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THAT'S your favorite aunt? What are the rest like? Seriously, No way. It's your wedding; don't cave to blackmail.
The gall! Yeow! That's so incredibly rude of your aunt. I'm speechless.
I'm sorry your aunt treated you that way, and she is probably more upset over the fact that she's always wanted you and her daughter to be closer than you are in reality.
DON'T dwell on it. It will only make things worse.
I'd write a letter to my aunt and tell her that you are disappointed with her decision, that she'll be missed, and to let you know if she changes her mind about attending.
I know its hard not to worry about it, but you need to enjoy your day!!! I dont understand why your favorite aunt would do that to you. Did she think you were going to ask her daughter to be a bridesmaid? Either way, that is your decision and completely uncalled for her to boycott your wedding because her daughter isnt a part of it. Im sorry you have to deal with this, but I would not make her a bridesmaid if you dont want her to be.
how old is the aunts daughter (which makes her your cousin right?) either way, your aunt is being BEYOND RUDE and demanding and thats not fair to you. i would do nothing and def would not invite her daugther to be part of the bridal party. keep her on the yes list because i wouldnt be surprised if she showed up after she realizes her demands were ignored
goodluck - this is such a wrong thing to be done to you
First, your wedding is 2 months away. This is the first you're hearing that she's upset? I mean what could you really do now anyway?
So do you know if the cousin is upset? Are you close to her? If she's your favorite aunt, is there something else going on? Because it sounds like either she's not that super, or taking advantage of your relationship.
Ultimately, I don't think I'd back down to her. I might talk to the cousin, to smooth things over if she's feeling hurt. Or if the cousin isn't feeling hurt, see if she can help sort out why her mom is lashing out.
Good luck.
Thanks for all the feedback ladies.
ELOPING-She is 40 and her daughter is 20.
Tanya123-According to my sister she mentioned to her two months ago that she wasnt coming. My sister said she didnt have the heart to tell me b/c she knew I would be upset. I made my cousin a hostess but my aunt said that was degrading to her daughter.
I know and my fiance loves her to death. He asked me if should make my cousin a bridesmaid. I told him NO!! He said he really wished she would come. I agree ladies I cant dwell on it and maybe she will change her mind. If not I will enjoy my day either way.
Good for you!!! She will be the one regretting that she didnt attend.
trying to see what the aunts problem is... do you have bm's and if yes how many and are they family related?
"ELOPING"!!! You're funny. I have 6 bridesmaids- two sisters, one best friend, and three cousins. She has a problem with one of the cousins that I choose as a bridesmaid. She made really nasty comments about her. It has always been a competition between her daughter and this particular cousin.
I really wish that weddings could be drama-free, but alas, it is so sad that it can't be that way!
It is so disheartening that someone (a family member no less!) would bow out of attending your wedding because of one detail. I would try not to lose sleep over it, because it is your day, and as much as I hate to say it...if she would be there with a negative attitude, perhaps its better that she isn't bringing down the event. Hopefully she'll see the light and realize that it is your wedding, and that you weren't purposely trying to hurt her feelings. There is no way that you could please everyone...for heaven's sake, if we did that, you'd have 20 bridesmaids!
you're right"katiebug3017" we cant have 20 bridesmaids b/c no one would be in the audience. the position of hostess isnt good enough for her. That's what my father( my aunt's brother said" I cant please everyone. He said it was my day. I love him so much.
Well, a couple of questions. So you have a favorite aunt. Her daughter isn't a bridesmaid, but you have three other cousins that are BMs? Are they all cousins from the same side of the family? How close in age are the cousins you chose over the one you didn't? How much closer are you to these three cousins, over this other cousin? Do you have many cousins? Did your mom think this could be a problem?
I could see this potentially being a situation like if you ask one you need to ask them all. (I'm not sure how your cousin situation plays out. But like if you have four friends from high school and you were all a group, you couldn't just ask one to be in the wedding. It's kind of all or nothing. At least that's how I look at it.) So if the cousins were on some sort of even playing field, I guess I could see why someone would be hurt.
Although, I will say that your aunt making ulitmatums abou it, is not in good taste. I mean how good could it possibly feel for her or her daughter, if you had her as a BM, just beause you were bullied? I really don't think anyone would feel any better about it.
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I think that this is the toughest situation and one of the biggest stressors for brides. I don't think guys go through as much stress about groomsmen as we do bridesmaids.
In the end you have to do what's right for you. It is not your aunt's or your cousin's wedding, it's your wedding. And while family is taken into consideration I feel like you did that by asking her to be a hostess.
When talking with your aunt I wouldn't ever utter the words, "I'm sorry" about it. Because you shouldn't. No one has the right to make you feel bad about your decisions, as long as they are thought out and what you and your fiance want.
Good luck! Keep us posted...
You absolutely can't please everyone - but it's a shame that she is putting you in this situation! Best of luck to you...
i have a huge family and it is full of FEMALES. The three cousins are 29,27, and 20. Yes they are all on my mother's side. I havent told my mother b/c it would be HUGE DEAL. I tried my best to include everyone and it seems that it isnt enough. The cousin that I didnt ask is 20 yrs old as well.
SweetLemon- I agree, its about me and my fiance. I really dont have much to say to her right now. She even has my grandmohther upset about it. Its just really petty and unncessary. life is too short.
Your aunt is definitely in the wrong, here. Definitely glad that you decided to hold your ground!
I think it's really unfair that your aunt is putting you in this situation. Yes, I'm sure her feelings may be hurt that your cousin isn't a BM, but ultimately, she's acting like kind of a brat by not coming to the wedding because of it. At this point, I think the only thing you can do is just let her throw her tantrum and continue with your plans as they are. I bet she'll regret her decision if she decides not to attend the wedding.
Good point Jessie516 - I am sure that she would regret her decision after the fact if she misses out on such a wonderful day of yours!
I'm sorry that happened to you! I'll just echo what everyone else on here is saying and tell you to try your best to enjoy your day! I don't even think it should be a big deal that you asked 3 cousins and not one. There is no rule that states you're obligated to ask someone to be in your bridal party. I think the only one really losing out here is your Aunt. She will come to regret her decision to not attend.
thanks ladies and that is the decision that I have come up with. She will lose out in the end!! Im enjoying my day with or without her!!
I think you should completely disregard her comment. It was definitely off-the-wall and completely uncalled for. It is not her decision who is/isn't in the wedding, so I'm not sure why she thought it was ok to say that??
The decision of the wedding party members is only for the bride & groom to make. No one else!
Is your AUnt 5 yrs old? Obviously your immature cousin threw a fit and demanded that her mom not go and your aunt caved. Just call her back and say:
"hey Aunt-No BackBone, I was really upset last night, bc I was shocked at how you treated me, however after careful consideration I have come to the conclusion that if you're going to be this pety you really do not need to be at my wedding. Say hello to everyone, I ll send you some pics, I gotta go"
period. and then wait for her to come back to you and apologize
Wait, why did you choose three other cousins, but not her? I m just curious... lol
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I am getting married Sept 4 and I have a problem. My favorite aunt called me last night and said that she would not be attending the wedding b/c her daughter isnt a bridesmaids. I was totally upset and cried really bad. I made her hostess but my aunt said that wasnt good enough. What would you do? Should I not worry about it and enjoy my day? I cant believe she is being so petty.