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First let me start off by saying that majority of my family are awesome people. We have college graduates, my mommy has a 2 masters and a PHD....
Sadly I have one cousin that never really has gotten herself together. She always blames her problems on others (her dad was never around, her mom worked too much...ect). She has 3 kids, by three differnt men. I have ALWAYS been there for her and her kids. I had my son when i was 19, and i dont know what i would do if i didnt have my family there to support me.
ANYWAY........
I get a phone call a few days ago that my cousin was once again evicted and needed somewhere to stay, my whole family has washed thier hands of her...except me. So i tell her to bring her kids over and stay with us for a while. Well, this weekend we had DS birthday party and a bunch of wedding things to do so she was in our home ALOT of the time alone.
Today i get an email saying that i had several checks that bounced....checks that i didnt write! First of all I STALK my bank account, we are paying for our wedding on our own so we buget every single penny. I FREAK OUT, call Chase to try and figure out what is going on! The checks are not even in my writing...further more they are all for stores like babies R us, walmart, places where i dont really shop at. AND I NEVER WRITE CHECKS!!! so FI and i are trying to figure out what is going on...meanwhile im calling and calling my cousin to see if she can find my checks books in the house...she is not answering.
Finally she sends me a text and it says "I'm sorry...please dont be mad, and please dont call the police"
wait...
what.....
This girl knows i would do anything...ANYTHING for her and those kids! She worte $750 in checks...my account is negavtive right now!!! and i cant get my money back unless i file a police report against her!
So, im stuck, if i call the police she goes to jail, loses her kids...who else knows what could happen...but if i dont...im out ALOT OF MONEY. Help me bees...PLEASE...what do i do??? What would you do?
i would make her work to get that money back. To do what ever it is she needs to do to come up with it. and i know it is not right to threaten people but in this case i would let her know what is going to happen to her if she does not get that money to you. And if i were you i would not welcome your home or your belongings to her ever again. Stealing is not right no matter what!
wow! first of all, i'm sorry that happened to you. second, that just sucks! i feel for her, she seems like she is having a rough time...BUT she stole from someone who took her in and has obviously treated her well. i would tell her that she needs to return the merchandise she purchased and return YOUR money or you will file a police report. hopefully you will get the $ back and not have to file a report.
thank you bees...i def DO NOT want to file a police report. However, i am so upset with her for not just coming to us and asking. I dont even know what she bought with $700!! to make matters worse, she left today...and is not answering her phone. im going to text her and say that i will not file, but she needs to work the money off/pay me my money back!
@julies1949: 100004304680347638972344296845763498% agree.
actions have consequences and it's time for this woman to receive some tough love. i think you know what you need to do. i mean c'mon, she's not returning your phone calls, do you think it's because she's too busy getting your money back for you?
You need to call the police. You don;t know what else she has stolen from you and if she'll steal from the one person that is willing to help her, she's not going to pay you back. For all you know she'll stolen things and pawned then and you haven't noticed. She needs to know that choices have consiquences. You can't take care of her forever and she NEEDS to learn to do i themselves.
WHAT?? Wow! She is obviously not getting how much you are helping her out. I personally think she needs a wake up call. Call the police. It is hard but she can't keep taking advantage of people. I am sorry you are going through this.
@julies1949:I couldn't agree more!
She'll continue to do things like this unless she learns that her actions have consequences!
@julies1949: Agreed. This sucks, but I would turn her in in a heartbeat. It would be different if you're entire family hadn't been putting up with her crap for years already or if you actually had the money, but her cleaning out your bank account is not cool. At all. Just my opinion.
Although I can't believe your bank won't work with you. Have you tried everything you can with them in the mean time? I can't imagine that they would only help people who's debit cards have been stolen, but not their checkbooks.
Do you have the money to get your account out of the negative? They will keep charging you fees if you keep it negative (or at least, most banks will). I am a little surprised that you can't get your money back without filing a police report against HER. What if your check book had just been stolen by someone random?
Personally, I would file the police report. I agree with PPs that people like this are used to getting bailed out and not having to face hard consequences. I am furious on your behalf right now.
CALL THE POLICE!!! She stole from you...thats your money...it doesn't matter if its $5.00 or $5,000...Thats your money that you worked for, and its going to cost you even more money to get everything straightened out...
I say file the police report. My SIL had issues like this with her sister, and it took a decent amount of time in jail to get her shit together. In some instances, you just need to let the law take care of people otherwise you're just enabling them.
I’m sure this will sound insensitive since there are children involved but if it were me, a police report would be filed. Her kids are not your responsibility. If she doesn’t pay for what she did, she will never learn. I’ve known people like her and until they have to face the consequences of their actions, they never get their shit together. It’s definitely unfortunate that you are in this situation but you have to protect yourself and your family. If you want to give her the opportunity to repay you herself then go for it but from the sounds of it, unless you press charges, you may never see that money ever again. Furthermore, I think your cousin is deplorable. To steal from someone who takes you in after you’ve been evicted (more than once? Wow!) is a real scum bag move. It would be one thing if it was a few bucks to buy diapers or whatever but $750 is a shopping spree on your dime.
Sometimes showing your love for somebody takes the form of tough love. The best thing you could do for her is make her face the consequences of her actions. Its a small enough amount that I do not think she'd face hard jail time or losing her children... She would likely face probation and paying restitution. However, if she continues to get away with smaller things like this I'm worried she'll escalate to larger things and REALLY lose her kids.
I'm sorry, but texting her that you will not call the police is a mistake. This will only guarantee that she will NOT give you the money back. You should call the police and do everything you can to make sure her kids are OK and have someone to teach them respect and integrity in their lives.
I would not be asking this question. She'd be in jail. It doesn't sound like she really has intentions to work for anything, so I'd probably never see that money again. There's a reason nobody else would take her in...and now there's a reason you'll never take her in again. I'm enraged for you.
@julies1949: Julie i agree.....but calling the police...thats a felony right!!!???
@elliestan: i know....i think she is just scrared...thats why i texted her! if i dont hear from her by tonight then i will call and file a police report. I mean she wasnt think about my son whenshe stole from me to take care of herself and her kids.
IM SO F*CKING MAD AND HURT RIGHT NOW!!! i had to freeze everything, my paypal, bank account...EVERYTHING!!
@bree72: B of A said the same thing to me when some checker at Walmart apperenly worte down my credit card info and used it to buy $500 of stuff.
I had a purchase of a bunch of electronics that I DIDNT do. They said I had to file a police report to ge my money back,
They found out the checker was writing down my info instead of price checking something (caught her on the camera)
Unbelievable... I hope you're not going to be lax with her this time. She needs to grow up and pay for her actions.
Can you just say the check book was stolen and you dont know who took it?
If not then you should just file the police report like pp said, she has to understand htat actions have consequences. you get charged for the bounced checks, plus the actual amount that she got away with. That is the most inconsiderate thing she could ever do. I know she is family but she should have thought of that before trying to take advantage of you.
I agree with @julies1949:... maybe this will be a wake up call for her to get her life together. I know it's hard but it sounds like she needs some tough love!
What could she have possibly NEEEEEDED for $700!?! If she needed a little food or some clothes of the kids at the very moment, that could maybe be topped off at $100?? And she could have ASKED for a loan? Whatever she bought she can return. I would tell her she can return whatever she bought and give you back the money or you will file a police report to get the money back.
@bree72: Banks will help but a police report has to be filed. They're not just going to credit back all of this money and not get to the bottom of it.
I used to work in banking and I dealt with it all the time. We had an old woman come in because her son cleaned out her bank account. She was on a fixed income and that was all the money that she had. It was really sad and I felt terrible for her. We couldn't do anything unless she filed a police report so she had to decide between turning her son in and getting all of her money back or dealing with it on her own and probably never seeing a penny again. She ended up turning him in after she couldn't come up with the money to pay her bills. I can only imagine what a tough decision that was for her but I think she made the right one. People like the OP's cousin and this guy will never learn until they're forced to face the consequences of their actions.
I don't even know what I would do, but I have been in a situation before where someone was writing checks in my name. Bad checks, since I was at the time a broke college student. My credit was practically destroyed for awhile and there are still places I can't write checks at 7 years later. It's a nightmare. I never did find out who did it to me. If it was family? Wow, I don't know what I'd do.
Sad to say, people do desperate things when the chips are down, but to put herself in that situation when she has 3 kids to care for? I hate to say it but jail might be the wakeup call she needs. How did she even plan to get away with this?
I'm sorry to say this but she is just using you and walking all over your kindness.
You were incredibly generous in opening your home to her and she in turn steals and lies from you. Now she's disappeared and isn't returning calls? That is not the way a responsible parent or adult behaves.
I would file the police report, get your money back and never trust her again. Enough is enough.
I agree with @julies1949:... maybe this will be a wake up call for her to get her life together. I know it's hard but it sounds like she needs some tough love!
Also, it's not a felony (in my state at least) unless it's over $500 at one specific store. If you said she did it multiple places, then it'd just be a misdemeanor. Either way, she needs to face the consequences and hopefully it will be what it takes to set her straight.
@MrsStrawberry24: You need to file a police report. Whatever the punishment is she earned it. @julies1949: is completely right in saying she will never learn until she has real consequences. I highly doubt she would completely lose custody of her kids for check fraud. But honestly, if she did, it probably wouldn't be the worst thing for those kids. They need adults in their life who can care and provide for them.
@MrsStrawberry24: I think the amount stolen has to be over $1000 for it to be a felony. This might be the wake-up call she needs. I understand the whole saving hardcore for the wedding deal and I am furious and hurt for you!
As hard as it would be, I'd turn this person in. It obviously wasn't too hard for her to steal from you.
Can she return most of the merchandise? Surely she hasn't used everything already?
If she doesn't get the money to you by the end of the month....well, I know you're not going to file a report because of the kids. I'd at least threaten to. She has zero respect for you. I'm sorry this happened to you.
i have been there and done that.
She did it because she KNEW she had the greatest chance of getting away with it.
She is using you and applying the guilt trip.
You be fair, but firm. You tell her she can turn herself in, or you will. And you do it.
She isnt going to learn any other way, and likely, she may not even learn with this.
If you dont report her, or let her "work it off", what does she learn? She learns she can get away with stealing... which is what she did. She stole from you.
If you REALLY want to help her and more importantly the kids, if she goes to jail you will watch her kids. But don't let it go, dont pay for a lawyer etc.
If you let it go, your teaching her the lesson that you can be walked over (she had to know you would figure it out).
If she didnt have kids, would you let this go? Its for the kids, so take care of them, not her.
I say call the police. Maybe it will be a wake up call. Sounds like your cousin needs some "tough love!" She wont be able to be trusted, and if she needed money she should have asked, not stole from you.
All, I can say is...if I was in this situation I wouldnt hesitate to call the police. Family or not, she did something illegal, and she needs to know this was NOT okay.
Turn her in. Her issues are not your problem and she STOLE from you. This is ridiculous and she needs to be held accountable, no ifs, ands, or butts.
I'm sorry, but you're not going to get your money back. She showed exactly what she thought of you and her responsibility to you, twice. First, when she took your checkbook and wrote the checks. Second, in how she responded.
Your not taking action is not going to force her to change her habits.
I get the kids thing. Is there a family member who could step in? Is she really providing for them in the best way possible?
I think your choices are to file the report and wash your hands of her, or to not file a report and wash your hands of her.
Sometimes tough love is the best kind of love. As hard as it is for both parties.
I agree with @julies1949 also.
Sorry that happened to you :-(
@MrsStrawberry24: Either turn the cousin in (which is what I'd do), or hope that she'll pay you back. I don't think you'll ever get the money back if you don't file a police report though..
@bells: I think that if she were to file a police report claiming she doesn't know who it was would be fraud. I would NOT recommend doing that...
@bree72: they arent charging any fees to me right now....but i do need to file in order to get my money back
@pinkshoes: thats what i said!!!! she cant be buying food because hse get almost $500 in food stamps every month!
thank you everybody....at this point my FI and i have decided to file a police report....we both called her and she didnt anwer....but THEN i called her from my work phone and she picked up!!! and hung up when she heard it was me.
I am just worried for her kids though....
Wow! I hate it when ppl take advantage of those that try to help. I understand that you are trying to spare her right now, but if she doesn't woman-up and answer your call follow through with the police. I'm all about helping my family too, but at some point enough is enough. You are right, she didn't think about you and your son. Now you are out 750 plus NSF fees. SMH.
Thinking back to the story, I believe that she may have done it thinking that she could get away with it. You have always been there before, why not now.
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