(Closed) What would you do? Family not giving definite rsvp

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Hi date twin! Im sorry youre going through this. Honestly I would just have your FI give his brother a call when it gets a little closer and say that you really want them to be there and see what he says. If he still gives a maybe you can have FI say that you guys need to give your numbers to the caterer so you just need to know. You still have a few weeks so don’t worry too much about this – these things have a tendency to work themselves out.

Post # 4
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

What’s your cut off date for the caterers? I would lay it out and just say I need to know by ______ whether or  not you’re coming or how many of you are coming so I can finalize the meals with the venue and caterer. If you can’t commit to coming we understand and we won’t set places for you and the kids. End of story.

Post # 5
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Schatzie821: And PS – Sorry your FBIL sounds like a bit of a jerk. My sister spent the first six months of my engagement harassing me about babysitters, etc. She made me nucking futs!!!! To this day if she mentions caterers I have to keep myself from reaching for her neck. I didn’t even have a venue and all she cared about was how and where the babysitter was, etc. Uggh!!!!! Does something come over siblings when they have babies and there’s a wedding involved?!

Post # 7
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

Since they spoke with your FMIL & FFIL about this and aren’t returning your calls, I would have FI’s parents call and talk to them.  What a crappy situation to be in!

Post # 8
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Schatzie821: Then the answer is “We didn’t get your RSVP so we assumed you weren’t coming. We called and left messages and never heard back. You’re more than welcome to attend the ceremony but I’m sorry we won’t have seats for you at the reception. I had to give our final numbers and pay the caterer.” It sucks, but what else can you do?! I agree with Rachaelrobin that it sounds like it’s time to go over their heads to the ILs. What jerks.

Post # 9
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Schatzie821: Then the answer is “We didn’t get your RSVP so we assumed you weren’t coming. We called and left messages and never heard back. You’re more than welcome to attend the ceremony but I’m sorry we won’t have seats for you at the reception. I had to give our final numbers and pay the caterer.” It sucks, but what else can you do?! I agree with Rachaelrobin that it sounds like it’s time to go over their heads to the ILs. What jerks.

Post # 10
Member
9057 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would say don’t pay for them.  If they show up, they’ll be the ones embarrassed and hungry. 

Really though, the venue will have enough food for a bit of a buffer, and likely some other guests won’t show up too, so it should work out.

Post # 11
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think this requires a PHONE CALL as apposed to waiting for something in writing.

Your futures sister in law was COMPLETELY out of line. It is not up to her how you have YOUR wedding.

Post # 12
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010 - The Tower Club

This happened (on a smaller, less hostile scale) to us for our wedding. We had a family group of 15 (fifteen!!) and never got a definite RSVP for a single one of them. We got, “So & so is coming, but not his brother, and the other one wants to bring so & so, and maybe so & so is feeling sick” and on and on and on.

And you know what? I just designed the seating chart and put those 15 at two tables all to themselves in the back corner, and went ahead and paid for them. I chalked it up to the uncertainty of wedding planning.

Not a single one showed up, but (a) it was worth the peace of mind knowing someone wouldn’t show up at the last minute and ruin the wedding by demanding to be seated and (b) since the empty tables were in the corner, no one noticed! I think someone put some extra flowers on them.

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