Post # 1
There are often posts here by bees who are surprised with a ring from their SO that they did not help pick, and do not like. I know that there are many opinions on how to handle such situations, but now I am curious about what you think about being on the other side of it?
DH has lost like 3 rings in the last 7 years, he doesn’t really like to wear rings but does want to have one. I decided to purchase a new one for him, one that I thought he would like as he is not crazy about the one he has now. I came across these tungsten rings with wood inlay and thought they were so cool. I think this style is very handsome and unique without being OTT. He also loves tungsten so I figured it would be perfect.
He hates it. He says it looks like wood paneling from an outdated basement. I was upset that he didn’t like it, but I tried not to show it. I put it in the box and told him I would send it back and we could look for something else. He asked me why I chose it and I told him. He realized that I had put thought into it, and that I really thought he would love it so he took it out of the box and back on his finger. He said that having something that I picked for him was more important than having something he liked.
Now, I don’t really know what to do. He doesn’t like it, but he also said he didn’t want to send it back, though he obviously said that just to make me feel better. Would you be OK with your SO wearing a ring they did not like? Or, would you press the issue and exchange it knowing that he has already decided to wear the ring, because it was a sweet surprise from you?
This is the ring, for reference. I think it is so nice looking.
Post # 2
mrsmay07: awww thats sad! it was nice of you to pick it. it would probably depend on the cost. a $50 ring he wasnt thrilled with but would wear sometimes? sure, keep it. a $350 ring he said looks like 80’s wood paneling? no – back it goes!
Post # 3
My FI loves those wood rings. (He is a woodworker, so I think he appreciates that the style would be a reflection of some part of his personality). I think it works out best to show your man lots of options on rings and let him pick the one he wants. For my FIs band, I just put together a list of ones I liked for him to pick from. He’s not a jewelry guy, so he appreciates me making this easy 🙂 If your DH wants to keep it, I wouldn’t try and get him to return it. Sometimes a piece grows on someone and they end up liking it a lot even if they didn’t pick it out themselves.
Post # 4
wrkbrk: +1 I think like you do!
Post # 6
Send it back if you can. If he got you a ring you didn’t care for, even if you loved the sentiment, you would secretly hope he would send it back and look for a ring that was more your style. The sentiment is already built in, because it shows that you care more about what he wants than asking him to wear something he doesn’t like.
Both of you were very sweet and your intentions were really good.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t want him wearing a ring he didn’t like just to please me, I would want him to tell me and either show me what he wants or go out together and find one both of us like.
Post # 8
wrkbrk: <~What she said. +1
My DH is on his 5th ring….yup 5th. After #2 went MIA I started buying him the $15 tungsten ones from EBay. They are surprisingly great quality! I’d send back the wood ring and have him pick one (or more) that he likes!
Post # 9
mrsmay07: I’d be sending that ring back and having him pick one he likes. I’d want that same respect for me, had the shoes been reversed. The sentiment won’t be taken away, it’ll still be there, even when he gets the new ring. That was very nice you thought of him in that ring, it seems that he also notices that. Just let him know it is okay to return that ring and find a new one (if that’s what you decide to do).
Post # 10
mrsmay07: my hubby has that same ring. The wood is a little lighter. He loves it!! If your hubby doesn’t I just exchange it.
Post # 11
I really don’t get the wood in lay rings I’m with your hubby on this one they remind me of those old wood in lay station wagons from the 60/70s! Lol I would go with a silver or black tungsten ring for $25
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Cape May
A+ for putting thought and sentiment into his ring. I believe he genuinely wants to wear his ring now that you explained why you picked it. With that said, I’d exchange it and ask him to help point me in the right direction. I would rather him be happy with the ring than try to save my ego.
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
I would exchange it for something he likes.
Post # 14
mrsmay07: Hmm it’s is a bit one sided really, women should love their rings but men can feel however they want! I guess because women’s rings are sometimes much more expensive and a proposal comes with it. If it was $50, keep it until he loses it. If it was $400, send it back. Make him choose his own ring, don’t go guessing again.
Post # 15
mrsmay07: This is a hard one. I know a ring is a little easier to return– but here’s another example:
My husband and I have always shared cars from the start. The car that I brought into the relationship had to be replaced in January, so I picked out a new car- he was totally cool with it and on board- it’s not the car he would have choosen for himself.
Fast forward to April- the truck he brought into the relationship needed to be replaced. So while he wanted another truck, we didn’t want to spend that much right now for a four door truck. So he choose a car he liked.
Long story short, I started to hate my car. There’s nothing “wrong” with it– there were just things that bugged me about it. So my husband made the car he choose the main car that I drove– and took “my” car– because he’s a sweetheart like that.
I know for a fact he’d rather drive the car he choose, but he’s so damn sweet that he insists I drive it. And while I felt guilty at first, I realized it’s truly what he wants, and it’s not like he’s driving a crappy car– and he isn’t “bothered” by the car I choose– it’s simply not a car he would have choosen if purchasing one.
So I do believe that if your husband put the ring on his finger, he wants to wear it– and the reason I think this? He was totally OK with voicing his opinion about the ring in the first place– which means he’s comfortable sharing his feelings with you. I’m sure if he truly didn’t want to wear the ring, he would have sweetly thanked you for your thoghfulness and asked that you pick a ring out together.
He had the option of sending it back and HE choose to keep it– so roll with it! He’ll speak up if he doesn’t like it.
I tottally believe that when there’s meaning behind something, something you once thought “unattractive”, so to speak, becomes special, attractive and meaningful.