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I wouldn't invite either of them. If you just invite him and all FI's other friends are bringing girlfriends, it's going to be SO obvious that you just don't want her there. And even if you just invite him, he might bring her anyway. It's drama all around.
Don't invite either of them - if you weren't going to anyway, him just saying he "hoped he's invited" doesn't mean he warrants one. It'd probably rock the boat a lot more to invite him without the girlfriend than to just not invite either. Not worth it.
I seriously wouldn't invite either of them. Three years and you hadn't met the guy? Then it doesn't seem too likely that it would matter to him all that much. And that girl sounds like a hot mess -I say reserve the invites to your wedding for people who deserve to share it with you!
Neither of them. It's considered bad manners to invite one person and NOT the person they live with if they're in a relationship. I can't imagine he won't bring her...she'll probably come anyways.
Just cuz he whines doesn't mean he gets an invite--did you tell him he'd get an invite? You never see the dude....so does it matter?
Rule of thumb: try not to talk wedding around people who aren't invited. I always felt really uncomfortable at DH's fraternity brothers' weddings because we basically only invited HIS pledge class (3 years older than me) and didn't invite the younger guys...but they were always at the weddings and their SO's would talk to me about my wedding. Super awkward stuff ensues usually.
@ejs4y8 - yea, it was really awkward. But, we weren't talking about the wedding. Everyone else was. The house we were at belonged to people that were invited and they had our save the date up in their kitchen. Also, it was the wedding of the best man, so FI and him obviously have a few friends in common and several of them had been invited and received a STD... while some had not. not the best situation really.
In that case, i wouldn't worry about it. It's tough when everyone ELSE starts tlaking, then you're like, "uhhhh".
Don't invite them. Seriously! Do you think you'll run into them before the wedding or anytime afterwards?
Don't invite them! They were incredibly presumptuous in saying they expected to be invited at all. Your FI's friend probably picked up on his girlfriend's behaviour -- if he didn't apologise for her or try to prevent her behaving like that at a wedding, he is also partly at fault, especially as it seems he was the friend of the bride/groom at the wedding where you met him.
I'd worry they would both be a liability. If you've never met them in 3 years, I'd say that's a good reason not to invite!
i'm going to echo everyone else and say don't invite them!!! don't let people guilt you into inviting them to your wedding. it's YOUR wedding. invite the people you actually care about :)
I wouldn't invite either. I'm of the mind that if you haven't meet him in 3 years, he might not be that essential. So, to avoid his horrible girlfriend, you may just have to scratch him off the list. Our situation is a bit different, my FH's groomsmen has a girlfriend that ALWAYS gets drunk at events and cries to anyone that will listen about how mean he is to her, ugh. How do you avoid THAT?
If they live together, it would be pretty rude to invite him and not her. it doesn't sound like you're particularly close to this couple, so I don't think you should feel bad about not inviting them.
After going through wedding planning and the myriad guilt trips along the way, I am a firm believer that if people ask/assume that they're invited to a wedding, they're likely not purposefully being rude, but that doesn't mean it isn't still rude behaviour. They're causing their own disppointment if they don't get invited. It sounds harsh, but it's true.
One more - don't invite either!
Does FI really want him there? If he really is close to this guy - even though they may not see him often, it would be ok to invite just him - but pretty rude to exclude his date - just because you don't like her. If you are inviting GF's, then you need to invite his.
If it wasn't for this party, would the guest even be on FI's radar? If not, then stick with not inviting him.
Don't invite either.
- you can't invite him and not invite her (they live together)
- you haven't met him in the three years you've been with FI
- he wasn't on your original A list
@ oracle "If it wasn't for this party, would the guest even be on FI's radar? If not, then stick with not inviting him."
that's really good advice, thanks. I'm really sick of feeling guilted into inviting people - it's not a random get-together! It's really expensive!
I think you should invite both or none....It would appear unfair to him if you only invited him while you extend the invitation to SO of other friends.
Like minneapolitan said, just because he tried to invite himself doesn't mean he gets an invite; and if you haven't met him in the 3 years of dating, then he can't be all that hurt by not being invited. Your wedding should include the people you care about MOST, not just every person you've met in your life.
I feel you on the awkwardness of the situation...we have a group of friends, some of which are invited, some are not. Sadly, while we'd love to invite them all, our plans for our wedding limit us to a limited gathering of 68 (70 including us)...but good friends, who know you well, know they're invited, and good PEOPLE, who realize they don't know you as well, are polite enough to not invite themselves & gracious enough to be happy for you.
Out of curiosity, how does your FI feel about inviting the guy? Does he want that girl at your wedding to appease an old friend that he with whom he didn't feel close enough to introduce you before his BM's wedding?
I say don't invite the friend or his gf. It seems you were on the fence about inviting this friend anyway. Plus, if you've never seen him in 3 years, you'll likely not see him in the next 3 years so you don't have to look at him and feel bad for not inviting him.
I totally agree with the dont invite either, if you havent met him in 3 years and there is a weird thing with his GF it just isnt worth it!
Don't invite either. You're not obligated to invite ANYONE.
I wouldn't invite either of them. If they haven't been dating long or don't live together, you could just invite him, as long as you aren't doing +1s for other guests, but the only reason you are considering inviting him was because he was rude enough to try to invite himself. I'm sure if you thought about inviting more people, there would be someone else you'd rather invite!
Thanks for all the advice...
In response to those who asked how FI felt about the guy/situation - We've been on the fence about inviting the guy ever since we started writing the guest list. He used to be a good friend that FI lost touch with. I was leaning towards leaving him off the list b/c he had never met me. And FI seemed okay with it. But then when BM planned his wedding a couple months ago and invited the guy, FI started feeling the pressure/guilt and wasn't really sure what to do anymore. I feel bad trying to tell FI who is and is not important, and it's hard from my perspective to know whether he is or not.
It's just hard to try to figure out which would be worse in the long run - inviting or not inviting. Drama.
I voted to invite neither of them but it sounds like that might be a decision best left up to your FI since it's his friend. It also depends how you're doing with the guest list but it does seem a bit hard to only invite one of them if you've invited everyone elses SO and she lives with him.
Don't let the fact that you were talking about the wedding in front of them mean that you have to invite them! If you haven't ever met him, then don't let him pressure you into it! Especially if you're not going to invite the GF!
I say just invite the friend. If you want to be nice, call him and explain that your 'cutoff' was fiancee status, but I wouldn't even do that.
Just because someone says "I better be invited" doesnt mean that they are. I can't stand that and it would actually deter me even more And that girl has no place in your life - no need to invite her.
Yep, no reason you should feel obligated to invite either of them. No worries!
easy dont invite either. he obviously wasnt that great of a friend to not make the cut in the first place, so no obligations just say no! :)
Don't invite them. Play the "restricted guest list" card and be done with it. Don't let them manipulate you into it. :)
I wouldn't invite either simply because in 3 years of being with your FI you haven't ever met him so they obviously aren't great friends. If his gf is inappropriate and you don't want her there and think it'll interfere with you enjoying your wedding then I say don't invite either!
I apologize if someone else already suggested this...
But in terms of etiquette, if a man and a woman live together, it's the proper thing to do to invite them together. It's really tacky to invite one and not the other, and I think that will reflect badly on you.
But since your fiance hasn't seen this guy in ages, who cares if you don't invite him? He asked to be invited, which is rude to begin with.
I would have no qualms whatsoever about not inviting either. But if you do want to invite him, I think you kind of have to invite her.
And, PS: it's not too late to have that chat with your fiance where you come up with an out strategy the next time someone invites themselves to your wedding!
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My FI and I went to a friend's wedding this weekend and saw several people that were friends of FI but that we hadn't planned on inviting to our wedding. There was a couple guys there that we didn't send an STD but we were considering sending an invitation to.
One of the guys in particular is someone that I've never met (in the three years we've been together) and he now has a girlfriend that he lives with (who we had never met before that night). The guy basically told my FI that he "hoped he was invited" when other people were talking about our wedding in front of him. Fine, so I feel like we have to invite him.
Here's the problem - his girlfriend was rude to my FI, dressed completely inappropriately and, we found out later, stoned. There is NO way I want that girl at my wedding - I've never met her before and would prefer not to see her again (and definitely don't want to buy her dinner and drinks at my wedding).
So we've kind of decided just to invite the guy and not his girlfriend... even though FI's other friend's girlfriends are invited. That was really the only thing we could figure out to do.
What would you do??