Post # 1
I am in a slight prediciment.
I’ve been with my FI for almost 10 years. We’ve been engaged for almost 8 years. We finally decided to get married, like set a date and everything. We are trying the knot on our 10 year anniversay which is in February. Woot! Right?
The problem lies in that FI’s sister is getting married the same year, in September. She’s asked me to be a bridesmaid. Which I didn’t have a problem with until I found out that she thinks I’m ruining her wedding by getting married in the same year. Actually, her exact words to her mother (my furture MIL) was that I was “selfish and didn’t consider the fact that 2015 is HER year.” Yes she picked her date first, but she also keeps changing it. And my date is sentimental in that we got engaged on our anniversary and my FI really wants to get married on it. We are doing a private ceremony for close family.. and will have a celebration later on (mostly for my family. FI is is inviting maybe 20 family members.)
We haven’t gone over all the details yet, but I’m assuming she is expecting me to pay around $1000 when everything is all said and done for my “bridesmaid duties.” I am paying for my own dress, shoes, hair, makeup, nails. I’am supposed to contribute finacially to her bridal shower, makes gift baskets for it, and help with favors…she wants an all day/all night bachelorette party… She wants me to drive all her other bridesmaids around to appointments and such because I have a bigger and more relaible car. Etc.
Am I being unreasonable in that I’m upset that she expects all this from me when she said that I was “ruining her year?” I mean, she hasn’t even acknowleged the fact that I’m getting married myself in a couple of months. No congratulations or anything.
What are your opinions? Should I say something to her? Just keep it to myself? What would you do?
Post # 2
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
I would keep my wedding date. She sounds young and immature. Sorry, but no one gets a whole wedding YEAR. You are different people with different dates and different styles. Move forward with yours.
On the other part of her expectations, you need to put her in check quickly and nip that in the bud. That’s WAYYYY too much to expect of anyone to do. You decide how much you want to do and tell her specifically, I will do “this” but sorry I will be unable to do “that”, etc.
Post # 3
Stephanie8904: She gets one day, not a week, not a month and certainly not a year. You should not have to stop living your life because she is getting married! I wouldn’t confront her directly about the “runing my year” thing unless she says something to you about it, just for the sake of avoiding unnecessary drama. If she does make a comment about it to you however, I would just explain to her that you are getting married on a date sentimental to you and your FI and that it is beyond unreasonable to expect the world to stop for an ENTIRE YEAR because she is getting married! She sounds like a major bridezilla!
As for her expectations of you as a BM, I would be very clear about what you can reasonable do/spend and tell her if she requires more from you then you will have to step down as a bridesmaid. That way you arent the “awful woman who stole my year and decided to quit as my bridesmaid because she was too focused on her own wedding”. It’ll be her decision to remove you from the wedding party if she feels you can’t meet her (ridiculous) expectations.
Post # 4
Say nothing. Keep to your plans.
Post # 5
Your weddings are more than 6 months apart- she is being ridiculous.
Post # 6
Stephanie8904: Okay first of all, she doesn’t get the whole year. And no you’re not being unreasonable. We are getting married this December and my FSIL has decided she is now getting married in November (yup in 2 months). Of course we were hurt and upset (probably where she is coming from) but my FIL is also getting married in October (we set our dates about the same time, this didn’t bother us). You could tell your FSIL and FMIL that you may have to scale back your involvement with her wedding due to the fact that you are having yours the same year and earlier.
Post # 7
I would try very, very hard not to roll my eyes. Other than that, I would have my wedding as planned and tolerate her idiocy with a sense of humor as best as I could solely for my FH’s sake. Just being honest.
Post # 8
1. Keep your February wedding date, she needs to grow up.
2. Spend only what you are comfortable spending and no more, just say no.
Post # 9
I would do/say nothing. If your FMIL says something, have your fiance discuss it with her. She doesn’t own the year.
I also would not be putting in as much effort as she’s requesting. She seems very entitled.
Post # 10
MrsTtoB: She’s actually 4 years older than I am. I’m 27.
Thank you all for your responses. I will avoid bringing up the wedding issues, but express concerns over the expectations she has for her bridesmaids.
Post # 11
Stephanie8904: is she a child bride because she sounds like a 5 year old. god.
i would say nothing to her and keep your date. honestly, she gets a whole year? um, no. you’ll be done with wedding related stuff of your own 2 months in…surely she will survive.
if your FSIL or FMIL do say anything further to you, your FI needs to step in and stand up for your date. assure this nut-job that you can have your ceremony in february without taking anything away from her date, and without hindering you from being her BM!
Post # 12
She sounds childish. I would stick to your date
Post # 13
- Wedding: November 2014 - 11/15/14-Vineyard
Stephanie8904: lol..ok so I take back the young part but will keep the immature.
I agree..total bridezillish behaviour. Ignore her comments best you can but definitely address that you will NOT be doing all she expects and you tell HER what you will and will not do. You have to be crystal clear with people like that that expect it.
Post # 14
- Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base
Stick to your plans. Did she expect everything from you after you said you were getting married in February? If so, back out gracefully.
I think any bride deserves a whole entire WEEK! A lot needs to be done that week. I’m planning my week. Haha
No way to any longer. Heck no to a full year.
Post # 15
angyjaxon: Yes, she still expects all that I mentioned. She told me that I knew weddings were expensive when I accepted and that I shouldn’t have if I couldn’t afford everything. She thinks I’m being a debbie downer by asking that we set a realistic budget for what the bridesmaids are going to spend.
She is palnning tons of get togethers for all her bridesmaids starting this weekend because she is spreading all her decoration making and what not over the entire year so that the cost of everything is spread out. We are supposed to go dress shopping and start making favors.