What would you do?

posted 2 years ago in Married Life
Post # 2
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Yikes. Depends on how well you get along I guess, but even then it could get tricky. Noise, intrusion, babysitting even! I don’t have any advice here but just wanted you to know I would be concerned too. I could live next to my BIL but that’s 2 sets you have there, and with a baby on the way the IL’s will be there all the time too. 

Post # 3
Member
870 posts
Busy bee

Also the new boyfriend, what’s he like? 

Post # 4
Member
4797 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

crysxo:  Oh no! I know it doesn’t help, but I don’t think I would’ve even bought the property because you just never know what’s going to happen. And then something happened! That’s just toooo close. If you sell and buy elsewhere would they understand??

Post # 5
Member
6000 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

Maybe I’m just way more family oriented than most, but I don’t really see the problem. If they aren’t overly intrusive people I would think it would be great to live so close to family. Are they the type to just waltz on over any time of the day?

Post # 8
Member
1473 posts
Bumble bee

I guess I don’t really understand… why is it okay to live by one sister and not both? Is it because the whole family is pretty much on the block now?

I think your only option is to move yourself or stay there and make the best of it. You can’t tell her you don’t want her living there when you asked to live next to the other SIL.

Post # 9
Member
3828 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

it really depends on the family. I life 5 minutes from my parents and still see my ILs more just because they are more…family oriented. 

I could live next to my siblings because i know they would mind their own business. Put me next to my BIL and i would hang myself. 

If you guys decide to sell and move it HAS to come as your husbands decision. If it comes from you they will resent you.

I totally get wanting your own space.

Post # 11
Member
314 posts
Helper bee

I think you were silly to think they’d never build on the property, of course they wanted to make it a family culdesac- I saw this problem coming from a mile away!

Post # 12
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee

It really boils down to how much family-closeness and time spent together you can take.  If I were in your shoes, there is no way in hell I would be able to handle THAT much shared space with my in-laws.  But you might be different. 

If you’re honest with yourself and find that this is not a situation you would be able to handle, then I suggest you pull out of the property ASAP and look for a different place.  If you wait to do that AFTER your home is built and the younger SIL moves into the middle property, more than likely, your in-laws will definitely take offense and feel like you do not want to spend time with them.

Post # 13
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

I would just test the waters. You haven’t started building anything right? They bought the property and they can build on it for whomever they want.

If you live next to SILs for a little while and decided it’s too much, you can move and build elsewhere. If it turns out you really enjoy living so close then build!

Post # 14
Member
6000 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

 

crysxo:  ok I gotcha. I can see how you’d be worried about that but I’m sure they’ll understand if you don’t want to be over their houses every night and that you want to just be home with your husband and enjoying your time together. It sounds like they’re very nice and understanding. Besides, you’ll definitely want to spend time enjoying your new house!

Post # 15
Member
1244 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Of course the ILS were going to build on that property. And of course they have visions of one big happy family dropping into each others’ houses all throughout the day.

Now, you could find another property to buy. You could also just keep the property, build your home, and grow a backbone so you don’t feel compelled to play nice and be at the mercy of the family.

No one could make me feel bad for setting boundaries in my own home. You don’t want people over all day every day, so don’t allow it. You don’t want to go over to their houses all the time, so don’t. Simple.

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