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Why are you having to forbid him to talk to her? If he loves and respects you, he should just tell her to bugger off. Friends respect boundaries.
Agreed, he needs to address her himself and say it's not appropriate or welcome behavior. That he enjoys her friendship but he's in a wonderful relationship and isn't looking for a flirty friend. Until it comes to her from him she's going to manipulate it to sound like you're controlling him. Have him make it clear that you're not controlling him, but that he also finds it inappropriate and unwelcome behavior.
He has the thought to never cut ties with anyone, since you never know when you may need them later on in life for a job interview or something. I kept saying he needed to say something, all the while I had told her to leave him alone, and he was either ignoring her calls, or talking like nothing was wrong. So I told him to either confront her about it, that he should respect me and his friends should as well (I even said they don't have to like me, but they do have to respect me) or to cut his ties. So he cut them.
She wrote him recently, but he wrote back saying "I don't like you and I think you stink". lol childish, but it worked. :)
Well, from the sounds of it, you were reading his email, and you then responded to email addressed to him. You said their friendship was important to you, and you said he can't talk to her anymore, then you told her that you said he can't talk to her anymore... I'd say you overreacted. HE needs to be the one to tell her that it's inappropriate. I'm not saying I can't understand why you did this, but think about it... if she's just hearing from you, I can understand exactly why she reacted like she did.
Long story short, I had a similar problem with an ex of my FI. They had been in casual contact after breaking up - running into each other here and there, a simple Hi and catchup convo. Then we got engaged and she decided she wanted him back (after 5 years?). Anyway - it got to the point that I just wasn't comfortable with my FI talking to her - ever - phone, facebook, etc and explained to him how it was hurting me and causing unnecessary stress onto our relationship. I didn't forbide him, I left it to him to make the decision. Obviously I'm more important to him than trying to keep a friendship with her, so he deleted her from his life (and even had to have her number blocked).
forbade? i think this is going to backfire. you cant forbid an adult from anything. now he will just sneek and lie. he has to decide that he no longer wants a relationship with this girl - friendship or otherwise. you need to stop talking to her and start talking to him. she doesnt have to like you, respect you, tolerate you. you are not her friend. now if her friend tells her she needs to show some respect or the friendship is over, she might be willing to back off.
I've posted this before but I think it bares repeating. Our rule for ex's and opposite sex friends is always "Would I say or do this in my spouses presence?" If the answer is no, or we feel the need to hide anything, then we have a reason to talk.
It sounds like there is some serious trust issues on the table. Reading someone else's email is really tempting, but also really not okay. It is also completely ineffective since people who want to cheat are careful and tricky about communicating. If you aren't comfortable about him having this friend he should respect that. However it isn't your place to engage with her, through emails or otherwise. It is his place to set his boundaries and live by them. You mentioned you are a jealous person by nature. Is this just a manifestation of that? Or do you have a gut feeling somethign is up between you bf and this girl? If it is the former, you might want to find someone to talk to. Having trust issues can really sabotage relationships. If it is the latter, you should consider the relationship. Gut feelings usually aren't wrong. If you think something isn't right, usually it isn't.
Good luck.
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Although this situation is resolved, I want to get your opinion. I used to be a very jeaous person, but found I pretty much have it under control. (For the most part, lol).
Back story: My ex and I broke up, and I was all butt hurt over it, and started dating a guy that had just broken up with his gf. We both knew it was rebound time. Then we fell madly in love over just a few weeks, and almost ran away and got married. He even told his ex he was still in contact with that we were going to. But we didn't, and I met his best bud, and he and I then started dating (and are to this day). But since they all were good friends, my bf is (well, was) still good friends with that guys ex.
Fast forward. So he started to talk to her again, just here and there, claiming that even though they never spoke much, they were best friends. Well, she kept leaving him myspace comments, ending with xoxoxo ****(name). I soon got tired of it, and asked her nicely to stop. She did. I had no problem with them being friends, but I felt uncomfortable with that. Then, one day, she wrote him an email about a "dream" she had with him in it, and that she wanted him to call her so she can tell him. That she didn't want to type it, but TELL HIM what happened in it.
RED FLAG.
And all in all (long story short) you are probably guessing the same thing I guessed when I read that email...and you are CORRECT. It was a dream of inappropriate nature. That she felt she needed to discuss with my boyfriend.
I wrote her a few emails, saying their friendship was important to me, but that I thought it was inappropriate and expected either an explanation or apology. After three emails to her, (read) I still had not received one. Only saw her then emial him about going out for drinks when she comes to town, "if [my name] says it's okay'. But it was written sarcastically.
What would you do? I then forbade him to talk to her. (He was too scared to start up a convo about it, even if she called him. He always pretended all was well.) So I put my foot down, and finally emailed her saying I was putting my foot down, and to not contact my boyfriend anymore, and that it wasn't my fault that all the guys she likes would rather be with me. (That was mean, but it was true since she started speaking to my bf a month after she and her guy broke up). She then proceeded to write me a nasty email.
Do you think I was wrong...or right? He thought I had overreacted. What's your thought?