What would you do? Guest list issue

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What would you do?
    Lose the deposit and find a new venue : (12 votes)
    21 %
    Not allow parents to invite friends : (38 votes)
    68 %
    Invite everyone & hope for the best? : (2 votes)
    4 %
    Any other options please! : (4 votes)
    7 %
  • Post # 4
    64 posts
    Worker bee

    I would check out other venues before you do anything. If you are able to find a venue that can hold all of your guests then I would suggest going that route. Don’t over invite the maximum number your venue can hold. I have heard way too many horror stories about not having enough room for all of your guests!

    Good Luck!

    Post # 5
    582 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    What if you cut out the kids, how many spots does that save you?

    Post # 6
    10748 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    If I’m understanding right, your parents are footing the bill but your FMIL wants to add on a ton more people. Unless you’re 100% ok with switching venues and losing the deposit, I’d tell your in-laws that there is just not room and they need to cut that list down to 10 or something. 

    Post # 8
    5460 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I would ask them to revise their list, giving them a specific number to work with.  Something like “We have 45 spots open, so which of your 80 friends do you REALLY want to invite” or something.

    Post # 9
    2642 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @DaneLady:  This is what I was going to suggest.

    It’s definitely ok for parents to invite some friends, but 80 friends is just ridiculous.  Tell them you have saved X number of seats for their friends and ask that they revise their guest list.

    I would not look for a different venue or try and cut corners elsewhere.


    Post # 10
    9137 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @MrsN14:  I would call FMIL and give her a set number of guests she can invite based on the capacity of the venue and budget and let her decide what people she wants to invite and what people she is willing to cut from her list.  Adding that many extra guests is going to add extra costs across the board.

    Post # 11
    9526 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Honestly, with 350 guests, I’m guessing you already have a hefty budget, so losing $750 wouldn’t be too big an imposition. And even thought it says non-refundable, you may be able to get part or all of it back. However, that doesn’t account for the stress of having find a new vensue, which is significant. I’d see if both sides can cut back a bit on their friends. I agree that you don’t want to overinvite, but I think you’d be safe with invitiing 310-320 to the current venue. With that many people invited, I’m sure not everyone will come. So you’d need to cut 50 people from the two sides.

    Post # 12
    2209 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    @DaneLady:  +1

    First of all, it’s natural that your parents get a few more invites if they are footing most of the bill.  ETA:  curious; how many friends have your parents invited?  I’m guessing quite a few, if you think it’s fair for FMIL to invite 80 friends…

    No parent needs 80 of their friends at their child’s wedding, and it’s rude of her to expect your parents to host all of them.  I would have your FI tell her you can only fit 10-20 of them in, since she told you there would only be 10 to begin with.

    If she can’t deal with that answer, then maybe she and your FFIL can pay for her extra guests and the lost deposit.

    Post # 14
    104 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I would definitely cut from both sides.  Please let them know your agreed upon number was 150 max for each side and you booked a venue according to that estimate. Tell them their guest list with friends causes it to go over by x number and would they please help you narrow the lists.

    Post # 15
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    @DomesticDiva:  THIS. 

    80 is ALOT of people, and ALOT of extra money.  Quite honestly I think it’s sort of rude for your future in-laws to assume that your family would host all of THEIR friends (i.e., not your FI’s friends, but THEIR friends).  If your parents are paying the majority of the bill, then your FI’s parents should be understanding that they will not get as many friend invites.  Just have your FI (since they’re his parents and it sounds like he is the one who assumed they’d only have 10-20 friend invites) that you’d love to be able to accomodate them all, but your venue space is limited and therefore you need them to cut it down to X amount of people.

    Post # 16
    441 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    You could maybe meet them half way and ask them to cut to about 30/40?  Or be honest and tell them you cannot invite everyone, so they could “rank” their guests and you could invite just the more important ones 🙂

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