(Closed) What would you do about her…

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Why are you having to forbid him to talk to her? If he loves and respects you, he should just tell her to bugger off. Friends respect boundaries.

Post # 4
Member
1084 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

Agreed, he needs to address her himself and say it’s not appropriate or welcome behavior.  That he enjoys her friendship but he’s in a wonderful relationship and isn’t looking for a flirty friend.  Until it comes to her from him she’s going to manipulate it to sound like you’re controlling him.  Have him make it clear that you’re not controlling him, but that he also finds it inappropriate and unwelcome behavior.

Post # 6
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Well, from the sounds of it, you were reading his email, and you then responded to email addressed to him.  You said their friendship was important to you, and you said he can’t talk to her anymore, then you told her that you said he can’t talk to her anymore… I’d say you overreacted.  HE needs to be the one to tell her that it’s inappropriate.  I’m not saying I can’t understand why you did this, but think about it… if she’s just hearing from you, I can understand exactly why she reacted like she did.

Post # 7
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Long story short, I had a similar problem with an ex of my FI. They had been in casual contact after breaking up – running into each other here and there, a simple Hi and catchup convo. Then we got engaged and she decided she wanted him back (after 5 years?). Anyway – it got to the point that I just wasn’t comfortable with my FI talking to her – ever – phone, facebook, etc and explained to him how it was hurting me and causing unnecessary stress onto our relationship. I didn’t forbide him, I left it to him to make the decision. Obviously I’m more important to him than trying to keep a friendship with her, so he deleted her from his life (and even had to have her number blocked).

Post # 8
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

forbade?  i think this is going to backfire.  you cant forbid an adult from anything. now he will just sneek and lie.  he has to decide that he no longer wants a relationship with this girl – friendship or otherwise.  you need to stop talking to her and start talking to him.  she doesnt have to like you, respect you, tolerate you.  you are not her friend.  now if her friend tells her she needs to show some respect or the friendship is over, she might be willing to back off.

Post # 9
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’ve posted this before but I think it bares repeating. Our rule for ex’s and opposite sex friends is always “Would I say or do this in my spouses presence?” If the answer is no, or we feel the need to hide anything, then we have a reason to talk.

It sounds like there is some serious trust issues on the table. Reading someone else’s email is really tempting, but also really not okay. It is also completely ineffective since people who want to cheat are careful and tricky about communicating. If you aren’t comfortable about him having this friend he should respect that. However it isn’t your place to engage with her, through emails or otherwise. It is his place to set his boundaries and live by them. You mentioned you are a jealous person by nature. Is this just a manifestation of that? Or do you have a gut feeling somethign is up between you bf and this girl? If it is the former, you might want to find someone to talk to. Having trust issues can really sabotage relationships. If it is the latter, you should consider the relationship. Gut feelings usually aren’t wrong. If you think something isn’t right, usually it isn’t.

Good luck.

The topic ‘What would you do about her…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors