear. I have no intention of buying a tuxedo nor bankrupting myself for your or anyone else’s bachelor party. Let me know your decision.”

Post # 12
Member
1634 posts
Bumble bee

 

AirLaw:  If they’re at an impass, something has to give and it might have to be your SO. As much as it would be horrible to have to step down and alter a friendship by doing so, what other choice does he have? He cant pull money out of his butt, and his friend isnt listening to him. He’s going to have to be completely 100% frank with him, tell him exactly how much he can afford on the wedding and let his friend decide if hes able to:<br />a) work within the confines of your SO’s budget<br />b) kick in the extra funds required for his big elaborate plans<br />c) live without your SO in the party

Realistically, those are the only options unless your SO is will to take out a loan in order to afford his friends wedding… which i hope to GOD he’s not willing to do!

Post # 14
Member
1801 posts
Buzzing bee

Unless youre Tom Selleck, you rent-not buy-a tux. Dude, I feel for the SO so much. If the groom doesnt back down on any money issues or starts to chip in, Id tell him 100% bow out. Now while he still has the chance

Post # 15
Member
212 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

If I was told to buy something so incredibly out of my price range that I could have spent that money to go on vacation and my “friend” refuses to negotiate about the cost and knows I can’t afford it, I would bow out.  All that money is not worth it!  The groom shouldn’t have too much input on his own bachelor party, that’s crazy.  If he wants it to be so specific then he should just throw one for himself!  He sounds like a groomzilla!!

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