Post # 1
So I’ve been asking FMIL for their list of friends to invite to the wedding since January and she finally got it to me last night (after ordering our STDs). FI assured me they would only have about 10 friends. Well turns out the list she gave me had about 80 friends, putting our guest list at 370. I asked each side before booking a venue for an estimated # and they each said 150 so I booked a venue that could hold 300 max (250 comfortably). The guest list is fairly equal (55% my side, 45% his side) and everyone (us, my parents, and FI’s parents) were hoping to add more to the list if there was more room, which obviously there is not. Our parents are paying for the wedding and we want them to invite who they want. We are considering moving the venue, granted one is available. We are currently out $750 on the current venue. We could cut down the list a bit possibly, but with our large families it will still be close to 350. If everyone invites who they want we will be at about 450 people. Also, we are only inviting children of family members, but I was hoping to invite all children. Both our parents say many of their guests won’t come it’s just courtesy invites, but I’m not risking that many people.
Post # 3
@MrsN14: Have you considered how much the other aspects will jump us with close to 400 guests?
Post # 4
I would check out other venues before you do anything. If you are able to find a venue that can hold all of your guests then I would suggest going that route. Don’t over invite the maximum number your venue can hold. I have heard way too many horror stories about not having enough room for all of your guests!
Post # 5
What if you cut out the kids, how many spots does that save you?
Post # 6
If I’m understanding right, your parents are footing the bill but your FMIL wants to add on a ton more people. Unless you’re 100% ok with switching venues and losing the deposit, I’d tell your in-laws that there is just not room and they need to cut that list down to 10 or something.
Post # 7
@OliveLucy: I’ve heard the stories as well and I think I’d be wayy too stressed overinviting!
@MissMay3003: We already cut out all non-family kids and that saved us a few spots, but still have way too many.
@Pinkmoon: The in laws are paying for a small portion, I just felt bad letting my parents have their friends and telling the in laws they can’t have as many.
Post # 8
I would ask them to revise their list, giving them a specific number to work with. Something like “We have 45 spots open, so which of your 80 friends do you REALLY want to invite” or something.
Post # 9
@DaneLady: This is what I was going to suggest.
It’s definitely ok for parents to invite some friends, but 80 friends is just ridiculous. Tell them you have saved X number of seats for their friends and ask that they revise their guest list.
I would not look for a different venue or try and cut corners elsewhere.
Post # 10
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MrsN14: I would call FMIL and give her a set number of guests she can invite based on the capacity of the venue and budget and let her decide what people she wants to invite and what people she is willing to cut from her list. Adding that many extra guests is going to add extra costs across the board.
Post # 11
Honestly, with 350 guests, I’m guessing you already have a hefty budget, so losing $750 wouldn’t be too big an imposition. And even thought it says non-refundable, you may be able to get part or all of it back. However, that doesn’t account for the stress of having find a new vensue, which is significant. I’d see if both sides can cut back a bit on their friends. I agree that you don’t want to overinvite, but I think you’d be safe with invitiing 310-320 to the current venue. With that many people invited, I’m sure not everyone will come. So you’d need to cut 50 people from the two sides.
Post # 12
First of all, it’s natural that your parents get a few more invites if they are footing most of the bill. ETA: curious; how many friends have your parents invited? I’m guessing quite a few, if you think it’s fair for FMIL to invite 80 friends…
No parent needs 80 of their friends at their child’s wedding, and it’s rude of her to expect your parents to host all of them. I would have your FI tell her you can only fit 10-20 of them in, since she told you there would only be 10 to begin with.
If she can’t deal with that answer, then maybe she and your FFIL can pay for her extra guests and the lost deposit.
Post # 13
@JenGirl: You made that sound so more manageable, thank you! Asking each side to cut 25 people doesn’t seem too much to ask.
@DaneLady: I think that would be helpful, thank you!
Post # 14
I would definitely cut from both sides. Please let them know your agreed upon number was 150 max for each side and you booked a venue according to that estimate. Tell them their guest list with friends causes it to go over by x number and would they please help you narrow the lists.
Post # 15
80 is ALOT of people, and ALOT of extra money. Quite honestly I think it’s sort of rude for your future in-laws to assume that your family would host all of THEIR friends (i.e., not your FI’s friends, but THEIR friends). If your parents are paying the majority of the bill, then your FI’s parents should be understanding that they will not get as many friend invites. Just have your FI (since they’re his parents and it sounds like he is the one who assumed they’d only have 10-20 friend invites) that you’d love to be able to accomodate them all, but your venue space is limited and therefore you need them to cut it down to X amount of people.
Post # 16
You could maybe meet them half way and ask them to cut to about 30/40? Or be honest and tell them you cannot invite everyone, so they could “rank” their guests and you could invite just the more important ones 🙂