- 3 years ago
SO is facing a dilemma and we don’t really know who to bounce this off of, so im looking to you for your 2 cents.
My SO is the best man to his best friend, the groom. SO happily accepted the best man position and was very honored. SO budgeted what he thought was an acceptable amount for the bachelor party, traveling/plane tickets, the tux rental, and a gift. Well, shortly after choosing him as best man several months ago, the groom began asking SO on a weekly basis to plan the bachelor party. The groom’s wedding is not until winter of this year. As months have passed the groom has been progressively pushier about this. He wants to know every detail of the party and plan his own party. His plans have been extremely over the top for SO’s budget (think the Hangover movie and Vegas–we live nowhere near Nevada). SO makes way, way less than groom, which might be causing the issues. When SO explains that he can’t afford some of the very detailed and very expensive across the country party ideas, groom says he understands, but continues to push his event ideas.
Fast forward, the bachelor party planning is underway. I’m completely baffled as to why the bachelor party needed to be planned so early, but maybe I dont understand. But months of talking to groom on a weekly basis about the party and compromising on the groom’s vision has completely worn SO down. The groom and SO have now compromised on the amount of time, activities, number of out of state venues, etc., but SO is very upset by the situation because groom is adamant about his ideas, but doesn’t offer any money to finance them. SO has put the brakes on for so many things, explaining he doesn’t have the budget (he has explained this for several months) and SO can’t miss work for that amount of time, and although groom finally accepted it, the unspoken tension is very apparent.
Also, groom has told all of his groomsmen they must PURCHASE, not rent, the tux. SO let him know that that is completely out of his budget because he is already financing the bachelor, and has to fly in for the multiple events, but groom wouldn’t have it and said that this tux can only be purchased. SO doesn’t know if the other groomsmen have pushed back or not. This issue has not been resolved between them yet.
Sorry about the long story, but SO doesn’t know what to do. SO has been a groomsman plenty of times in the past and never once has such an issue come up–in the weddings he has participated in, everyone simply rents a matching tux and throws the groom a much more scaled down, 1 night party that wouldn’t cost more than several hundred dollars. He doesn’t want to lose his best friend but I think these are extrordinary demands to make of a person in your wedding party who simply doesn’t have the means. Additionally, I would have never expected this from the groom, he has never acted like this before. Please Help!